Torn to Pieces
by CMarie1227
Summary: Dylan has a secret that might tear him and Kelly apart after only a few months of being together. *Will not be K/D all the way through*
1. Chapter 1

_Author's Note: This story kind of popped into my head and I thought that it was going to be pretty cut and dry, but it's taken on a life of its own and is getting a lot longer than I thought it would be. This story takes place a few months after Kelly and Dylan get together for the first time. None of this actually happened in the show, but it has turned into something interesting, at least for me! I hope you enjoy it!_

'Torn to Pieces' – Dylan has a secret

_Chapter 1 – Dylan goes to his A.A. meeting_

_The Peach Pit_

Kelly sits at a table waiting for Dylan to return from the bathroom after they had finished dinner. She sighs and smiles to herself as she thinks about how great they are getting along. Dylan comes over and sits down across from her.

'What you thinking about, Kel?' he asks.

'Just how much I love you and how wonderful these last few months have been,' she says.

He smiles and grabs her hand across the table. 'Well, I love you too, but I've got to get going. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?'

'Okay, are you sure you don't want me to come over after you get back from your meeting?' she asks, seductively.

'Not tonight, okay?' he says as he kisses the top of her head and walks out of the diner.

Dylan walks out to his car feeling a little guilty. He always feels a little guilty on the nights he has to go to A.A., but he brushes it away quickly. _'It would just be too difficult to explain to her.'_

Dylan walks into the auditorium where his meeting is held. He scans the crowd quickly, darting his eyes back and forth across the room.

'Hey, sorry I'm late, did it start yet?' he hears from behind him. He turns around to face the voice.

'No, not yet,' he smiles. He grabs her hand and they walk down the aisle to find an empty seat. 'Thanks for coming tonight, Bren. I really appreciate it.'

She looks at him with understanding in her eyes and says, 'You know you can always count on me to be here for you, Dylan, no matter what else is going on.' She pats his hand gently and he grabs her fingers and holds on tight.

'Okay, let's get started, everyone, please, take your seats,' they hear, 'There are several new members that we're going to hear from tonight and there are a few achievements that we'd like to present at the end. First up to speak with us tonight is John,' the speaker says.

Brenda and Dylan listen to John, and then to Carrie, and then to Justin tell their stories of alcoholism and why they need A.A. at this point in their lives. Brenda sits there contently listening to each of their stories like she had for so long now. Although she and Dylan were not longer together, she was so proud of him for continuing to come to these open meetings and for his perseverance when it came to alcohol. She looks over at him as Justin finishes his story.

Dylan watches Brenda's face as each of the new people talk about their alcoholism. She never once gave him a hard time about coming to these meetings after their first encounter together those many long months again here at A.A. He marvels are her ability to put her hatred for him aside and help him deal with this very important issue that he faces every day of his life. He smiles at her as Justin finishes his story.

She looks over and catches him smiling at her. She can't help but smile back at him. He tightens his grip on her hand that he had not let go of since they walked over to sit down.

'Okay, folks, let's take a little break, like 5 minutes, and then we'll talk about some great achievements and what's on the agenda for next time.'

Brenda and Dylan get up and go over to get some coffee. Dylan's sponsor walks over and gives him a hug.

'Hey there Dylan, how are we doing tonight?' Ben asks. 'Hi Brenda, it's good to see you as always,' he says and kisses her hand.

'Hi Ben, it's good to see you too,' she says and goes off to put some cream in her coffee.

'Hey Ben, I'm actually doing alright.'

'That is great to hear.'

Brenda makes her way back to her seat with her coffee while Dylan and Ben talk to each other.

'Okay, folks, let's get back to our seats and get the rest of this meeting going.'

Dylan returns to sit next to her and immediately grabs her free hand, while she holds her coffee with the other one.

'Our first achievement for the night goes to Jennifer, come on up here Jen,' the speaker says. A small framed girl with auburn hair makes her way up to the stage to stand near the speaker.

'Jen has been with us for a few weeks, but has finally reached 60 days sober. Congratulations Jen!' he says as he hands her a medal and gives her a hug. She smiles brightly and Brenda notices that she has a lovely smile, but has the remnants of dark circles under her eyes. Everyone claps has Jen hugs the speaker back and thanks him. She makes her way back down to her seat.

'Great job Jen. Okay, our next achievement goes to James,' the speaker points to someone in the front row of seats. 'James has reached two goals tonight, one being 6 months sober,' the speaker says.

Everyone claps loudly for James and smiles as he makes his way up to the stage. When he gets up there the speaker hands him his medal and says, 'And the other goal was losing 50 pounds. Congratulations James for completing both goals!' Some people clap at that but most people just laugh a little bit. James makes his way off of the stage and sits back down.

'And last but not least, Dylan, come on up here.'

Dylan looks at Brenda and smiles. She squeezes his hand and urges him to get up. He gets up and walks up onto the stage. Brenda can't help put smile at him.

'Dylan, welcome to 9 months of sobriety,' the speaker hands Dylan a medal and shakes his hand. Dylan takes the medal and plasters a huge smile on his face as he looks down at Brenda smiling back at him. He walks off of the stage and back to his seat while the group is clapping wildly for him.

He sits back down, grabs Brenda's free hand and puts the medal in it. She looks down at it and beams.

After the meeting is over, Dylan and Brenda get up and walk over to where Ben is waiting. Ben pulls Dylan into a hug and tells him that he's proud. Dylan smiles at Ben and says, 'Yeah, I am proud of me too.' He looks at Brenda and pulls her out of the room, 'Come on, let's go,' he says.

She follows him to his car. 'Well, Dylan, you did it, 9 months. How does it feel?' Brenda asks him.

'Bren, it feels great. I am so glad that you were here to share it with me. Thank you. Thank you for caring about me and for supporting me, and for being there when I needed you and for coming to these meetings with me once a month,' he says as he looks into her eyes.

'You are welcome, Dylan. I'm glad that you let me share this with you and I'm glad you are still here and going strong,' she smiles at him. 'Well, I better go.' She begins to walk back to Brandon's car that she borrowed for the night.

'Bren?' he calls after her, 'Do you want to go somewhere and have some coffee or something?'

She looks back at him and recognizes the look in his eye. _'He's just projecting how great he feels on you. It's not real, Brenda, it's not real.'_

'I think you should go home and get a good night's sleep. It's almost midnight. I am so proud of you Dylan,' she walks back to him, gives him a hug, kisses him on the cheek and walks away.

He stands there and watches her walk. _'She's proud of me. This is the greatest feeling I have ever had.'_ He pulls the medal out of his pocket and stares at it for a good five minutes before jumping in his car and heading back to his house.

Dylan arrives home and sees the answering machine light blinking. He hits it on his way to the kitchen to get a glass of water.

'_Beep Hi, it's Kelly. I just wanted to see how your meeting went and if maybe you changed your mind. Give me a call. Love you.'_

He barely pays attention to the message as he puts his medal on the kitchen table. He goes into his bedroom and after searching through his closet comes out with a box. He opens the box and pulls out a smaller box with a lid and doesn't notice when something comes with it and drops onto the table. He opens the smaller box and inside are his other medals from A.A. He adds the 9 month medal to them and smiles. He closes the smaller box and goes to put it back and notices the thing that had fallen out of the bigger box.

He sighs before picking up the plastic bag that was zipped shut. He looks at the contents of the bag through the plastic. He begins to think, shakes his head, wipes a tear, and drops the bag on the table.


	2. Chapter 2

_Torn to Pieces – Chapter 2 – Dylan starts something he isn't sure he can finish_

Dylan wakes up the next morning with an ache in his lower back. He rubs his eyes and realizes that he didn't make it to the bed last night, he only made it as far as the couch. He groans and curses himself.

Kelly arrives at school a little ticked that Dylan didn't call her back the night before. _'I shouldn't be mad at him. He said that he didn't want to see me last night after his meeting, but why didn't he call at least?'_

She walks into the building and goes to her locker to drop off her books.

'Hey, Kel,' Donna says.

'Hey Donna,' Kelly says with a somber tone.

'What's wrong, Kel?'

'Well, I'm just a little irritated that's all. It's nothing.'

'Kelly, do you realize that this happens every month? Every time Dylan goes to the open meeting you come in here the next day irritated. Don't you find that a little coincidental?' Donna asks.

'Donna, come on, am I really that transparent?'

'YES, Kelly, you are. Now get over yourself and just deal with this already. You are starting to get on my nerves,' Donna says and walks away.

'_Wow, what got into her?'_

Dylan gets to school in time to see Brenda leaving her locker with her head in a book. She doesn't notice him staring at her, but he watches her walk all the way down the hall and turn the corner before he dares to move. He gets to the end of the hallway looks in the direction that she went and turns to walk down the opposite hall. He gets closer to his locker and sees Kelly standing near it facing in the other direction.

'Hey Kel,' he says.

'Hey, how was your meeting? You didn't call me back last night,' she says with a slight pout on her face.

'Yeah, sorry about that, I got in late and just crashed on the couch,' he says as he kisses her forehead. 'Well, let's go or we're going to miss class,' he says.

They walk down the hall together and Kelly smiles at him. _'Is he just trying to brush me off or am I just being paranoid?'_

Brenda breathes a sigh of relief as she turns the corner of the hall. _'Thank God he didn't follow me.'_ She was at her locker and caught a glimpse of him at the end of the hallway. She saw him stop almost as if he was frozen to the spot and then try to hide when he saw her standing there. She carefully opened a textbook, closed her locker, and pretended to read the text all the way down the hall and around the corner. She hid in the doorway to the women's bathroom and peeked out to see if he was following her. She watched him get the end of the hall, look in her direction, sigh, and then walk the other way to his locker. Brenda lets the tension that had built up in her shoulders go and breathes out loud again. _'Okay, time for class. I better hurry or I'm going to be late!'_ She runs from her hiding place to her first class.

Brenda manages to avoid Dylan for the rest of the day. She sits alone eating her lunch away from everyone else in hopes of just having a little time to herself. She tries to figure out how she could deal with this situation better each time it happens, but had yet come up with anything that has worked. _'I've been going to these meetings with Dylan for the last six months and every time he seems to get closer and closer to doing more than just grabbing onto my hand. I know that holding onto my hand makes him feel safe, as it did the first time he did it,' Brenda begins to think back. Dylan had spoken that night in front of the group. It was the first time that he had dared speak in front of everyone while she was there in the audience. Before that he was never willing to get up on the stage and talk about himself. He started talking about his father's death and by the end the tears were streaming down his face. He came back to sit with her and she offered him her hand as some kind of comfort. He took it and never let go. Ever since then, he would automatically grab her hand at the start and not let go until it was over. 'Now I just have to get him to disconnect when the meeting is over. Last month he did almost the same thing he did today. I just don't understand it.'_

Brenda picked up her lunch bag, which she had barely touched, and got up off of the grass. She began to walk back to her locker to put her lunch back into it and as she turned the corner to enter the building, the door opened and Kelly and Dylan walked out.

'Oh, hi, Bren,' Kelly said with a little apprehension.

'Hi, excuse me,' she brushed past them and into the building. She did not have the strength to even look at Dylan.

'Guess she's still not talking to us, huh?' Kelly says. 'How long do you think it will take her to get over seeing us together?'

'I don't know, Kel, maybe never,' Dylan says as he contemplates the thought in his head. _'How can she be so supportive and warm one day and so cold the next?'_

'Dylan, come on, she can't ignore us forever,' Kelly says smiling at him.

'Yeah, Kel, she can.' Dylan shakes his head and stares at the ground.

'Okay, let's change the subject, so that we can eat our lunch in peace, okay?' she says trying to be cheerful.

'Yeah, sure, whatever you say,' he says as Kelly sits down on the grass, Dylan sneaks a look back at the door where they bumped into Brenda.

Brenda hurries inside to her locker and puts her lunch away. She grabs her books for the last few classes and runs upstairs to the newspaper office.

'Hey Brandon, do you, um, have a minute to talk to me?' she says as she peeks her head into the office.

Brandon turns around to see Brenda's head poking through the doorway opening. He sees the look on her face and recognizes it as the same look she had on her face when she came in her last month. _'Must be Dylan acting weird again.'_

'Sure, Bren,' he says as he gets up and joins her out in the hallway. 'What's going on?'

'Brandon, I think it's getting worse. He did it again this morning, except that he lingered for a lot longer than he did last month. I know that he needs support and he appreciates the fact that I am still willing to go the A.A. meetings without tearing his head off, but I'm not sure if this is very therapeutic for me. Actually, I think it's detrimental for me. What do I do?' Brenda asks with a pleading look to her brother.

'Oh, Bren,' he says as her puts his arm around her, 'I'm not sure what you can do. Maybe you need to have a talk with him about it. Obviously he's either projecting, like you thought last night, or he really is thinking about acting on his feelings. You need to know. You can't keep going like this if he's got ulterior motives to wanting you to come to his A.A. meetings.'

She looks at him and knows that he's right. 'Yeah, I figured that's what you were going to say. But, Brandon, how do I do that without you-know-who finding out? I mean, he's not by himself a whole lot.'

'I'll take care of that part, okay? I'll get him to go out, you know, just guys, and when he comes to pick me up, you can grab him for a few minutes.'

'How about I talk to him when he drops you off instead? I mean, who wants to ruin a good night out, right?' _'And besides, I'm going to need the night to work up the nerves to talk to him about this.'_

He smiles at her. 'Right,' he says.

Brandon runs into Dylan right before the last class of the day.

'Hey man, how are you doing?' Brandon asks.

'Not bad, B, not bad, how are you?' Dylan asks him.

'Well, I think I could use one of those 'guys-only' nights out, you know what I'm saying? How about you?' Brandon says with a smile.

Dylan returns his smile. 'Yeah, man, I think that's a great idea. How about Friday night?'

'Sounds good, bro, thanks! Oh, hey, you're going to have to pick me up though, Brenda needs the car on Friday.' Brandon slips in.

'Oh, sure, no problem.' Dylan says slowly. _'What would Brenda need the car for on Friday night? No, no, no, who cares right? Why am I even thinking about that?'_

Brandon passes Brenda in the hall on his way to his last class. He winks at her and gives her the thumbs up sign. She laughs at him and goes into her last class of the day.

Brenda did her best to stay away from Dylan for the rest of the week. She thought she saw him lurking around a corner as she came out of her Biology class and then again as she left her Math class, but she couldn't be sure. As Friday approached, she began to get a nervous pit in the bottom of her stomach. _'Maybe I'm just hallucinating. No, Brandon confirmed that Dylan was being weird too. I just have to be strong and tell him how I feel about this. Strong.'_ Brenda tightens her fist as she thinks.

'Bren, what are you doing?' Donna laughs and asks as she watches Brenda's determined face and clenched fist.

'Donna! Um, I didn't see you there,' Brenda says quickly then laughs nervously.

'Are you alright?' Donna asks.

'Oh, yeah, of course, I'm fine. Just giving myself a pep talk, you know, need to do well on that, um, math test,' Brenda stammers out.

'Yeah, sure, Bren, look if you need to talk, remember that I'm here for you, okay?' Donna says as she puts her hand on Brenda's shoulder.

'_She must be thinking I'm gearing up to see Kelly or something.'_ 'I know, thanks Donna.'

Brenda walks to her next class clutching her books to her chest. _'Everyone must be thinking that I'm going crazy or something. I've got to be more careful.'_

Brandon knocks on Brenda's side of the bathroom door and waits for her to respond.

'Come on in, Brandon,' he hears and opens the door.

Brenda is standing in front of the mirror getting ready to go out with Donna. Donna offer to take her to a movie to get her out of the house and Brenda was glad that she now didn't have to ask Brandon to lie to Dylan about where she was going to be that she needed to take his car.

'So, you're not really going to take the car, right?' Brandon asks.

Brenda smiles and laughs out loud. 'No, Brandon, Donna is coming to pick me up. Don't you worry about your precious little car.'

'Good, I was getting a little nervous. Does she know not to show up until after 7:30?' he asks.

'Yeah, she's actually coming around 8:15, we're going to a late movie, but we should be back by midnight. Is that okay? Do you think you'll be back before then?' she asks with a little trepidation.

'Yeah, I'm sure that's fine. I'll make sure we come back right at curfew okay? So, what are going to do?' he asks her.

'Well, I figured that I'd wait in the living room until you guys pulled up and then stand outside the front door on the porch. Then you can tell him to hang on because it's unlike me to be waiting up for you. Do you think that would work?' Brenda asks. 'I'm not really full of ideas on this one.'

'Don't worry, we'll make it work. I'll come up with something. It'll be fine, I promise,' he says as he hugs her and kisses her on top of her head.

'If you say so,' she says sheepishly.


	3. Chapter 3

_Author's Note: I hope you guys are enjoying this so far. Lots of background information comes out in this chapter. Hope you like it!!_

_Torn to Pieces__ – Chapter 3 – Brenda remembers what it was like_

Dylan comes to pick Brandon up and they take off out of the driveway. Brenda watches from her window to make sure that they are gone and then goes downstairs to wait for Donna to come and get her.

'Brenda? When is Donna coming to get you?' Cindy asks.

'Um, in like 15 minutes,' Brenda says.

'Honey, what's wrong?' Cindy says and goes over to the couch to sit with her daughter.

'Mom, I'm feeling something and I'm not sure if I should be. I kind of feel a little guilty that I'm feeling this way and I don't really know if I'm doing the right thing,' Brenda starts.

'What is it? Is this about Dylan?'

'Yeah, you know how he came over here that day after he and Kelly got together and asked me about A.A.?'

'Yes, that was a very tough decision you made,' Cindy says.

'Yeah, well, I'm not sure if I made the right one,' Brenda trails off.

_Flashback_

'_Brenda? Can you please come down here for a minute?' Jim yells up the stairs. Brenda hears him, wipes the tears from her face, fixes her hair, and makes her way downstairs. __She had been up in her room tormented over Dylan and Kelly for two weeks now and still could not stop the random outbursts of tears._

'_Yeah?' she says as she walks into the living room. She stops dead in her tracks as she takes in the scene in front of her. Her parents are sitting on the couch and Dylan is sitting in one of the chairs in the living room. He does not look good. His face is red and puffy, his hair is a mess, and his clothes are quite disheveled._

'_What's going on?' she says, confused._

'_Brenda, sit down honey, there's a few things that we need you to hear,' Cindy says to her._

_Brenda gingerly makes her way to the other chair in the living room trying not to look at Dylan, who still hasn't looked up._

'_Now, we know that you and Dylan had a, well, a falling out, but there's something really important that involves you that he needs to say. I don't want you to say anything. I just want you to listen and after you've listened, I want you to go back upstairs and process what you've heard. There is a decision at the end of this that you and only you can make, but I don't want you to make it hastily without thinking it over. You know, and Dylan sure knows, that there is no way I would be encouraging this, if I didn't think it was a worthy situation. Do you understand?' Jim explains._

_Brenda nods her head and looks from her dad to Dylan and then back to her dad with a puzzled look on her face. She doesn't quite understand what could be so important to her father that involved Dylan that he would try to even get her in the same room with him again._

'_Dylan, go ahead,' Jim says._

_Dylan finally looks up. Brenda looks at him closer than she did when she first walked into the room and sees that his eyes are bloodshot. She can tell right away from the look on his face that he had spent the night before this one drinking. She probably should have noticed that right away by the stale smell of liquor that now wafted past her nose, but she was too busy being confused to pick up on that._

'_Bren,' he says softly, 'I did something really stupid last night. I was cleaning up my place and I found a letter that you had written to me stuffed in the cushions of the couch. I read it, which I probably shouldn't have done, and couldn't get the image of your face and the words you said when you found out about Kelly out of my head. You said 'Look I hate you both! Never talk to me again!' and I couldn't stop replaying that moment in my head. It just kept repeating and repeating. I tried everything I could to get it to go away, but it wouldn't. Instead of doing what I should have, I decided to drown it out the best way I knew how.'_

_Brenda's face fell when she heard Dylan speak. He had reverted back to his old methods of dealing with pain and instead of calling his sponsor, he went right for the bottle._

'_I know it was stupid and I know that I did the wrong thing. I woke up this morning and went straight to a meeting. I talked it over with Ben and he made a suggestion that I take some action to prevent this from happening again. That's when I came over here. I know that it might be ridiculous for me to even think that you would do something for me, but I'm going to ask anyway.'_

_She looks at him as he speaks. He's not actually looking at her, he's kind of looking at the space between her and her father. He finally looks directly at her and she almost sits back in her chair, taken aback by the force of his stare._

'_Bren, would you please continue to come to my A.A. meetings with me? You've been my support system for a long time now, and I don't think I can really stand on my own just yet. I wouldn't be asking you if I didn't think that it would be beneficial in some way. We don't even have to talk to each other while we're there. I just think that you physically being there would help. I'm really not sure how, but Ben suggested that I ask, since he swears that he's seen a difference in my recovery since you started going with me.' Dylan stops talking and looks back down at the floor. _

_Brenda stares at him on the verge of tears again. Inside her body the anger and disappointment she felt for him begins to well up. She sees the pain he is in just asking her to do this, but at this moment she doesn't care._

'_Brenda, please don't answer now. Go and think about what you've just heard for a little while. Please,' Cindy says._

_Brenda decides that her parents are actually right this time. Lashing out with anger at Dylan right now would be a bad idea and it wouldn't help anyone. She gets up and walks upstairs and closes her bedroom door. She flops onto her bed and begins to sob._

Cindy watches Brenda's face as she assumes that Brenda is recalling that day in the living room with Dylan.

'You were up there for what seemed like days to us, but it was really only about two hours. You know, Brenda, Dylan didn't move from the chair he was sitting in the entire time. I almost got up to check his pulse a few times to make sure that he was still alive,' Cindy recalls.

Brenda smiles at her mother's recollection. 'Yeah, well I cried for the first hour and a half, and then I really started to think about everything he had been through with his own family. You know, the things that caused him to drink in the first place, and I just couldn't do it. I couldn't leave him alone just like they did to deal with his demons by himself. I figured that I was strong enough, that even though I hated him at the time, I could put that hate aside for one hour a month, to help him through it,' Brenda says.

'Honey, I was so proud of you when you finally came down those stairs. You had a confidence in your step that I hadn't seen in a long time.'

'Yeah,' Brenda says, remembering. She was so determined not to let Dylan get the best of her, but at the same time, she couldn't knowingly rip away his only support system. She walked back down the steps and stood right in front of him. He took a few seconds to look up at her, but when he finally did, she told him that as much as she hated him at that very moment, she would not be able to live with herself if he went back to drinking.

A knock at the door brings Cindy and Brenda out of their reverie. Cindy pats Brenda on the shoulder gets up to answer the door. 'Brenda, whatever you are feeling right now, I'm sure this too will pass and you will find the right answer,' Cindy says as she opens to door to reveal Donna.

'Hi Donna, she's in the living room.'

'Hi Mrs. Walsh, hey Bren, ready to go?' Donna says.

'Um, yeah, sure, let's go,' Brenda says pulling all of her strength together to get up off of the couch.

Brenda gets in the car with Donna and she pulls out of the driveway. 'Bren, what's wrong? You've been kind of gloomy for the past couple of days? Has Kelly said or done anything to you or something?' Donna asks, genuinely concerned.

Brenda smiles at her friend. 'No, Donna, it's nothing like that. Look I need some advice. If I tell you something, you have to swear on everything that has ever or will ever exist that you will not tell anyone.'

'Wow, Bren that sound really serious. I swear I will take whatever it is that you are about to tell me to the grave. I swear,' Donna says.

Brenda's tells Donna the short version of what has been going on with Dylan. She tells her that while they were dating she would go with him to his A.A. meetings as his support system. She tells her that after they broke up, Dylan started drinking again and he asked that she continue to support him.

'Oh, God, Bren, that must have been awful for you. I'm so sorry,' Donna says.

'Yeah, well, I wouldn't have been able to look at myself in the mirror if I had left him to deal with it all alone. The problem here, Donna, is that Kelly doesn't know that I go with him to the meetings. She's never known, not even when Dylan and I were dating didn't we tell anyone that I went with him,' Brenda says.

'Yeah, I mean, I never knew that you went with him,' Donna say and then gasps a little.

'Oh, God Bren, what if Kelly does finds out? She will go crazy. She's not going to be too happy with this. I mean, she already gets irritated every time he goes to a meeting for no apparent reason, but this is going to send her right over the edge.'

'I know, Donna, I know. It's not my decision to tell her. It's not up to me, it's up to Dylan.'

'Well, what do you need advice from me for? You're not going to tell her, so that can't be it,' Donna says confused.

'Well, here's the problem. I think Dylan's latching on to the fact that I'm supporting him but outside of A.A. I think he's projecting the good feeling he has when he's at the meetings on me, but it's showing up in school. This is the first time since I agreed to do this, that I'm having doubts as to whether this was such a good idea.'

'Wow, that's really heavy, Brenda. I mean, there are so many variables in this situation, how could you possibly have prepared yourself for all of them?' Donna says.

'Yeah, well, I've got to nip this in the bud right now. Brandon suggested that I just talk to him about it. I thought it was a good idea at the time, but I'm not so sure anymore.'

'Bren, I agree with Brandon, you've got to talk to Dylan.'

'Really, you think so too?'

'Definitely, you'll just tear yourself apart thinking about it and worrying about it. You should just talk to him and get it over with. Find out for sure what's really going on. Now, let's go watch this sappy movie, shall we?' Donna says with a smile.

Brenda couldn't help but smile back at her friend. 'Yeah,' she says.

_Casa Walsh_

Dylan and Brandon pull up in the driveway after spending the night playing some pool and kicking each other asses at video games at the arcade.

'Well, B, it's been real. Thanks for needing a 'guys' night out. I think I needed one too.'

'No problem, D. Thanks for being so accommodating,' Brandon says as he high-fives his friend.

Brandon looks up at the front porch and sees that Brenda is there waving at him. Dylan looks up at the same time and sees her.

'Bran, I think something wrong with your sister. She doesn't look good,' Dylan says.

'Yeah, I think you're right. I better go see what's wrong? Do you mind coming with, she really doesn't look good,' Brandon plays it off.

'Yeah, let's go,' Dylan says as he and Brandon get out of the car.

'Bren? Are you okay?' Brandon says as he approaches her. He looks at her closely and notices that her teeth are clenched tight and she's trying as hard as she can not to cry.

Dylan walks up behind Brandon and steps off to the side to get a better look at Brenda. He also notices that she is about to lose it.

'What happened? Did something happen?' Dylan automatically moves to stand beside her and begins to stroke her arm with his hand.

Brenda swallows hard and slowly turns her head to look at Dylan standing beside her. She is a little surprised that he automatically came to her side and began trying to comfort her.

'Dylan, I need to talk to you,' Brenda chokes out.


	4. Chapter 4

_Author's Note: Okay, here it is, the long awaited conversation between Brenda and Dylan! I know it's not a very long chapter, but it's intense!_

_Torn to Pieces – Chapter 4 – Brenda talks to Dylan_

Brandon nods his head and asks if she needs him. Brenda nods her head 'no' and he goes inside the house.

'Okay, Bren, okay, let's talk,' Dylan says with concern. She sits herself down on the front step and he joins her.

'Dylan, I need to talk to you about A.A.,' she starts.

Dylan automatically puts his head down. _'Oh God, she's going to bail on me.'_

'It's not what you think,' she says and lifts his head up so that she can look into his eyes.

'Really, it's not?' he says.

'No, I'm not going to bail on you.'

'How did you…' his voices trails off. _'Of course she knew. She always did.'_

Brenda starts to smile and then quickly catches herself. He notices.

'Look Dylan, you've been doing great for the past six months. I know I don't have to but I'm going to tell you again that I am so proud of you. I need you to look at this objectively and be honest with me,' she pauses, 'Have you been following me at school?' she asks and looks him straight in the face.

He looks at her like a kid who's been caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

He pauses for a few seconds, looks up at her and says,'Yeah,' almost at a whisper.

'I thought so. Is this getting too intense for you, having me there at the meetings? It wasn't always like this.'

'Bren, I don't know what's going on. I feel more connected to you now that I ever have. I know that it's probably because of the emotional runaround that going to A.A. brings with it, but that can't all be it. I mean, it can't,' he says.

'Dylan,' Brenda starts to speak.

'No, wait, Bren, I want to say this,' Dylan cuts her off. She closes her mouth and listens.

'Do you remember when it was my turn to speak at the meeting and I was shaking uncontrollably because I was so nervous with having you there?' She nods a confirmation.

'Well, after that night, after I had spoken truth in front of you and everyone else, I realized that there was no reason for me to be nervous, because you already knew everything I had said out loud. None of that was a surprise to you and in a way that thought comforted me. It still does, actually,' he says.

He looks at her and notices that her eyes and facial expression have softened to him. She's no longer clenching her teeth.

'Bren, I don't know what I'd do without you there with me,' he says.

'Dylan, please, something has got to give here. You can't keep bottling up these feelings that you have for me and A.A. hoping that they will deal with themselves and following me around at school. Don't you think that after all Kelly has been through with her Mom that she could also be your support? Please don't get mad at me, it's just a suggestion,' Brenda adds quickly as she sees the tension rise in Dylan's face.

'How could you say that?'

'Dylan, come on, I know this is hard for you, but do you even realize, can you even fathom, how hard this is for me?' Brenda says. She shakes her head, puts her hand up to her mouth and looks away from him and out into the front yard. She tries as hard as she can not to break down, but she's not sure how much longer she can hold it in.

Dylan sits quietly for a moment looking at her try to hold herself together. 'Bren, I'm so sorry,' he says suddenly, 'I was so wrapped up in my feelings of safety that I didn't even think of how much this could be tearing you apart,' Dylan says as he tries to swallow the hitch in his throat.

Dylan reaches over and grabs Brenda's hand. She closes her eyes and begins to cry. She can no longer hold it in and a few minutes later she hears him too. They sit on the front steps of her house, holding hands and weeping softly for quite some time.

'Brenda?' he says after what seemed like an eternity of silence.

'Yeah?' she chokes out.

'I need to tell Kelly. I need to tell her why she can't come with me to A.A. meetings. I need to tell her that she can't support more than one alcoholic at a time. I need to tell her that this is one part of my life that she can't help me with, that I don't want her to help me with. Wow,' he pauses, 'I just realized that I don't want her to help me. I don't even want her involved in any way. What does that mean?' he says as he begins to choke up again.

'Dylan, I'm not telling you what to do, but you need to be honest with yourself. You need to tell me if this is becoming something that it was never intended to be. I want to support you at A.A., but I can't do that if it's going to stir up the pot and make things more difficult than they are already. I am not completely ready for you or Kelly to be my friends again. I have not worked through what I need to work through to be able to forgive you for what you did,' Brenda says gaining a little confidence. She was determined not to let Dylan control this situation and she was determined to tell him exactly how she felt. She looked at him after she was done speaking and could see his expression change from realization to pain.

He doesn't say anything right away. He tries to comprehend exactly what she just said and tries to hide the pain he feels when she said that she hasn't been able to forgive him yet.

'I understand, Bren. I will promise you a few things, though. I promise that I will stop following you around school. I promise that I will figure out what exactly I am feeling about you and A.A. and let you know what that is, and I promise that if I decide to tell Kelly, that I will let you know beforehand, so that you're not blindsided,' Dylan says. _'Again.'_

Brenda looks up at him. 'Okay, Dylan, I think that's enough promising for one night. You better go.'

She gets up from the steps and pulls him up with her. He stands in front of her and instinctively grabs her other hand with his other hand. He stands here holding on to her.

'Bren, I really am sorry. I never meant for this to be painful for you. Please tell me if I can do anything for you to make it easier,' he says. He brings both her hands up to his mouth and kisses them. She lets him kiss her hands, resisting the urge to pull her hands back. He walks back down to his car and gets in. She watches him for a few seconds and then goes into the house.

Brenda walks right upstairs and into Brandon's room. He is standing at the window watching Dylan back out of the driveway.

'So, how'd it go?' he asks. She sits on his bed and sighs.

Brandon joins her on the bed and puts his arm around her shoulders. He can tell that she's been crying and waits patiently for her to start talking to him.

'Brandon, what the hell have I gotten myself into here? I am so confused,' she leans into him and he tightens his grip around her shoulder.

'Bren, what happened?'

'I confronted him about the fact that I thought he was following me around school and I was right. He admitted that he was following me. I asked him to consider just how painful this is for me and that he be honest with me,' Brenda says.

'What did he say?'

'He said that he's going to think about what I said and he's also going to consider telling Kelly what's going on.'

'Oh, really, he's going to tell Kelly? That should be interesting,' Brandon says.

Brenda looks at him, 'Come on, Brandon, that's not helping. He said that as soon as he figures out how he really feels about me and going to A.A. he would tell me. But you know what, Brandon, I'm not sure I want to know,' Brenda says slowly.

'Why wouldn't you want to know? Isn't that why you asked him?' Brandon asks, confused.

'I know, right, that's exactly why I asked him, but now that it's out there, I'm not sure I want to know what the answer is. I mean, what if he says that I'm right, that it is getting too intense for him?'

'Bren, I don't think you are going to be able to anticipate what he's going to say in order for you to be prepared with an answer. I know that that's why you're scared of hearing it, because you're not going to have time to process what he says. You just need to relax and go with the flow. This is one of those situations where you need to stop acting like you and just let it happen,' Brandon explains.

Brenda looks at the floor and then back up at Brandon. She begins to cry again and he holds on to her. 'Bren, it'll be okay, I swear that it will be okay.' He rubs her arm and shoulder with his hand. _'Please let it be okay, please let it be okay.'_


	5. Chapter 5

_Author's Note: I hope you find this chapter interesting. It was a little difficult to write, but I think it turned out better than I thought it would when I started. Thank you all for your comments!_

_  
Torn to Pieces – Chapter 5 – Dylan finally does the right thing_

_Dylan's house_

Dylan wakes up early the next morning. He goes right to the phone and calls Brenda. Brandon answers and says that Brenda has not yet come out of her room this morning.

'Brandon, please tell her that I'm going to tell Kelly about her and A.A. today. I was going to wait, but I don't think I can. It's eating me up inside.'

'Okay, man, I'll tell her. Are you sure you're ready for that and that this is a good time to be doing that?' Brandon asks.

'After talking to Brenda yesterday, I am seeing clearer than I ever have before. I need to do this and I need to do it now. Thanks for passing that along, Brandon,' he says as he hangs up.

He immediately dials Kelly's number. He tells her to get ready because he was taking her for a drive and he would be over to pick her up in 30 minutes.

Kelly gets off the phone with Dylan and smiles to herself. _'Maybe he's dealt with whatever was bothering him and is finally back to his old self.'_

She gets dressed and goes outside to wait for Dylan to show up. He pulls up the driveway, she gets in and kisses him, and then he takes off up the street. He pulls the car up to a parking spot at Lookout Point.

'Dylan, don't you thinks it's too early and a little too bright to be making out in the car on a Saturday morning?' Kelly laughs.

'Kel, we're not here to make out. There are a few things I need to tell you.' She immediately loses the smile she had and gets concerned.

'Dylan, what's going on? Are you alright?'

'No, I'm not and I don't know if I ever will be, but I'm working through it. Look, you know that I go to A.A. meetings on a regular basis, right?'

'Yeah, you go once or twice a week to the school and then once a month you go to the open meeting at the community center downtown,' Kelly says knowingly.

'Yeah, that's right,' he smiles at her, 'well, I need to tell you something and it might,' he pauses, 'no, it will be uncomfortable for you to hear.'

She begins to think of the worst thing he could possibly tell her that would come as a shock, but nothing comes to mind.

'While Brenda and I were still dating, she would come to the open meetings with me once a month as my support. She always came with me. She never missed a meeting,' Dylan explains.

Kelly tries to not only process what she's heard, but tries to calm all of the thoughts that have now entered her previously empty head. _'I didn't know Brenda went with him. I didn't know that she was his support. Oh, my God, she is his A.A. support! Wait, what does that mean? Why is he even bringing Brenda up? What the hell does she have to do with this? Why has he stopped talking?'_

'Kel, I know there must be a thousand things going on in your head right now, but you've got to stay with me here,' Dylan says and Kelly snaps back to reality. 'Anyway, after we told Brenda about us I was really leaning on my sponsor. I wasn't sure I could handle that much emotion at the same time and I wanted to make sure that he knew what had happened and to expect a call, maybe multiple calls from me,' he says.

Kelly tries to take in what he's saying and connects the fact that after losing Brenda and starting a relationship with her in public, his first thought was that he might be more tempted to drink. She was not entirely happy about that confession.

'About two weeks went by and I was doing really well dealing with the situation. And trust me, you were a big help,' Dylan tries to smooth what's about to be revealed. 'I was cleaning up the house one morning and I moved one of the couch cushions and pulled out a piece of paper that was wedged under it. It was a letter that Brenda had written to me. As soon as I saw that the letter was from her the image of her face the day we told her that you were the girl from the summer just kept replaying and replaying in my head,' Dylan explains.

Kelly's shoulders drop a little. She's heard stories like this before, from her mother, about how the temptation to drown yourself begins and it's almost always a broken record of something horrible that has happened to you. She lets out a breath when she realizes that Dylan is about to tell her how he drown himself because of Brenda.

Kelly comes back to the conversation as she hears Dylan say, 'So, I woke up the next morning, and immediately called my sponsor.'

'Okay, Dylan, so you fell off the horse thinking of Brenda. Is that what you needed to tell me? I've been there before with my mother, don't you think I know how to handle that?' Kelly says a little irritated.

'Kel, I'm not done,' he says with slowly and with a purpose.

'Oh, sorry,' she says softly.

He tells her about talking to Ben and the fact that he suggested to try as hard as he could to get Brenda to at least come with him to a meeting, since she was his only source of consistency. After serious contemplation, Dylan told her that he ended up calling Jim at his office and trying to explain what had happened and to ask for his help. Jim gave in and asked Dylan to come over to the house and he would find a way of getting Brenda to talk to him.

Kelly sits in the car overlooking the city with a stunned look on her face. She couldn't believe that Dylan would go to this amount of trouble to get her support back. _'Couldn't he have found someone else? There are plenty of people he could have chosen. Is he always going to be running back to her?'_

He continues and tells her that he asked her and then she disappeared up the stairs. She came down after a few hours and told him that although he hated him, she would never be able to live with herself if he started drinking again, so she would help him.

'So, Brenda comes to every monthly meeting with me and has been for the last 9 months,' Dylan lets out a huge breath and immediately feels a weight lifted off of his shoulders. He reluctantly looks at Kelly trying to gauge if she was about to haul off and start hitting him or scream.

Kelly sits in the car quietly with her mouth slightly open. For once in her life she really was speechless. She was trying so hard to process everything she had just been told. He was going to the meetings and Brenda was there for him. '_That must be why he never wants me to come over after the meetings. Maybe he's bringing her back to his house for some after meeting delight.'_ Kelly begins to feel the anger growing in her chest and narrows her eyes.

'Is that why you don't want me coming over after you come back from your meetings? Are you and Brenda having some fun once a month? Jesus, Dylan!' Kelly says loudly.

'Kel, come on, get a freaking grip. I don't even pick her up and while we're there we barely speak to each other. She drives herself to the meeting and drives herself home. You've been through this, just like you said, you know what happens to people when their support systems crumble right out from underneath them. Give me a little credit here,' he turns it back on her. 'I don't want you to come over after the meetings because the monthlies are emotionally draining and usually are not over until after midnight. I go home and go right to sleep.'

'Dylan, come on, you really expect me to believe that?' she says.

'Yes, I do, because it's the truth,' Dylan says, as he is taken aback by how good he feels telling her the truth and how indifferent he feels to her reaction.

Kelly shakes her head. She lowers her voice significantly and says, 'Dylan, why are you telling me all of this? You've been keeping it a secret for a long time, why now are you telling me? Are you having doubts? Do you still have feelings for her like that?'

'Kelly, I'm telling you because I have to be honest with you and myself. I'm telling you because I think that with everything that's happened that I may have succeeded in tearing Brenda apart from the inside out and I feel terrible and helpless,' he says as he gains a little confidence, 'I'm telling you because I don't want you to think that this was an all of a sudden decision. I'm telling you because over the last two months, I've found that when I'm struggling, my first thought is _'What would she say if she were here right now?'_ not _'I should call my sponsor'_,' Dylan reveals. With every bit of truth he tells Kelly, he feels a little better inside.

'What do you mean when you say that you think you succeeded in tearing Brenda apart from the inside out?' Kelly says, 'I mean, it's not all your fault, why are taking the blame for that?'

'Come on, Kel, not only did I break her heart, but she lost her best friend at the same time and then two weeks later she's tormented by me again asking for her to continue to support me so that I don't start drinking again. Can you just imagine for one second how much conflict that is for one person to internalize in that short amount of time?' Kelly shakes her head. 'I couldn't imagine it either until she told me how she felt about all of it,' Dylan continues.

'She told you? What did she tell you? When did you talk to her?'

'I talked to her last night. She said that she still hasn't forgiven me or you and that she's not ready to yet. My need over the last few months to lean on her a little bit more hasn't helped and I think as much as she knows that she made the right decision to help with A.A., I think she feels now like she may have made the right choice for me, but the wrong choice for her,' Dylan's voice falls as he finishes.

Kelly thinks about what Dylan has just told her about Brenda for a few minutes. She, like him, cannot imagine how it must feel for Brenda to be torn between hating him and trying to be supportive at the same time. She can't figure out whether she's really angry with him or understanding as to why he kept this a secret.

'God, Dylan, you may be right. You may have broken her for good,' Kelly says as she softens a little bit and lets the tension in her shoulders go.

Dylan sighs as he is grateful in a way that Kelly understands at least some of what he has been saying.

'Kelly, I'm sorry that I didn't tell you before, but I wasn't sure how to do it and I really wasn't sure how you'd react to it,' he says.

'Dylan, I'm still not sure how I feel about it. I know better than anyone that support is a big part of A.A and the need to have that support can be overwhelming and when it's not there it can be scary and nerve-wracking. I don't know if I can deal with and accept the fact that it's her. I just don't know how to handle that and from what I've just heard, you don't either,' she says and looks at him. She studies his face and his expression clearly shows uncertainty and confusion.

'Yeah, I guess you're right, I don't.' He shakes his head and sighs out loud. 'What the hell am I going to do?'

Kelly, surprising herself and Dylan, laughs out loud. 'Dylan, you are going to take me home. I'm not really sure that this is a really good time for us to be trying to work this out. You are going to have to give me some time on this one. I need to figure out how deep into an A.A.-dependent relationship I really want to go again and I need to find out where I stand as far as Brenda being your support. I'm not entirely sure what you want from me though,' Kelly says nervously.

'Kel, I need you to tell me honestly what you're feeling about this whole thing. I want to know whether this is going to bother you to the point where you'll use it against me or become irritated and take it out on me or start to pick fights because you're mad that it's her. The only thing I can tell you is that unless Brenda decides that she can't help me anymore, I won't ask her to stop coming to the meetings. I won't do it,' Dylan says firmly.

Kelly nods, 'Okay, I understand,' she says. He starts the car and drives her home. She leans over and kisses him. 'I'll call you, okay?' she says as she gets out of the car.

He watches her walk into the house and drives away. _'Well, she took that better than I thought she would.'_

Kelly walks into her house and heads right for her bedroom. She slams the door shut and kicks off her shoes.

'Damn, damn, damn, damn!' she says as she begins to pace across her floor. 'Okay, there has got to be answer here somewhere I just have to find it,' she continues to talk to herself. Kelly begins to break down everything that Dylan had told her. '_He needs her. The bottom line is that he needs her and he won't give her up unless she wants to go. I mean, I want Brenda back in my life too, but not like this. I didn't even think of the implications that Dylan being in A.A. would have on our relationship. I mean, what the hell was I thinking? Good job, Kel, go from one alcoholic relationship with your mother to another one with him. Do I really want to live through the pain of watching someone else degrade themselves to nothingness? Can I live with him running to her for support or her hearing him talk about our relationship in front of everyone at A.A.? Can I be with Dylan and stop myself from thinking that when he's not with me that he's with her? Will I drive myself and him crazy at the thought that when he's really in pain or scared or feeling unsafe he will be seeking her comfort and not mine? Do I want this relationship bad enough to work through this with him?'_

Kelly drops down onto her bed and puts her face in her pillow and screams as loud as she can.


	6. Chapter 6

_Author's Note: This chapter is chock full of info and also features the re-emergence of the mystery bag!_

_Torn to Pieces__ – Chapter 6 – Brenda says something unexpected and Dylan finally figures it out_

Brenda flips the page of her math book and begins to copy down the formulas that appear on the page. She hears a faint knock on her door and mutters something close to 'Come in.'

Brandon opens the door a crack and sticks his head in. 'Bren, Dylan's here and he was wondering if he could talk to you for a few minutes.'

Brenda looks up at Brandon's face. She sees the concern in his eyes and decides that one more talk with Dylan couldn't hurt.

'Sure, Brandon,' she says.

A few minutes later she hears footsteps on the stairs and another knock on her slightly opened door. She looks up from her math book to see Dylan standing in her doorway.

'Hey, Bren,' he says.

'Hi,' she says.

'Look, I just wanted to tell you that I told Kelly about everything. She didn't get as mad as I thought she was going to get. I think she kind of understood how impossibly horrible this must be for you. I asked her if she could deal with this situation the way it stood right now and she said that she needed some time to think about it,' Dylan tells her, while wringing his hands together.

Brenda sits up on her bed. She motions for Dylan to come further into her room and he sits down on the edge of the bed.

'Dylan, that's understandable for several reasons. It's not like Kelly hasn't been involved in an alcoholic relationship before. That's a big decision and I bet you that she didn't even consider it as part of your relationship with her until this very moment,' Brenda says.

Dylan looks at her as she is talking and suddenly realizes that she's probably right. He didn't think about how Kelly would react if for some reason he started drinking again.

'Secondly, it's not like Kelly and I are on the best terms right now. I'm sure she feels a little threatened by the whole situation, but if this is what she wants she will eventually realize that this has been going on for the better part of a year with you and I, and if she hasn't seen any difference in your attentiveness to her while you've been dating, she'll get over it,' Brenda explains.

'And thirdly?' he asks with a worried look on his face.

She smiles at him weakly, 'And thirdly, she has to decide whether or not she really, truly, trusts you. And you need to decide the same thing about yourself and you need to decide if you really, truly trust her. It's a two way street. There's no halfway on this one Dylan.' _'I can't believe I'm actually giving him advice about how to keep his relationship Kelly together. God, why does he do this to me? Strong, Brenda, stay strong and for Pete's sake stop talking!.'_

Dylan sees Brenda clench her teeth again and grip the pencil she was holding tighter than she was before. He thinks about everything she just told him. She's actually trying to help him figure out his relationship with Kelly. _'God, she must be a wreck inside. How do I make this up to her?'_

'Bren, you are such an amazing person. I can't believe that you would go through this much just to help me. I'm sorry that I never noticed it before. I'm so sorry. Thank you, for everything,' he says. Before she can say anything, he gets up and walks out of her room.

She watches Dylan leave her room with a very confused look on her face. _'Well, that's something I didn't expect.'_

_Dylan's house – a few days later_

Dylan opens the front door after hearing a knock and sees Kelly standing outside.

'Hey, Kel, come on in,' he says.

'I just wanted to come over and make sure you were alright. You weren't in school today or yesterday for that matter,' she says as she walks in and puts her bag down on the table in front of the couch.

'Yeah, I'm alright. I just needed a break.'

'Okay,' she says.

'You want something to drink?'

'Oh, yeah, water would be great, thanks,' Kelly says as she watches Dylan go into the kitchen. She walks over to the dining room table when she notices something glinting in the sun. She picks up the zipped bag that was lying on the table and squints her eyes a little to see what is inside.

'What are you doing with that?'

Kelly jumps a little when she hears Dylan's voice behind her. Before she can answer he grabs the bag from her hand, folds it gently and puts it in his pocket. He slams the water glass onto the table, walks into his bedroom and closes the door behind him.

'Dylan? I was just curious. It was just lying out here on the table. I just wanted to see what it was. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. Dylan?' Kelly pleads outside his door. She didn't get a good enough look at what it was inside the bag, but it was definitely some kind of medal or pin or something.

She stands outside the door for a good 10 minutes, knocking every few minutes, trying to get him to come out.

'Fine, if you want to be a freaking child and hide behind this door, then I'll just go. I don't see what the hell your problem is, Dylan. I didn't do anything wrong. Call me when you've grown up.'

Kelly grabs her bag from the table and slams his front door shut.

Dylan sits on his bed clutching the bag, trying to figure out why it means so much to him. He barely hears the door slam as Kelly leaves. He puts his head in his hands and begins to cry.

The phone rings a while later and Dylan lets the answering machine pick it up.

'Beep Dylan, its Kelly, we need to talk. Call me.' _'Man, what the hell does she want now? I know I probably overreacted a little, but give me a damn break already.'_

He decides that he may as well call her and hear what she has to say to him now rather than putting if off.

'Hello?' he hears her say after dialing her number.

'Hey, I'm sorry that I overreacted this afternoon. What do you want to talk about?' Dylan says.

'Dylan, I spent the last several hours thinking about us and what's happened over the past week. I've been trying really hard to think about what you've told me about Brenda and A.A. and figure out where I stand on that whole thing. I've been trying to figure out whether or not our relationship can stay in one piece and grow into something great or did we time this so bad that it will be tainted forever. I'm sitting in the middle of this trying to sort through everything and I can't even begin to scratch the surface of the hurdles we are going to have to face to get this off of the ground,' she says.

'Kelly, what are you saying?' Dylan asks.

'Dylan, listen, I need to know if you are actually committed to this relationship. I need to know if I have your full attention and if you are really going into this with a clear head. If there is a chance that you are not willing to put forth the effort here for our sake, then what are we doing?'

'Kelly, what have I done to give you the impression that I wasn't committed to making this relationship work? I haven't checked out once on you since we started dating. I'm sorry about this afternoon. There's nothing more I can say about that,' Dylan says pointedly.

'Dylan, I understand why you didn't tell me about this thing with Brenda sooner, but what is going to stop you from not telling me other things? How do I know that you are actually being honest with me? Especially when you become a little child and lock yourself in the bedroom for no apparent reason.'

Dylan takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. 'Well, I guess you don't, Kelly. You either trust me or you don't trust me, there's no in between, there is no halfway. This is a two way street and I have to make sure that I trust you too. You're not the only one in this situation,' he says. _'God, Brenda was right. It is all going to come down to trusting each other enough not to use this information against each other. I'm not even sure I can do that.''_

'Dylan, if you asked me about trust two weeks ago, I could have answered you in a heartbeat, but that was before I knew that you have been lying to me about this. At this moment,' she pauses, 'I don't trust you, and I can't trust myself not to get upset or angry about this in the future. I can't promise you anything at this point,' she says.

'Maybe we need to take a break. Maybe you're right, lousy timing,' he concedes.

Kelly sighs into the receiver. Her eyes begin to tear up and she chokes up a little before saying, slightly above a whisper, 'Dylan, you're right, there is no halfway. If you want a break, then it's break up. We can't sit in limbo for a while and hope that one of us figures it out. I think this is it.'

He sighs too. 'Damn, Kel,' he pauses, 'I'm sorry it ended up like this. I definitely didn't expect it to turn out like this,' Dylan says sadly.

Kelly smiles to herself, 'Yeah, neither did I, I figured that this would last forever. I mean, I lost my best friend, for something that was never a sure thing. I'm not saying that I don't still have feelings for you Dylan, but I can only handle so much at a time, and this is too much for me right now.'

'I guess this is it then, I really am sorry, Kel. I have a lot of issues that I need to work through and you shouldn't have to be dragged through them while I do it.'

'I'm sorry too, Dylan. I wish I could be strong and supportive for you, but I need someone to take care of me this time. I will do whatever I can to help you, but I don't think I could be at the forefront of that fight with alcohol again. It's exhausting and taxing on everyone around it. I guess I just didn't see that far ahead.'

'Yeah, me neither,' Dylan says, 'Well, I better go then.'

'Yeah, me too, goodnight Dylan,' Kelly says.

'Goodnight, Kel.'

Dylan hangs up the phone with Kelly, shakes his head back and forth, and flops down on his back onto his bed. _'Why the hell does this have to be so complicated? It's as if normal relationship is some kind of dirty word around here!'_ Dylan pulls the bag out of his pocket and holds onto it with one hand. He is so physically and emotionally drained that he falls asleep in that position and doesn't wake up until the morning.

Dylan wakes up the next morning and tries to remember if he broke up with Kelly last night or if he was dreaming that he broke up with Kelly last night. He sits up and looks down at his hand which is still clutching the bag. He sighs to himself. _'I don't think it was a dream. I think I actually broke up with her. Well, at least that part is figured out. Now I just have to figure out the rest of it.'_

He puts the bag in his pocket and goes to get some breakfast at the Pit.

'Hey Dylan, what can I get for you this morning?' Brandon says.

'A really big cup of coffee and some toast.'

'You got it.'

Brandon walks over to get the coffee pot and a mug for Dylan. 'Man, are you alright? You don't look so good.'

'Yeah, I think I'm okay. I also think that Kelly and I broke up last night,' Dylan says as he sips his coffee.

'You want to talk about it?'

'Not really, man, I guess she just couldn't get past the whole A.A. thing with Brenda and the fact that I think she realized that she just doesn't trust me or herself right now,' Dylan tells Brandon.

'Man that sucks, are you okay with that?'

'You know, as honest as I have been in the last couple of days, I have to tell you, that I am completely okay with that. I'm not entirely sure why I'm okay with that, but I am. I guess there's just too much to deal with right now and not having the burden of a girlfriend is relieving in a weird way.'

'I hear you,' Brandon says. 'Well, if you need anything, you let me know, okay?'

'Yeah, man, thanks,' Dylan says and finishes his first cup of coffee, 'More coffee would be nice.'

Brandon smiles at him and fills his cup. Brandon works his shift for the day and realizes that Dylan has not left the stool he is sitting on all morning. He stares into his the cup of coffee the entire time without talking to anyone. Brandon gets ready to leave and walks back over to Dylan.

'Why are you still here, man? Seriously, are you sure you're alright?' Brandon asks.

'Brandon, if I ask you something, do you swear that you'll be completely honest with me?' Dylan asks with hope.

'That's quite a request, but I think I can handle it,' Brandon says.

'Okay,' Dylan starts, 'do you think, in your honest opinion, that Brenda will ever forgive me? I mean, do you think that she will find it in her heart to actually forgive me at some point in our lifetimes?' Dylan asks Brandon and then searches his face for an immediate answer.

'Honestly, Dylan, I absolutely think she will forgive you. I can't tell you when that would be, since it looks like she's still having a rough time of it right now, but eventually, there's definitely a high probability that she will forgive you.'

Dylan nods his head at Brandon's answer. 'Remember, D, she loves you. I'm not sure if once you love someone you ever stop loving them. You just have to find a way to put yourself back in her good graces if you plan on ever having another chance for her to show you that love again,' Brandon continues.

'Right, thanks, Brandon, I appreciate your honesty,' Dylan says.

'Now that that's out there, here's another bit of honesty for you. I have never seen my sister so upset, depressed, and hurt as you have made her. I was being honest with you before when I said that she would eventually forgive you and I'm being honest with you now when I say, if you ever do anything to put her in the place she is in now ever again, you and I are going to have a problem. Don't make a fool out of me. Don't make me feel like I gave you ammunition just to end up hurting her all over again,' Brandon says.

He stares at Dylan for a few seconds and walks out of the Pit. Dylan watches Brandon walk out. He puts his head in his hand and leans on the counter.

'Dylan, you need anything?' Nat says. Dylan slowly lifts his head up to face him.

'Yeah, I do. I need a pen and an envelope,' Dylan says suddenly. Nat grabs a pen from his apron and puts it down on the counter.

'Let me go see about an envelope,' he says. He comes back a few minutes later with one and places it on the counter in front of Dylan.

'Thanks, Nat, you're a lifesaver,' he says as he begins to write on a napkin. He pulls the bag out of his pocket and places the object into the folds of the napkin. He puts that in the envelope and seals it shut.

Dylan smiles at it, smiles up at Nat, and then gets up and finally leaves the Pit.


	7. Chapter 7

_Torn to Pieces__ - Chapter 7 – Brenda finds a friend and Dylan decides that it's time_

_Casa Walsh_

Brenda finishes up her math homework and puts her books back into her bag as Brandon comes into her room from the open bathroom door.

'Hey, Bren,' Brandon says, 'how are you doing?'

'I'm alright, Brandon. I just finished my math homework and now I have to read the rest of this book,' she says.

'Listen, can I ask you something that just sort of popped into my head today while I was at work?' Brandon asks, trying to cover the fact that he's lying.

'Um, sure, Brandon, what is it?' Brenda sits on her bed as he comes into her room and sits down with her.

'I know you've been through a lot this week, but even with everything that's happened, do you think that you'll eventually forgive Dylan and Kelly for what they did and start talking to them on a regular basis again?' Brandon asks tentatively.

Brenda looks at Brandon with a confused look on her face. 'Brandon, where did that come from? That just popped into your head as you were serving burgers and refilling people's coffee?'

Brandon smiles weakly at her and nods his head, hoping that she doesn't press it any further.

'I've just never seen you this miserable and as much as I know that you are working through your anger at them, I'd hate to see you lose a friend forever over this,' he says.

'I'm not the kind of person to hold a grudge for a lifetime, but I just can't see that happening yet. The moment I can think back on what they did to me and not feel the urge to cry or punch something, then I think it'll be time to move on,' Brenda says.

'Is that urge still pretty strong, Bren? I'm worried about you,' Brandon says with a smile.

'Well, not as strong as it was a few months ago,' she says as she lightly punches him in the arm.

'Bren, please let me know if there is anything that I can do to help. I'm sure harboring hatred for people you have to see almost every day is kind of unhealthy,' he says.

She smiles at him a little, 'I will, Brandon, I promise, I will.'

_West Beverly High – about two weeks later_

'Kel, are you alright?' Donna asks as she watches Kelly stare at Dylan who is at his locker not paying attention to anything.

'Yeah, sure, I'm fine,' Kelly answers shortly. 'I just thought that he was worth giving up Brenda for and I was definitely wrong.'

'There is no way you could have known that he was still struggling this much with his addiction. You knew that he was an alcoholic going into it, but I guess you weren't thinking about that when you were hooking up with him behind Brenda's back,' Donna says.

Kelly sighs at the words Donna was slinging at her. 'Yeah, I know, Donna, I screwed up. I put my feelings for Dylan first and you were right, okay? I didn't think of what a relationship with Dylan actually meant. I also didn't realize all of the things Brenda actually did for him while they were dating.'

'I'm sorry it just kind of came out like that,' Donna says, 'Have you had any luck getting Brenda to talk to you again, now that Dylan's out of the picture?'

'No, not yet, all I could get her to say was 'hi', but I'm going to keep trying, Donna. I just don't know what else to do. Look, there she is, will you come over there with me?' Kelly asks.

'Sure, I will.'

Brenda walks up to her locker to get her books out for her morning classes. She's in a fog today and doesn't even notice that Kelly and Donna are standing in front of her until they speak.

'Hi Brenda, good morning,' Donna says.

'Hi Brenda, how are you today?' Kelly says with hope.

Brenda shakes her head a little to try to shake the fog she's in and looks at the two of them. She knows that Kelly has been trying to get her to talk to her for a few weeks now, ever since she and Dylan broke up. Brenda has been trying as hard as she could to hold Kelly at an arm's length, since she's not quite sure she's ready to trust Kelly again.

'Hi Donna,' Brenda says, 'Kelly, I'm doing fine today, thanks for asking.'

Kelly smiles a little at Brenda's response. _'Well, at least it was more than hello.'_

'I'll see you guys at lunch, okay?' Brenda says as she begins to walk away from them.

'Um, yeah, sure, see you at lunch!' Kelly says and then looks over at Donna as Brenda walks away. 'Donna, you are a magic charm or something. She hasn't said that much to me in months,' Kelly says.

'Well, it looks like today is going to be a good day, then, huh?' Donna says, 'Let's go, we're going to be late!'

Brenda grabs her lunch from her locker and puts her books away. She closes her locker door and starts to make her way out to the lawn where Kelly and Donna will most likely be waiting for her.

'Brenda?' she hears from behind her. She turns around to see Dylan standing in the hall with his hands in his pockets.

'Yeah?' she says.

'Can I talk to you for a second?' Dylan asks tentatively.

'I'm about to go out to eat, will it take long?' she asks.

'No, it won't,' he says. She walks back to where he is standing and stands in front of him holding her lunch bag.

'Okay, what is it?' she asks.

'I know that it's been a few weeks since we sat on the steps of your house and talked, and I told you that I'd tell you when I figured out what I was feeling as far as you and A.A. was concerned. Do you remember?' he asks.

'Yeah, I do,' she says.

'Well, I think I've figured it out and I wanted to ask you when would be a good time to sit down and talk about it?' he asks and looks up to meet her gaze.

Brenda sighs out loud and says, 'Well, how about this weekend some time, I've got a lot of finals at the end of the week so I'll be studying and really won't have time to talk to you about this,' she says.

Dylan watches her as she answers him. He notices that she looks a little nervous and maybe concerned about what he might have to tell her.

'Okay, Saturday then, I'll come and pick you up. Now, go and enjoy your lunch, I will see you then,' he says and turns to walk back down the hallway.

Brenda turns and walks toward the door that leads to the lawn. When she reaches it, she turns around and looks back at where Dylan was. He is still in the hall standing at the end of it, staring back at her. She quickly exits and scans the lawn for Donna.

'Hey, Bren, I didn't think you were going to make it,' Donna says.

'Oh, yeah, sorry, I got stuck in my last class and just had time to run to my locker and get my lunch,' Brenda says.

'I'm so glad you are joining us today, Brenda. I've really missed you,' Kelly says.

'Thanks Kelly,' Brenda says as she opens her bag and empties the contents. Brenda listens to Donna and Kelly talk about what the new fashionable outfits are, but lets her mind drift to Dylan. _'I wonder what he's going to say. I should have just said tonight and let him get it over with, but I don't think I could deal with anything that emotional during this week. I have to concentrate on studying for my tests and not get nervous about this.'_

Brenda tries to concentrate on studying for the next few days. Brandon comes into her room while she is in the middle of a session and laughs at her. Brenda's bed and the floor are covered in papers and books and she has one pencil in her hand, one behind her ear, and one stuck through her ponytail.

'Bren, damn, you have got to relax, look at yourself!' Brandon says.

Brenda looks up at him from the book she had in front of her. 'Brandon, I am never going to remember all of this stuff,' she says.

He walks over and pulls the pencil out of her hair and removes the one behind her ear. 'Yes, you will,' he says.

Brenda drops the pencil in her hand and pushes the book away from her. She looks up at Brandon and says, 'Brandon, I'm scared, nervous, anxious, and concerned all at the same time. I feel like I'm going to break down any second.'

He smiles at her and shakes his head. 'Bren, you know this stuff, there is no reason to,' Brandon stops as Brenda begins to shake her head and wave her hand at him.

'It's not the tests Brandon,' she says quickly and then pauses, 'Dylan told me that he was ready to tell me what he had decided about his feelings about me and coming to the meetings.'

'Whoa, when did he say that?' Brandon says.

'Two days ago, he stopped me in the hallway and asked when would be a good time to come and talk about it with me,' she says quickly.

'When did you tell him?'

'Some time during the weekend and he picked Saturday.'

'Saturday, Brenda, geez, it's no wonder you have been acting completely psychotic for the last few days. You have got to relax. Remember what I told you, you cannot anticipate this. You are just going to have to deal with whatever he tells you the moment he tells you.'

'I know, I know, Brandon, and I thought that I was doing alright, but today, I just started to feel this nervousness in the bottom of my stomach and I think it's gotten worse. I feel nauseous.'

'Brenda, you are going to be just fine. First of all, you have nothing to hide. You've put your feelings out there already, so all you have to do is figure out how what he tells you fits in with how you already feel,' Brandon reassures her.

'Oh, Brandon, why am I so nervous about this?' Brenda asks him.

'Because, Bren, you care about him and I might even go as far as saying that you love him and it's killing you to know that if he chooses that he can't handle you coming to the meetings anymore that it might mean that he doesn't love you anymore.'

Brenda sits on her bed and stares at Brandon with her mouth slightly open. She closes her mouth after a few seconds and slowly closes her eyes and puts her head down.

'Brenda, it is okay to feel like that. I know that as much as you want to hate him right now, your problem is that you just can't hate him.'

Brenda begins to cry softly at Brandon's words. 'Oh, Brandon, what am I going to do?'

He puts his arms around her and holds her tight to him. He rocks her back and forth as she lets it all go and hands her a tissue when she's done.

'Thank you Brandon. I didn't mean to just lose it on you like that,' she says.

'Hey, what are brothers for? You sure you're alright for now?' he says.

'Yeah, I guess I just needed to let that all go. I actually feel better now,' she says as she looks around at the mess on her bed. 'I need to clean this up!'

'Okay, well, if you need me, I'll be on the other side of that door, okay?' he says as he walks back to his room.

Brenda begins to clean up her books and papers and put them back into her schoolbag. She sits back on her bed and takes a deep breath. _'This is what I wanted, right? I asked him to do this. Brandon is right. I just have to take what he tells me and figure it out. Why am I so nervous? How is it possible to hate someone and love them with the same intensity at the same time? Please let me survive this, please. I don't think I can take much more of this.'_


	8. Chapter 8

_Torn to Pieces__ – Chapter 8 – Dylan lays it all out on the table_

Saturday shows up quickly and Brenda can't believe that she made it through the week without losing it at school. She started to have short conversations with Kelly again and for the most part Brenda was enjoying watching Kelly try so hard to become her friend again. Brenda decided that she was in no hurry to let Kelly off of the hook just yet, seeing as it was going to take time for her to gain Brenda's trust again.

Brenda stands in front of her mirror, brushing her hair when she hears a knock at the front door. She hears the door open and footsteps on the stairs and then Dylan appears in her doorway.

'Hi, are you ready to go?' he says.

'Yes,' she says. She grabs her jacket from the bed and follows him down the stairs. They get into his car and they drive in silence over to his house. Her heart begins to beat faster as they pull up in front of Dylan's house and she begins to remember being so excited to be alone with him here. She pushes those thoughts as far from her mind as she possible can and tries to focus on what's in front of her.

They enter the house and he asks if she wants something to drink. She shakes her head 'no' and goes to sit on the couch.

He joins her after retrieving an envelope from the dining room table that he places on the table in front of the couch.

Dylan takes a deep breath, which he lets out slowly and then looks up at her face. She's looking at him expectantly and he watches as her eyes flitter to the envelope he put down and then back to him.

'Brenda, I think that I'm ready to tell you what's been going on with me and I have to be honest and tell you that I'm actually a little nervous,' he says as he nervously laughs out loud.

She smiles and lets out a breath she was holding. 'Well, I am too, Dylan,' she says.

'Oh, good, at least we're on the same page on that,' he says. 'I think I'm nervous because I have so much to tell you and it touches on some pretty intense feelings that I'm having and I'm afraid that you might shoot me down and take off when you hear them,' he says as he looks down at the couch cushion.

Brenda widens her eyes at him and puts her hand on top of his to reassure him, 'Dylan, I promise that I will not take off. I'm the one that asked for this, remember? I know that putting your feelings out there is really hard to do, I struggled with it for a long time, but you'll feel so much better after you do it,' she says.

He looks down at where she is touching his hand and instantly feels calmer than he was a few seconds ago.

'Well, it all started with the night after the meeting last month,' he says, 'I had come back here and went to put my sobriety medal with all of my others. I keep them in a box that has a bunch of other things in it and as I was pulling the box out, something dropped out of it. I didn't notice it at first, but as I was putting the box away, there it was sitting on the table,' Dylan says as he glances toward the envelope.

Brenda listens intently as Dylan is telling her what happened. She looks at the envelope again wondering what could possibly be so important, yet small enough to fit in that envelope. She tried to pull her hand off of his, but he closed his fingers around hers and held it tight while he was talking.

'As soon as I realized what it was, I started to think back to that time and longed for it to be like that again. After talking to you that night at your house, I realized that there were a lot of issues that I hadn't quite dealt in regard to my feelings for you. I think that's why I started to follow you around at school,' Dylan pauses for a few seconds before continuing.

'I guess I wanted to feel as if I was part of your day somehow. You used to seek me out during the day and it would always fascinate me how you would rearrange your entire schedule just to have a few more minutes with me during the day,' he says as Brenda begins to feel the embarrassment rise in her cheeks.

'I didn't realize how much I missed being a part of that and I think that's why I started to follow you around,' he says as he takes another deep breath.

'Brenda, I think that I have let myself become so completely attached to you when it comes to A.A. because that's really all I have left. Looking back at what I did and why I might have done it, I realized something. The moment I knew for sure that I was no longer a part of your life, I started double-backing and doing whatever I could to change that. Hindsight is 20/20, right?' he says. He pauses again and looks at her.

'Dylan, when was that moment?' Brenda says, 'When did you realize and begin to change the way you did things?'

He looks her square in the face to make sure that she knows that he's telling the truth and says, 'The day I spoke at the meeting about my father. I came back to sit down and I was afraid of what you might say to me and afraid that maybe your opinion of me had changed because of it, but you didn't say a word, you just offered me your hand and looked at me with tears in your eyes. The moment I grabbed your hand,' he says as he squeezes her hand that he has yet to let go of, 'was the moment for me.'

Brenda looks down at their hands as he tightens his grip slightly. She tries as hard as she can not to lose it in front of him. She swallows hard and looks back up at his face as he continues to talk to her.

'As much as you may have wanted to kill me, and I don't blame you one bit if you still do, you were strong enough to let it all go and give me a little comfort when I needed it the most. I don't know if I could have been that strong, I really don't.'

'So, to answer the question you posed to me while we were sitting on your front steps, I do think that you coming to meetings with me is getting intense, Bren, but I'm the cause of that. I'm doing that to us. I can't help it,' he says.

Brenda sits there trying to just take in what he's told her so far. _'What do I do, what do I do? I don't know how to react to that. I can't believe he's telling me this. I didn't expect that at all.'_

'Bren, I have something for you that I need you to have,' he says as he leans over and grabs the envelope off of the table in front of them. 'I was at the Peach Pit one day and I sat there for what had to have been 7 hours. I was thinking about you and how the hell I was going to have the courage to tell you what I had already figured out. I figured that I better have a back up plan, just in case I couldn't get the words out while you were sitting here in front of me, so I wrote a quick note and put it in this envelope with the object I had been carrying around in my pocket. I finally found a purpose for it,' he explains.

He turns her hand over and places the envelope in her hand. He looks up at her expectantly.

She looks down at the envelope and slowly turns it over. She opens the flap and pulls out a folded napkin. She unfolds the napkin and catches the object as it falls out of the folds of the napkin.

'_Bren – please take this from me, I don't deserve it anymore. If you ever decide to forgive me for what I have done to make you hate me, maybe you will consider handing it back to me, but until then, hold onto it for safe-keeping. Love always, Dylan'_

Brenda looks up at Dylan after reading the note and sees the tears beginning to well up in his eyes. She opens her hand and looks at the object laying there. She begins to cry along with him as she stares at half of a broken heart; the one he had kept that Christmas when he gave her the necklace. She closes her eyes and closes her hand around the broken heart.

With her eyes still closed, she hears him shift his position on the couch to get closer to her. He carefully puts his arm around her shoulders and lets her lean into him. Dylan takes a deep breath and tightens his grip around her shoulder. She puts her arm around his neck and they hold each other until the tears dry up.

Brenda pulls away slightly from him as he leans over to grab a tissue for her and for himself. They clean themselves up without saying a word to each other.

Brenda takes a deep breath and lets it out before saying, 'Dylan, I'm a bit overwhelmed.'

He smiles at her and she smiles back at him. 'Well, this is what I get for asking, right?' she says as he continues to smile at her.

He lets the smile fade slowly from his face. 'Bren, I will understand if you feel that you can't go with me anymore,' he says softly and stares at the couch cushion.

'Dylan, I didn't run from you then, I'm certainly not going to run from you now,' she says as she sees Dylan relax his shoulders and look up at her, 'I just needed to know what I was dealing with, and now I do,' she continues as she stares down at the heart.

'And?' he says nervously.

'And, I think there's probably a way that you and I can work this out so that I don't feel this horrible split between wanting to hate you and trying to support you at the same time,' she says.

'Wanting to hate me? You mean you don't really hate me?' Dylan says as his eyes light up a little bit.

Brenda smiles at him, 'God, Dylan, as much as I have wanted to hate you since I found out about you and Kelly, I could never get to that point in my head. I really, really, really wanted to hate you and her, because if I hated you then I could just cut you both out of my life and not feel bad about it in anyway. I tried so hard to do it, but every time I turned around there was something else that reminded me of how much I actually loved you and how much I missed Kelly as a friend. I struggled so much trying to find a way to hate everything about you and her, but I failed every time,' she admits.

She takes a deep breath and feels a little better about telling Dylan the truth about how she really felt. 'I may be a strong person in some regard, but I'm not that strong,' she says.

'Bren, you are that strong, you are. I'm not making this any easier on you and I'm sorry,' he says.

Brenda looks up at him and nods her head. She puts the heart back in the napkin and puts the napkin back in the envelope. She closes the flap and fiddles with it for a few seconds.

Dylan stares at her movements wondering if she'll just decide to give up on him, that it's too much for her to handle, and hand it back saying that she doesn't want it. He begins to feel the nervousness rise up in his chest.

Brenda can feel the tension rise up in Dylan as she stares down at the envelope. She stands up suddenly and turns to face him.

'I'm going to keep this for a while, okay? I'm not quite sure what I'm going to do with it, but I'm going to hold onto it. Dylan, we will find a way to work this out, but you need to stay honest with me. Please don't think I'm ignoring you or anything at school, I just don't know how to deal with that yet. I will come around at some point, I swear, just don't give up, okay?' she says.

He looks up at her while she is talking. He sits in silence for a few seconds after she finishes talking. 'Okay,' he says as he gets up from the couch.

'Okay,' she says.

Dylan takes her home and they don't speak in the car on the way there. He pulls up to her house and she leans over and gives him a hug. He closes his eyes as she embraces him and tries to enjoy as much of the moment as he can before she pulls away from him.

'Bye Dylan,' she says. She gets out of the car, clutching the envelope, and quickly makes her way up to the front door and disappears behind it.

'Bye, Bren,' he says sadly as he pulls away from the curb after she disappears through the door.

_Author's Note: Of course it was the heart, of course! : )_


	9. Chapter 9

_Torn to __Pieces – Chapter 9 – Dylan deals with some of his demons_

_West Beverly High – a few weeks later_

A few weeks had passed since Brenda talked with Dylan about his feelings for her. She was having a hard time juggling the end of the year schoolwork, a new relationship with Kelly, and trying to sort out her uncertainty with Dylan and supporting him in A.A. at the same time.

'Bren, are you okay? You don't look so good,' Kelly says as she approaches Brenda, who is sitting on the lawn with her head in her hands.

Brenda looks up at her. 'I'm just a little stressed out right now. I don't think I'm ready for this history test, I have not done one bit of Christmas shopping at all, and the meeting approaches,' Brenda says.

When they started actually talking to each other again, Kelly finally got up the nerve to ask Brenda about the meetings that she went to with Dylan. Brenda told her that in the beginning, while they were still dating, it seemed like a good thing for them to share with each other, since you can't go in and sit there listening to people pour their hearts out without being honest with yourself. After they broke up and she started going to meetings with him, it was very awkward. They would sit next to each other and listen to what was going on, but the tension was too much to handle.

Brenda told Kelly that she was the one to break first. If she was going to come to these meetings to support him, then there has to be some kind of concession between them when they walked through the doors to attend the meeting. So, they decided that they needed to leave the outside world outside and only deal with what was going on inside while they were there. Brenda figured that she could put her hate aside while she was there and resume the hate as soon as she left.

'Oh, Bren, that's a lot for one person to handle in one week. Is there anything I can do for you? How about we got to the spa and get massages or something?' Kelly suggests.

Brenda smiles at her and is about to say something, when Kelly speaks first, 'Come on, don't say no. It'll be a good start to the Christmas season and it will melt away the tensions, at least for a little bit.' Kelly looks pleadingly at Brenda and puts her hands together as if begging her to say yes.

Brenda begins to laugh at her friend looking ridiculous and eventually has to nod her head yes to get Kelly to stop. 'Okay, okay, a massage it is,' Brenda says.

'Great, I'm going to go make us some appointments for Saturday,' Kelly says as she gets up and runs off in the direction of the school.

Brenda gathers her books off of the lawn to put them back into her bag.

'Bren?' she hears from behind her and at the sound of the voice she immediately gets a sinking feeling in her stomach.

She turns around to see Dylan standing behind her.

'Dylan, are you alright,' she says, 'what's going on?'

'I need to talk to you. I'm not doing so well,' he says. She takes a closer look at him and sees the lines in his face, proving that he hasn't been sleeping. She takes a step closer to him and does not smell alcohol on him. He looks at her as she steps closer to him. He knows that she's trying to smell him to see if he's been drinking.

'Not yet, Bren, I haven't done it yet,' he says.

'And you are not going to, not while I'm around, let's go,' she says. She grabs her bag from the lawn, grabs his hand, and walks him back down to where he erratically parked his car.

They get in and he drives off back to his house. Brenda walks in and immediately begins checking his usual hiding places for bottles of liquor. She finds two half empty bottles of rum and a full bottle of Jack Daniels. She puts them out on the dining room table, while Dylan stares at them from across the room.

'Okay, Dylan, what's going on?' she says.

'I don't know. I woke up yesterday and I felt fine. I went to school and then I came back here. I started thinking and I guess I just began to replay everything from the beginning to now and got caught up somewhere in the middle,' he explains.

'Replay what, Dylan, what did you get caught up in?' she asks.

'I started replaying my life in my head from the moment I met Brandon and you to now,' he says as he stares down at the floor and then back to the bottles that she put on the table.

Brenda walks over to where he stopped and stands in front of him.

'Dylan,' she starts.

'I'm sorry, Bren, I'm so sorry, but I couldn't make it stop, all of it. Not just the bad parts, all the good parts too and I couldn't focus on them. I couldn't stop it at the good parts. I stayed up all night just trying to figure it out. How do I make it stop?' he pleads.

'Dylan, come over here and sit down,' she grabs his hand and leads him to the couch. 'Listen, you've got to figure out why you seem to be replaying these scenes. Maybe there are some things you haven't dealt with yet that you need to do. Try to write down or remember the scenes that are repeating. Maybe they are all connected in some way and that will help us figure out how to deal with that issue,' Brenda says.

'Yeah, you're probably right, I'm sure there are a few things that are replaying more than other things,' Dylan says as he tries to think about it.

'Listen, why don't we empty those bottles and then go back to my house. Some dinner and a good night's sleep will help, I think,' she says.

He looks over at her. _'God she's so beautiful. I can't believe I hurt her. I am so stupid. How will she ever love me again? I'm such an idiot.'_

Brenda looks at Dylan and sees the pain in his face as she gets up and holds her hand out to him. He turns his head up to look at her while she stands in front of him and slowly puts his hand in hers. She helps him up, puts her arm around his waist and brings him over to the table where the bottles are.

He picks them up and brings them over to the sink. He opens each one and pours it down the drain while she stands in the doorway watching him. He finishes, turns around, walks over to her and puts his arms around her.

She embraces him and says, 'Dylan, I am so proud of you,' into his ear. He grips her tighter and waits for her to pull away. She doesn't right away and he almost falls asleep on her shoulder with her arms around him.

'We should go,' she says and finally pulls away from him. He nods at her and they leave his house and drive to hers.

_Casa Walsh_

Brenda and Dylan walk in through the back door into the kitchen, where Cindy is sitting at the kitchen table drinking coffee.

'Brenda? What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be in school?' Cindy says. Brenda gives her mother a look and walks further into the kitchen and Dylan follows her over to where Cindy is sitting.

Cindy looks at her daughter's face and then over to Dylan and sees that he is pale and drawn.

'Yeah, Mom, but we had a little emergency and decided it was better to hang out here,' Brenda says. 'I'm going to make some more coffee. Dylan would you like some?' she asks.

He nods his head 'yes' and sits down next to Cindy. Cindy puts her hand on his shoulder and gives him a reassuring look.

'Dylan, I've got to say, and I'm not sure that this is appropriate, but you definitely look better this time,' Cindy says.

Dylan gives her a weak smile and says softly, 'Yeah, well, I was intercepted by a certain persistent someone before I could do any harm.' He looks over at Brenda and she smiles at him.

'Well, I'm glad,' Cindy says. She gets up and begins to walk into the hall, 'you are staying, right Dylan?'

Dylan nods his head again and she says, 'Good, I'll go get the bed set up.' She looks over at Brenda, who is mouthing the words _'Call Ben'_, as she leaves the room. Brenda moves to sit at the table with Dylan.

She smiles at him and he grabs her hand with both hands.

'Bren, what am I going to do? Do you think I should go and see someone about this?'

'I don't know Dylan, but I have heard that the counselors that help you interpret your dreams do wonders for people with repeating thoughts. What can it hurt?' she says.

'Yeah, that's what I was just thinking,' he says. He brings his hands up to rub his face as she gets up to get some coffee for them.

'Why don't we start by talking to Ben and then go from there? Maybe he has some suggestions,' Brenda says as she brings over the coffee.

Dylan nods his head. He takes the coffee from her and sips. He looks at her over the cup and then closes his eyes.

Images of Brenda from years past begin to pop up in his head. He sees her in his car, at school, at a violin concert, in Palm Springs, at the movie theatre, at the Peach Pit, in her backyard, surfing in Baja, at the spring dance. His head begins to shake and he tries as hard as he can to open his eyes.

'Dylan!' he hears faintly.

'Brenda? Is that you? Where are you? Come back to me,' he says.

'Dylan, open your eyes, Dylan, please!' he hears.

His entire body begins to shake as he tries to focus on Brenda's voice and the images of her fade in his head.

"No! No, no, no, no, no, don't leave, please don't leave,' he pleads, as he reaches out to save her, but she is gone.

He hears a loud bang and tries as hard as he can to force his eyes to open. He eyes pop open and he is face to face with Brenda, a very scared Brenda. She is standing over him with her arms on his shoulders and is shaking him and saying something that he can't hear.

He slowly looks around the room and sees coffee pouring off of the kitchen table and onto the floor. He senses begin to return as hears the sound of her voice filled with fear.

'Dylan? Look at me,' Brenda is saying.

His lets his eyes follow the stream of coffee from the table to the tile floor and then shift up to Brenda's face. He sees the fear in her eyes and realizes that she's gripping his shoulders so hard that he feels paralyzed. He begins to feel afraid that he's done something horrible.

'Dylan?' she says.

'Huh?' he says, a little confused.

He takes in the scene around him and tries to figure out where he his and what is going on.

His head is a little fuzzy, but he sees Brenda leaning over him, 'Bren, you came back,' he says with a smile and pulls her into him for a kiss. She doesn't resist right away, but pulls herself back after a few seconds.

'Dylan, why did you do that?' she says.

Before he can answer, Cindy comes in the kitchen after hearing the loud bang. 'Brenda, what's going on?' She surveys the room and sees a broken coffee cup on the floor and coffee spilling from the table. She immediately goes to get a dish rag to clean up the mess.

Brenda stares at Dylan and his expression changes to one of confusion, but his eyes definitely look clearer to her. 'Bren? Was I talking out loud?' Dylan asks.

'Yeah, you were, what happened?' she asked.

'I don't know. I closed my eyes for a second and I was just hit with all of these images that kept pulsing in my head and then I started to shake and everything faded,' he explains.

'Dylan, you closed your eyes and put your coffee down on the table. It looked like you were struggling to open your eyes, like something was keeping them closed and then I called your name,' Brenda says.

'I thought I heard you but you sounded so far away,' he says.

'Well, I think you were reaching out for something, but you knocked the coffee mug over instead,' she says as she helps her mother clean up the mess.

'Oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to,' he starts to say.

'Dylan, it's okay,' Cindy says. The doorbell rings and Cindy says, 'Dylan, would you get that?'

'Um, yeah sure,' he says. He gets up and moves to the front door. He opens the door to find Ben standing on the other side.

'Oh, thank God you're here,' Dylan says and pulls Ben in for a hug.

'Okay, Dylan, it's okay, let's go have a chat,' he pulls Dylan into the living room and sits.

'Mom, what did Ben say when you called him?' Brenda asks.

'He said he would be here as quick as he could. He was concerned since he didn't see Dylan this week,' Cindy says.

'Do you think he's going to be okay?'

'Brenda, honey, I'm sure he's going to be alright. There's some demons he needs to deal with, that's why Ben is in there and we are in here,' she says.

Brenda smiles at her mother. The back door opens and Brandon comes flying into the room from school.


	10. Chapter 10

_Torn to Pieces__ – Chapter 10 – Brenda finds a little peace and Dylan finds someone to talk to_

'Bren? Is everything okay? One minute you're at school and the next minute you're gone! What happened? Are you alright?' Brandon says, out of breath.

'Brandon, relax, I'm sorry I left without saying goodbye, but Dylan really needed me,' she explains.

'What do you mean?'

'He's having a hard time and needed some help, so we got rid of the liquor in his house and then came over here. He's in the living room with Ben right now and he'll be staying in your room tonight,' she says.

'Oh, man, okay, you scared the crap out of me,' he says as he takes a few deep breaths and sits down.

Brenda smiles at him and says, 'It's okay, Brandon, thanks for caring.'

The Walsh family gets ready for dinner while Dylan and Ben talk in the living room. Brandon and Brenda help make the salad, waiting for Dylan and Ben to be finished talking. After a few hours, Dylan finally comes into the kitchen.

'Bren?' Dylan says.

'Yeah?' she responds.

'Ben wants to talk to you for a minute,' he says. She nods her head and goes into the foyer where Ben is waiting by the front door.

'Brenda, are you doing alright?' he asks.

'Much better than Dylan, I imagine,' she says.

'I'm glad you're alright too. Listen, did he say anything while he was having the outburst in the kitchen?' Ben asks.

'Not until I called his name. He asked if it was me and where I was and I told him to please open his eyes. Then I started to shake him a little hoping that would bring him out of it, but he started saying 'no, no, no, no don't leave, please don't leave' and then he reached out,' she explains.

'Okay, well, he doesn't remember saying anything, but he does remember hearing your voice and every word you said. I just want you to know, he has some pretty strong feelings when it comes to you, so you may be dragged in a little further than you would have liked to be in this situation,' Ben says. 'Just keep him talking and make sure someone is checking up on him regularly when he goes back to his house. Call me right away if there is a problem, okay?'

'Okay, thanks so much for coming out here, Ben,' Brenda says.

'It's not a problem, remember to call me,' he says as he opens the door and leaves.

Brenda takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. She turns to walk back into the kitchen as she sees the door open and Dylan come walking out.

'Is Ben still here?' he asks her.

'No, he just left,' she says as she looks down at the tile floor.

Dylan sees the look on her face. 'Brenda, please look at me,' he says.

She lifts her head up and looks at him and cannot help the tears that come to her eyes.

'Bren, I'm going to be okay, I just have some things I need to work out,' he says as he moves closer to her. She can't help but put her arms out to him as he moves closer to her and he wraps his arms around her and holds her tight.

'Oh, Dylan, I know you're going to be okay, I know it,' she says through the tears.

'Bren, please don't cry,' he pleads.

They stand in front of the door for several minutes holding on to each other.

'Dinner's ready!' they hear from the dining room.

They part from each other as they hear Cindy's call. Brenda stares up at him for a few seconds before taking his hand and leading him to the dining room table.

Dylan spends the next few weeks in and out of school. Brenda had convinced him and he agreed with her that he needed to find some help in dealing with this problem. He had contacted Ben to ask if he knew of anyone he could talk to about what was happening to him.

'Dylan, there are a lot of options here. Personally, I think the best option for you right now is just to come in to the center and talk to one of the social workers that specialize in working with alcoholics to deal with this kind of stuff. Even if you only see them a few times, it will give you some perspective and will give you some techniques to use when these attacks are eminent,' Ben says.

'Yeah, I think that's a good idea. Brenda suggested the same thing,' he says.

'Well, Brenda is a very smart woman. I'm glad you're willing to do this, Dylan. It's a good sign that you actually want help.'

'Thanks, Ben. I'll come down there tomorrow and maybe you could get me in to see someone,' Dylan says.

'Absolutely, I'll see you then,' he says.

Dylan had been seeing the social worker for about two weeks before they got to the point in his therapy that he needed to bring Brenda in to talk through a few things. He had told Mike, the social worker, everything that had happened with him and Brenda from the beginning.

He had emotionally broken down several times when he got to the parts of their history where she broke up with him several times, and when he sent her to Paris and cheated on her with Kelly. Mike told him that the only way he was going to work through this is by having a two-sided conversation.

Dylan admitted that he never really talked to Brenda about the situations because agreeing to go to the A.A. meetings with him was the only reason she was talking to him now. Mike had said that she was talking to him now, so now was as good a time as any to deal with it once and for all.

He was nervous about asking her to go with him, but he figured that she suggested he do this, so she probably wouldn't be that freaked out about going with him.

'Hey, Bren,' he says over the phone.

'Hi, Dylan, how is everything going?' she asks.

'Great, actually, it's going really great. Mike thinks I'm making really good progress.'

'That's good to hear. You definitely sound better today,' she says.

'Listen, we've reached the point in my therapy that we're talking about my relationship with you, and Mike suggested that you come to the next few sessions to kind of work through some of that stuff with me. Do you think you'd be alright with doing that?' he asks nervously.

Brenda pauses for a few seconds before answering him. 'Um, yeah, sure, I would. I didn't know that you were talking about us in there,' she says.

'Well, I kind of couldn't avoid it, since our relationship is weaved in and out all of the issues I'm trying to work through,' he says.

'Yeah, I guess that makes sense. Tell me when and where and I will be there.'

'Look Bren, aside from talking about what happened in your kitchen that day and the A.A. connection, I'd kind of like to talk about our relationship as a whole, you know, from the beginning,' he says slowly.

Brenda gets a little anxious at that suggestion. 'Dylan, I,' she starts.

'Bren, I know that you might be a little nervous about it, but what I've figured out is that I was being haunted by the past, not the present. I was still internally trying to deal with everything we had been through together, and there are a lot of things that I never got to say out loud, that I think you should have heard. There are a lot of things that I never dealt with,' he says. 'I need to do this and I'm hoping that deep down inside, you realize that maybe you need to do this too.'

She thinks for a few seconds about what he is saying. She sighs out loud and says, 'You're right, Dylan. I think you're right. We do need to do this.'

He breathes a sigh of relief at her words. 'Thank you, Bren, thank you.'

He was so happy that she had agreed to go with him and was willing to talk about their relationship in front of someone who could maybe help them figure it out.

As the weeks go by the gang slowly figures out what's been going on between Dylan and Brenda. Little comments here and there between them lead Donna to be the first to broach the subject with them.

'So, I know that it's really none of our business, but we're worried about you guys. What is going on?' Donna asks them one night while the gang is hanging out at the Peach Pit.

Brenda and Dylan exchange looks and decide that it can't hurt to tell them a little bit about what was going on. They already knew that Dylan and Kelly had broken up over something that was going on between Dylan, A.A., and Brenda.

As Brenda and Kelly had started talking to each other again, Donna figured at least that things weren't that bad and had actually started to go back to normal. They all started to notice the fact that Dylan was in and out of school and couldn't help but notice that when he was in school that Brenda was always checking in with him to make sure he was alright.

'Well,' Dylan begins, 'I've been struggling a little with keeping my addiction under control. I've started seeing a social worker to work through some of my issues and he's also helping me repair some broken relationships.' He looks over at Brenda when he says that and she meets his gaze and then looks down at the table.

'Wow, that's great that you're getting help, Dylan,' Donna says.

'Yeah, is that working out alright for you? I mean, we don't really mean to pry, but we're worried about you,' Steve says.

Dylan smiles at his friends' concern for him. 'Yeah, you know I think it's helping a lot. Thanks for worrying about me, but I'm really much better off now than I was a few weeks ago,' he says.

Kelly begins to fume in her seat. She cannot help but notice the looks that Brenda and Dylan are exchanging with each other. _'There has got to be a way to stop this before it goes too far. They are just going to hurt each other again and I will not have him taking Brenda away from me again. I lost a best friend once over him, I'm not going to let that happen again.'_

'Actually, I really have to thank Brenda for convincing me that it was a good idea,' Kelly hears Dylan saying as she comes back to the conversation.

Brenda smiles at him and her face begins to get a little red with embarrassment.

'Dylan, stop, I just nudged you in the right direction, I didn't do anything else,' she says.

'Don't sell yourself short, Bren. You've been a rock for me and I can't tell you how much that means,' he says.

The gang watches the scene in front of them. They switch back from watching Dylan and Brenda over to watching Kelly when she starts to shift in her seat.

As uncomfortable for Kelly as it was seeing Dylan trying so hard to repair his relationship with Brenda, she begins to steel herself to it. She decides that she no longer wants to be a part of this triangle and that she was going to end it once and for all. She just needed some time. She decided that getting close enough to Brenda for her to feel comfortable to talk to Kelly about Dylan was the new end goal. She needed to get as much information about their interactions with each other as possible, so that she would know when the right time to strike would be.

Over the next few weeks, Kelly does everything she possibly can to get Brenda to open up to her about Dylan.

Brenda begins to spend some more time with Kelly. She's amazed at how much Kelly is really trying hard to build a foundation with her again. She let's herself enjoy the attentiveness that Kelly is paying to her and begins to feel like there is a chance for them to fall back into the comfortable friendship they had before.

The gang falls back into their comfort zone with each other and they all enjoy a few drama-free weeks. Brenda and Kelly were getting along, Dylan was in therapy and not in the middle of some romantic Bermuda Triangle at the moment, and everyone was content with the way things were going.


	11. Chapter 11

_Torn to Pieces__ – Chapter 11 – Brenda and Dylan talk_

Dylan sits on his couch thinking of Brenda. They had been going to joint therapy sessions for a few weeks and have reached the point in their past relationship where Brenda leaves to go to Paris and he hooks up with Kelly over the summer. He was surprised how quickly they actually reached this point, but he was more surprised at how much he and Brenda have actually dealt with a lot of their emotions from the past already.

He thinks back to the first session they had, and how nervous he was to talk candidly in front on her.

_Flashback – The Community Center – the first Therapy Session_

'_It's nice to meet you, Mike,' Brenda says as she walks into the social worker's office. She shakes his hand and then joins Dylan on the couch._

'_You too, Brenda, I'm glad you could make it. I'm also glad that you are open to having these joint sessions. I really think we are going to make great progress here,' Mike says._

_He pulls out a notepad, puts on his glasses, grabs a pen from the holder on his desk and looks up at the two of them sitting in silence on the couch._

'_So, why don't you tell me how this relationship started?' Mike asks them. Brenda and Dylan exchange looks and try to gauge whether the other person is going to speak first._

_Brenda sighs and Dylan speaks up and says, 'Well, I met her twin brother first in tech class. I was introduced to Brenda as Brandon's sister by a mutual friend.' Dylan's voice drops a little when he remembers that Kelly introduced them._

'_Anyway, Brandon and I started hanging out together on a pretty regular basis and I kept running into her or should I say she kept running into me,' Dylan says. He looks over at Brenda and sees that her cheeks are starting to turn a beautiful shade of pink._

'_Brenda, are you blushing from a good memory or are you getting embarrassed by what Dylan is saying?' Mike asks her._

_She looks up at Mike and smiles weakly. 'Actually, I'm remembering the moment that I first got goose bumps and a chill down my spine at seeing him,' she says and looks over at Dylan. He too begins to blush slightly as he remembers the hitch in his throat when she walked in on him while he was in the shower and smiles at her._

'_Yeah, you caught me in the shower,' he says slowly._

_Mike's eyes widen a little as he watches their reactions to each other while remembering that moment. He feels the tension begin to rise between them, nods his head, and begins to write on his notepad._

'_So, I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that the, shall we call it the 'shower moment,' was the first time you looked at each other in a different way. As in, crossing the line in your heads that shifts your perspective toward another person from friendly to potential companion,' Mike says._

_Brenda and Dylan stare at each other for a good 10 seconds before looking back over to where Mike is sitting and nodding their heads at the same time._

'_Okay, so what happened next?' Mike asks them._

_Dylan and Brenda take turns telling their side of their first date and Brenda's first experience with Dylan's father. Dylan tries to explain the anger and the frustration that led him to violently assaulting a plant at the hotel and the horrible sinking feeling he immediately felt when Brenda starting running away from him._

_She recounts the instant fear she had when the pot hit the ground and admits that she did not even realize she was running until he caught up with her._

'_Well, that is our 'Fight or Flight' instinct, Brenda. I'm sure you guys have learned about that in school. The adrenaline takes over and forces our bodies to make a split second decision and rightly so yours chose 'flight,' Mike explains._

'_Well, as soon as I felt his arms around me I stopped and tried to process quickly what was going on. He apologized and I saw him break his tough guy persona a little when he broke down and started talking about his father,' Brenda says._

_Dylan laughs at her explanation of what happened to him. Brenda joins him, while Mike writes in his notepad._

'_Okay, so I was at my limit, but something good came out of that, right?' Dylan asks her._

'_Yes, you're right, something good did come out of that; our first kiss,' Brenda says._

'_Ah, so this is the moment you really crossed the imaginary line with each other?' Mike asks._

_Brenda and Dylan both nod. Brenda tells Mike her side of the story and how Dylan left her standing at the movie theatre and how that made her feel at the time. She tells him about the impending sex education seminar that was going on in school and how she was having a hard time dealing with all of these new emotions and insecurities._

'_Well, at some point there was reconciliation or understanding between you two to kick this off, right?' Mike asks._

'_Yeah, we talked about it and then ended up making out on the couch in her living room,' Dylan remembers fondly._

'_Yeah, and then my father came home,' Brenda says back to him._

'_Your father? Well, that spices up this story a little bit,' Mike says. Brenda smiles at him, kind of surprised that a counselor would make a comment like that._

'_Yeah, he didn't catch us doing anything, but he figured that something was going on,' Brenda says, 'and we had a little father-daughter chat and then everything was cool.'_

'_You did? What did you say to him?' Dylan asks._

_Brenda looks down at the carpet. Mike shifts in his seat and leans in a little bit._

'_Brenda?' Mike says._

'_Sorry, I was just remembering. That's the day my father found out that Dylan's father was going to be charged and had left the country instead,' Brenda says slowly._

_Dylan looks down and nods his head._

'_He wasn't too keen on me getting together with Dylan, solely based on the exploits of his father. I talked him down, threw some of it back in his face, and he softened,' Brenda explains._

_Dylan looks at her intently as she is talking._

'_Dylan, does that come as a surprise to you?' Mike asks trying to gauge Dylan's reactions._

'_Well, not really, Brenda was always good at laying down the law in front of her father,' Dylan smiles at her._

'_Yeah, well, he agreed to entertain the fact that I was going to be spending more time with Dylan, and then we had our second date,' Brenda says, trying to change the subject._

'_Oh, that's the perfect place to stop for next time. I can't wait to hear about the second date,' Mike says as he looks at the clock on the wall._

_Brenda and Dylan leave Mike's office and walk out to the parking lot._

'_Bren, can I ask you something?' Dylan stops and turns to her. He sees her nod and continues._

'_Did you have feelings for me before you saw me in the shower at your house? Mike talked about that imaginary line between friendship and companionship and I was trying to figure out whether that was really the moment,' he says._

_  
Brenda thinks about it and tries to remember her experiences with Dylan before that day. She stops for a moment and flashbacks of a horrible dye job and a floral tank top assault her brain. She begins to laugh at the thought of her ridiculous blonde nightmare._

_Dylan looks at her puzzled, trying to figure out what could be so funny._

'_The blonde dye,' Brenda manages to get out between laughs. Dylan starts to smile and then laughs along with her._

'_Oh, my God, I remember that,' he says._

'_I was so extremely embarrassed when you rode up on your motorcycle, but your offer to help me fix it was so endearing at the time that I almost forgot that I had the ugliest hair on the face of the Earth,' she admits._

'_It wasn't that bad,' he says._

_Brenda growls at him under her breath. 'I guess there were little moments here and there that we had leading up to the shower moment that I had fleetingly thought about you in a different way,' she admits._

'_Yeah, I think I had those too. I felt really bad for flipping out on you that first night. I guess I still kind of do feel bad about that. I never apologized to you for that, I just asked that you didn't tell Brandon about it. I'm sorry for scaring you,' Dylan says as he takes a step closer to her._

_Brenda looks up at him as he takes a step closer to her. 'Dylan, do you think he's going to make us relive every moment of our relationship, because I don't know if I can handle that,' she says softly while staring down at the ground._

_He takes another step closer to her. 'I don't think every moment, Bren. I think he just wants to establish the foundation first.'_

_Brenda finally looks up at him and nods her head._

'_So, what did you really say to your father?' Dylan asks._

_She smiles and shakes her head, 'That's for me to know,' she says with a smile._

'_Well, we better go,' she says and walks to the passenger side of his car._

_Dylan sighs, takes the few steps back toward the car, and then turns to open the car door._

Present Day

Dylan thinks about reliving their first moments together as a couple and remembers how straight, direct, and cute Brenda was on their second date asking him about unprotected sex. He thinks about Palm Springs weekend and Laverne. He smiles and laughs out loud a little bit.

They had talked through the breast cancer situation with Mike and it was so emotionally draining that Dylan and Brenda had embraced each other while in the car getting ready to leave and had stayed that way for a long time.

_Flashback – Community Center Parking Lot_

_After they had finally parted, Dylan takes a deep breath and grabs her hand. 'Bren, there were two times in the span a few months where I thought I would lose you forever. The scare of breast cancer and when your father decided to move you guys back to Minnesota,' Dylan says as he squeezes her hand._

'_Yeah, that was a pretty bad couple of months,' Brenda says and pauses, 'and then it got worse.'_

_She tries to hold the tears from rolling down her cheeks, but she can't. The emotional stress of the therapy session had left her vulnerable and she just let it happen._

'_Yeah, I was feeling things I had never felt before after you broke up with me. I couldn't process everything that going through my head and I just felt like there was a huge hole inside,' Dylan tries to explain._

'_Bren, I look back on that now and there's only one thing that I know for sure,' Dylan says as she picks her head up to look at him, 'I had never felt that much for one person in all of my life and I didn't know anyone but you who had felt that much for me, ever.'_

_Brenda wipes the tears from her cheeks._

'_How are going to get through this Dylan?' Brenda says softly. He wraps his arm around her and pulls her close. She leans in to his chest and lets herself relax inside of his embrace._

Present Day

Brenda sits on the window seat in her room with her knees pulled up to her chest. She sighs and stares out at the neighborhood and thinks of Dylan. She is trying to gear herself up for their next therapy session, where they are going to talk about Paris and Kelly. She feels nervous, scared, and anxious about the impending conversation and pulls her knees in closer to her chest.

She tries to focus on some good things that they had talked about in the sessions and the resolution of some of the issues they had during their relationship. She thinks back to her favorite moment so far.

_Flashback – Therapy Session_

'_So, we are up to the big dance then, huh?' Mike asks them. Brenda and Dylan steal quick glances at each other before nodding their heads._

'_Brenda, why don't you tell me how you were feeling that night?' Mike asks her._

'_Well, I started off kind of angry, since Kelly had shown up to my house wearing the same dress that I was wearing. We had see it in the store at the same time and both made excuses as to why we weren't going to buy it, and then went back and bought it anyway,' Brenda explains._

'_Ah, so I can see that must have put a slight damper on your evening,' Mike replies._

'_Yeah, but not for long,' Brenda says and looks over at Dylan as she continues. 'We got to the dance and went right out on the dance floor, leaving all of our friends behind. I was growing increasingly nervous about going up to the room,' Brenda says._

'_Dylan, how were you feeling about the whole thing up to this point?' Mike asks._

'_Well, after we saw that Brenda and Kelly were wearing the same dress, I was trying to do as much as I possibly could to make the night special for her. While we were dancing I could feel her tensing up and I was a little frustrated that I couldn't figure out a way to calm her down so that she would have a good time,' Dylan says._

'_So, we've got anxious and nervous clashing with frustration. How did you guys diffuse the situation?' Mike asks._

'_Well, Brenda voiced her concerns, just like she always did, and I think that I managed to calm her down while we were dancing and the walk up to the room,' Dylan says._

'_Ah, so at this point, we've reaffirmed that this is really what you both want to do, and have now arrived in the room. Brenda, why don't you tell me what was going on when you got to the room,' Mike says._

'_Well, I was definitely still nervous, but not anxious. Just looking at him,' Brenda says as she turns to look at Dylan and talks directly to him, 'calmed me down and made me feel safe. He had love in his eyes, not lust as it had been in the past. I knew at that moment that it was the right thing to do at the right time. We had picked the perfect moment and I don't think there was ever another one that came along the rest of the time that we were together,' Brenda says. She keeps her eyes focused on Dylan's face as she watches his expressions as she is talking._

_Dylan reflects back on their first sexual encounter. She was so beautiful and perfect in that moment. He remembers asking himself why she was so nervous about this, since she just fell right in sync with him the entire time._

'_Dylan, what are you thinking about?' Mike asks._

_Dylan slowly turns his head from Brenda to Mike. 'Oh, well, I was just thinking about how perfect that night really was and how at the time I was wondering,' Dylan says as he turns his head back to Brenda, 'how Brenda could have been so nervous, when she kept up with me at ease.'_

'_Brenda?' Mike asks._

'_I don't even remember thinking about it. I think I just followed what he was doing and the moment I stopped thinking about it, it just kind of happened,' she replies._

'_Okay, so we had a wonderful night, what does the aftermath of our first sexual experience with each other look like?' Mike asks._


	12. Chapter 12

_Torn to Pieces__ – Chapter 12 – Brenda and Dylan relive some intense moments_

Present Day

Dylan reflects on the sessions when they talked about the multiple times that Brenda had broken up with him in the beginning of their relationship. They talked about when Brenda's family was going to return to Minnesota and the pregnancy scare. They had worked through those feelings and Brenda's trepidation to be with him that summer. She explained for the first time to him in detail what she was really going through. She put more weight on the fact that she still wasn't sure if they were going to make it as a couple at that time. With the thoughts of moving away and the heart-stopping realization that she might be pregnant, the entire situation was getting to the point where it was too much for her to handle.

Brenda admitted that she couldn't really get through or begin to deal with how she really felt until Emily Valentine showed up and swept both of the most important men in her life off of their feet. When she heard that Dylan took her out and that Brandon was planning on taking her out, she couldn't help the possessiveness, jealousy, and hurt that she felt deep down inside. She apologized again to him in the session for her jealous, angry, biting reaction and for what she said to him about going out with Emily only because she would sleep with him.

Dylan told her that after she yelled at him, he went home and sat on his couch for a long time, thinking of her reaction to Emily. Based on the fact that she actually came up to him and voiced her opinion about the situation, Dylan figured that she really did care about him and love him enough to not want to see him with someone else. He decided that this would be the last opportunity he would have at getting her back, so he made sure that he was in her direct line of vision while she was on stage that day in school.

He remembers the enormous feeling of relief that night in his car when she told him that she loved him and wanted to be back in his arms.

Mike had asked them to think about their reconciliation and how they felt about being back together with each other. He had asked them if they sensed renewed feelings of love for each other or if they had just picked up where they left off.

Dylan thought about that for a long time before he answered. He believed that there were definitely some new feelings between them, but he wasn't sure if the love they had before the reconciliation was really the same as it was after. A lot of things had happened to both of them during their separation, like Brenda running after an older man and Dylan going down to Baja with someone else, and secretly drinking again.

It was difficult for them and slightly uncomfortable when they started talking about when Dylan's mother came to visit and his fight in the pool hall. Dylan recalls one clear thing from that time and he admitted to Brenda in front of Mike that that one thing rode him through the drinking binge he was on.

_Flashback – Casa Walsh – Dylan and Brenda talk outside of her house_

'_Dylan, my father says I can't see you until you get your life together,' Brenda says._

'_Yeah, well, he's probably right,' Dylan replies, defeated._

'_I don't want to lose you Dylan, not this time,' Brenda says. She looks up at him with a pleading look in her eyes._

'_I'll be alright Bren, I promise,' he says as she puts her arms around his neck. He pulls her close to him._

The look on her face when she said that she didn't want to lose him again was enough to pierce right into his heart. He remembers wrapping his arms around her and making the decision right then and there that he had to stop. He had to do whatever it took to get on the right track again.

_Casa Walsh_

Brenda reflects on when her relationship with Dylan began to be strained. She recalls letting herself get carried away with the guy from aerobics class, while Dylan let himself get carried away with surfer girl Sarah. She remembers that night in his house with Dylan's arms around her, squeezing her tight to him, kissing the top of her head, and saying that they were going to be okay.

She begins to tear up a little when she thinks back to how naïve they were back then. The tendencies to find random moments of comfort with other people were there with both of them, and they just pushed them aside like it wasn't important. She cries a little harder when she thinks about how things might have been different if they would have just dealt with those feelings at that time, instead of pushing them under the rug and living their lives as if nothing was wrong.

She thinks about the series of events leading up to her getting in that van to join Donna in Paris. She remembers the robbery at the Peach Pit, Baja, and Jackie's wedding. She breaks down at the image of Dylan jumping in his car and driving off while she stood on the lawn in her dress with tears rolling down her face.

Brenda pulls herself together, grabs a tissue, and cleans up her face. She glances at the clock next to her bed and gasps. She runs to the bathroom to fix her makeup and brush her hair and as she is getting ready, she hears a knock on the door.

Brandon opens the door and scans the room for his sister. He sees the bathroom door open and walks across the room to it.

'Bren?' he asks. She turns around from the mirror and he sees the redness around her eyes. 'Are you alright?'

'Yeah, I'm alright. I was just reliving some pretty awful memories. I guess I'm just gearing myself up for the session today,' Brenda says.

'What do you mean by that?' Brandon asks, confused.

'Well, Dylan and I have reached the point in our history where I leave to go to Paris and he stays here and screws around with Kelly. So, I think it's safe to say that I will be a complete wreck, even worse than I am right now, when I get back tonight,' she admits.

He walks closer to her and gives her a hug. 'Well, I guess I better stock up on the butter pecan then, huh?' he says.

Brenda nods at him and cracks a weak smile.

'Brenda, Dylan's here!' Cindy calls up the stairs.

'Oh, God, here we go,' Brenda says. She moves to grab her jacket and leave her bedroom. She pauses for a second and looks back and Brandon who is standing in the doorway to the bathroom.

'It's going to be alright, Bren, you got yourself through this once, you can do it again. You know how this story ends,' Brandon says, trying to ease her mind.

She nods at him and makes her way down the stairs to meet up with Dylan. She sees him standing in the foyer with his hands in his pockets. He's shifting his weight from one foot to the other and fidgeting. He looks up suddenly when he hears footsteps on the steps and sees her. Dylan turns to open the door for her and follows her out to his car.

They don't say anything to each other for the entire car ride over to the center. Dylan parks the car and turns it off. He turns his entire body in her direction.

'Bren,' he starts. She turns to look at him slowly and closes her eyes for a few seconds before reopening them to meet his gaze.

'I know that this is going to be really hard on both of us. I just wanted to make sure that you knew that I'm not going to hide anything, I'm not going to make stuff up just to make myself look better. I'm just going to tell the truth about what I was feeling and how those feelings just tumbled out of control,' Dylan says.

Brenda nods at him. 'Okay,' was all she could get out of her mouth.

They walk into Mike's office and take their seats on his couch.

'Well, we don't look that good today. What's going on with you two?' Mike asks.

Brenda speaks up first. 'We're both not too excited to relive this part of our relationship, that's all,' she says quickly.

'That's all, huh, I'm not sure that statement is entirely true, but we'll go with it for now. I know that not only is this a very difficult thing to talk about, but it's pretty recent too, so we are going to be dealing with feelings and emotions that you guys might still harbor today. The past is the past, and you guys have done a good job of dealing with things that happened a while ago, but this is an obvious turning point that still holds a lot of weight with the two of you. We're going to take this one step at a time and that way we can analyze it in little pieces, okay?' Mike reassures them.

They both nod at him. Brenda turns to the box of tissues on the table next to her and grabs a few to hold in her hands before they even start talking.

'Okay, so when we last left our star-crossed lovers, we were convincing Brenda to take the trip to Paris, unbeknownst to her at the behest of her father, because he threatened to freeze your money, right Dylan?' Mike says.

'Um, yeah, I think that's where we left off,' he says, shaking his head slowly, and looking at the floor.

'Brenda, why don't you start and tell me about arriving in Paris,' Mike says.

'Okay,' Brenda says. She takes a deep breath. 'Well, Donna and I took a cab to the hotel and met up with the other girls in the immersion program. Our room was the size of a walk-in closet, with one dresser for both of us, a bathroom that takes tokens to heat up the water, and spring mattress beds that felt like a bowling ball was planted right in the center,' Brenda begins.

'Wow, that does not sound like the lap of luxury, now does it?' Mike asks.

'No, it definitely wasn't. I spent the first half an hour trying to convince Donna not to call David right away, which was a feat in itself,' she says.

Dylan stares down at the floor while Brenda is talking. He never asked her about the details of her trip to Paris and he begins to feel a little regret because of it.

'So, we decided to try to make the best of our first night in Paris before the program started. We went to a nice restaurant, and unknowingly instead of ordering veal, ordered monkey's brains. All in all, it was a pretty crappy start to the whole thing,' she says.

'The next day we went sightseeing all day and tried to enjoy ourselves and then classes started,' she finishes.

'Okay, so tell me your first impressions of Paris and what you were feeling those first two days,' Mike says.

'Well, I fell in love with Paris. It was so exotic and different from anything I had ever seen. It was like those first few weeks when we moved from Minnesota to Beverly Hills. Everything was fresh and new and exciting. I tried as hard as I could to get Donna to stop talking about David and home, because I was trying really hard to suppress those feelings myself. After classes started, I dove right into the program and focused only on that,' she admits.

'Okay, now, Dylan, what was going on back here while Brenda was eating brains and trying to adjust to life in a new city?' Mike asks.

Dylan looks up at the mention of his name. 'The major thing that was going on was that my dad was up for parole. He asked me to write a letter to the parole board telling them what a great father he was and why he should be let out of prison,' Dylan says slowly. He turns to Brenda and looks at her for a few seconds. 'Come to think of it, he actually asked about you. I just remembered that,' he says.

'He asked about me?' Brenda says, surprised.

'Yeah, I don't know what made me think of that, but he did. Anyway, I was having a really hard time writing the letter, since I really didn't have one nice thing to say about the guy. I ran into Kelly while I was trying to write it and she just suggested that I just lie and that's exactly what I had to do,' Dylan says.

'Only one good thing happened that day, since he didn't make parole,' Dylan says.

'What was that?' Mike asks.

Dylan looks over at Brenda. 'Brenda called me from Paris,' he says. She looks at him and tries to remember the call she made to him that night.

'You didn't mention that your dad was up for parole and didn't get it,' she says.

'Yeah, you sounded so good and I didn't want to put a damper on the conversation, so I didn't say anything about it. I guess I should have, but I just didn't. The next day I was talking to Kelly and I told her that you had called me and she said that you guys were off in Paris having the time of your lives and that we were stuck here being miserable. I tried to agree with her, but I just couldn't. As much as I wanted to feel empty without you around, I wasn't. I wasn't miserable not dealing with your father's crap and attitude toward me. I guess there were a lot of things that I didn't miss and they just outweighed the things that I did,' Dylan says. He begins to wring his hands together and stares intently at the floor.

'Saying that out loud makes me feel like the biggest asshole on the face of the Earth,' Dylan says quickly.

'Okay, Dylan, that's quite a revelation,' Mike says.

'Yeah, well, it's the truth. After we talked, Steve came by and convinced us to join the tug-of-war team against the kids that Andrea was watching down at the beach club. We lost horribly and when the rope was let go, Kelly fell on top of me. I guess I never really looked at her any differently until there was no one else to look at,' Dylan admits.

'Brenda, I know that you were not around for this, but how does hearing that make you feel?' Mike asks her. He sees her clench her teeth and rub her forehead with her hand.

'It makes me feel horrible, how do you think it would make me feel?' Brenda says and then pauses for a few seconds. 'I'm sorry. I don't know if this is such a good idea for me to be here during this part of this story. I wasn't around to see it the first time and I certainly don't want to hear about it now. I thought I could handle it, but I just don't think I can. Dylan is about talk about how he and Kelly got together and I really just don't want to know the details of that whole thing. I don't want to hear about everything they did with each other while I was gone. I don't think I should be forced to sit through it while he explains it either,' she says.

She gets up abruptly and quickly makes her way out of Mike's office and slams the door when she leaves. She runs down the hallway to the bathroom and locks herself into one of the stalls. She puts the toilet seat lid down and sits on it. She puts her face in her hands and begins to cry.

'Damn it!' Dylan yells loudly and gets up off of the couch.


	13. Chapter 13

_Torn to Pieces – Chapter 13 – Brenda comes to a realization _

'Dylan, sit back down,' Mike says firmly. 'Why do you think that happened, Dylan? Why do you think her first reaction to hearing about some of this for the first time was to get up and leave?' Mike says directly.

Dylan sits on the couch, puts his head in his hands, and takes a few deep breaths. 'Look, I don't know exactly why she ran, but don't you think it's pretty obvious? She's still pissed as hell at me and I'm sure she was hurt enough with the knowledge that Kelly and I had hooked up without knowing the details of how we hooked up. I guess I just didn't think about having to talk about that in front of her. Listen, she also hooked up with someone while she was in Paris right before she left, okay? And now that I think about, I don't want to hear about the details of that either,' Dylan says.

'Ah, okay, so now we're dealing with two sets of infidelities then?' Mike asks him.

Dylan just nods his head. 'Can I go and look for her now?' he asks.

Mike thinks about it for a minute. 'Yeah, I guess you better, she's definitely not going to listen to me.'

Dylan gets up and leaves Mike's office. He looks down the hallway and starts walking toward the front of the building. _'Maybe she's waiting out by the car or something.'_

He continues to walk as he sees someone coming out of the women's bathroom. He hears the faint sounds of crying and immediately stops in his tracks. His hearts starts beating faster and faster as he listens at the door to the bathroom and hears Brenda crying. He opens the door slightly.

'Brenda?' he calls into the bathroom.

'_Oh my God, he followed me.'_

'Brenda, please come out here. I don't want to have to come in there, but I will,' he says loudly.

'Dylan, just leave me alone, okay? I'm not going back in there,' she calls out to him.

'We don't have to go back in there. We can leave right now and go somewhere else. I'll go tell Mike right now that we're not coming back. I'll tell him whatever you want me to tell him, just please come out of there, please?' Dylan begs her.

Brenda pulls more toilet paper from the roll and begins to wipe the tears on her face. She stays in the bathroom stall taking deep breaths to try to gear herself up to open the door.

'Dylan, I can't do it. I can't listen to it. I thought I was strong enough and committed enough to these sessions to see it through, but I just can't. It's too much,' she says softly.

Dylan closes his eyes and sighs. 'I know, Bren, I know. Maybe we should have thought this through a little more and told Mike the basic gist of what happened before he started asking questions about it. I told him flat out after you left that you were right. There is no reason for you to sit through that and there is no reason for me to sit through your explanation of your fling in Paris either. I don't know why we didn't think about this earlier, but we've got to get through this somehow. We can't give up now,' Dylan pleads.

'Look, just go and tell him that we're going to have to skip to when I got back from Paris, okay? If he wants to talk to you about what happened between the time I left and the time I came back, then he can do that without me around,' she says.

'Okay, I'll tell him. Now will you come out?' Dylan asks.

'I'll be out in a few minutes, just go and I'll be right behind you.'

Dylan sighs and closes the bathroom door. He walks slowly back down to Mike's office. He walks in and sits on the couch.

'I found her hiding in the women's bathroom. She was crying and wouldn't come out. She wants to skip to when she came back from Paris and not go through what happened while she was gone,' Dylan explains.

Mike shakes his head and says, 'Okay, that's fine, we can skip that part of this story for now.'

A few minutes later, Brenda walks back into Mike's office and resumes her position on the couch.

'I'm sorry for running out of here like that. I guess there are just some things that I'm not quite ready to hear,' she says.

'Brenda, it's okay. I'm glad you're back. Do you guys want to continue this next week instead of trying to figure out where we should start off?' Mike asks.

Dylan answers immediately, 'Yeah, let's do that.'

He gets up and extends a hand to Brenda to help her up. She looks up at him and almost reluctantly takes his hand as he pulls her up off of the couch. He doesn't let go as he leads her out of the building and back to the car.

'Bren, I'm really sorry about all of that,' Dylan says.

'I know, it's okay, I just wasn't ready for that. I guess I should have been, but I just wasn't. Can we just leave now?' she asks.

'Yeah,' he says as he gets in the car and drives her back to her house.

She gets out of the car, looks back at Dylan, and then walks into the house.

'Bren, is that you?' she hears Brandon calling her from the kitchen. She had almost forgotten about their conversation before she left for the session. It felt like a whole day had gone by instead of just an hour.

She makes her way into the kitchen to see Brandon standing behind the counter. He has three different tubs of ice cream out on the counter, chocolate syrup, strawberries, peanuts, peanut butter sauce, marshmallows, chocolate sprinkles, and cherries set up like a buffet.

She laughs at him. 'Thanks, Brandon, you're the best brother anyone could ask for,' she says.

'Well, that's good, because we are stuck together,' he says. 'Now, what would you like with your ice cream, my dear?'

'Oh, the works, absolutely,' she says as she sits on the stool.

'Coming right up,' he says as he starts putting together a sundae for her.

Brandon and Brenda sit in the kitchen in silence eating their ice cream. After they finish, Brenda gets up to put their bowls in the sink.

'So, are you alright?' Brandon asks, concerned.

Brenda turns around and folds her arms in front of her chest. 'Brandon, I knew that it would be hard to listen to Dylan talk about what he was doing while I was in Paris, but I guess I didn't realize how much I did not want to hear any of it. He started talking about conversations that he had with Kelly and how she was helping him write a letter to his father's parole board and some game of tug-of-war. I had this horrible feeling that after that happens is when they actually hooked up with each other, but I couldn't just sit there and let him detail exactly how it happened,' Brenda explains.

'What did you do?' Brandon asks her.

'Well, I pretty much lost it in front of them and ran to the bathroom where I locked myself in one of the stalls and just cried,' she says.

'Oh, Bren, I'm so sorry,' Brandon says.

'There's nothing for you to be sorry about, Brandon. Dylan finally came looking for me and something he said kind of clicked in my brain. I guess we really didn't think this through enough to realize that this may be a part of our history that we should not have to explain to each other. I mean, he even said that he probably would have reacted badly too when we got to the part where I had to talk about my fling with Rick in Paris,' she tells him.

'I can't imagine that being easy for either one of you. So, what are you going to do?'

'Well, we talked to Mike and told him that this is just something we can talk about. I think we're going to skip to me coming back from Paris and just let the details of that summer go unknown.'

'That might be a good idea, although are you really sure that's what you want to do?' he asks.

'Brandon I think Mike was right. This part of our relationship is still warm, you know. It's not like this happened a few years ago and we're just coming back now to talk about it. I mean this happened less than a year ago. It's still too new. I haven't even had the time to work through all of it myself, much less be able to coherently tell Dylan and Mike about it,' Brenda says.

'I thought you and Kelly were doing well and were on your way to being good friends again?' Brandon asks.

'We are, Brandon, but to tell you the truth, I still don't trust her. As much as I am trying to work through this with Dylan, I really don't trust him either. That's going to take some time,' she says.

'Yeah, I hear you, Bren. Please let me know if I can do something to help you get through this,' he says.

'Just keep scooping and I'll be alright,' she says. He smiles at her and gives her a salute.

_The Community Center – one week later_

Dylan and Brenda sit in the parking lot of the center.

'Well, as bad as that could have gone, I think it went better than I had expected,' Dylan says.

Brenda looks over at him and nods her head. 'Yeah, I'm glad we decided to skip to my return from Paris. You know, I was thinking back on the day after I got back, when we were on the beach making the sand sculptures. I had a conversation with Kelly that, in hindsight, makes me want to kill her all over again,' Brenda says solemnly.

Dylan shakes his head. Brenda, with tears in her eyes, says 'I actually pulled Kelly aside that day to tell her that I suspected that you had been with someone over the summer. She asked me why I thought that and I told her that it just felt like you were trying too hard to make up for something,' she says.

Dylan is a little taken aback by Brenda's revelation. 'Really?'

'I could tell right away that there was something going on with you, but I just couldn't put my finger on it. She told me that it was probably because I had been away for so long and that you adored me,' Brenda says as the tears roll down her cheeks.

'I just kept thinking while we were talking about all of that with Mike of how I could have been that stupid. I mean, it's not like we haven't strayed from each other before, but this time was different, it just didn't feel the same and I just let it go. I let it go because I trusted her to tell me the truth as my best friend and she lied right to my face,' she continues.

'Brenda, we are going to get through this. I swear to you that we are going to get through this,' Dylan says as he leans in closer to her to make his point.

'I know. We're over the rough part at this point. Now it's just talking about what the hell we're doing now,' she says as she turns her head to look at him.

They stare at each other for several minutes before Dylan starts the car and heads back to her house.

_Casa Walsh – the next day_

'Bren, come on, please, pretty, pretty please?' Donna says over the phone.

'Don, I don't know if I'm up to it,' Brenda says.

'Just one meal, you haven't been to the Pit with us in like months. Just an hour or two? Pretty please with sugar on top?' Donna pleads.

'Oh, alright, fine, I'll go, but you can't be mad at me when I don't engage in conversation, okay?' Brenda says.

'Okay, I'm coming to get you!' Donna says excitedly.

Brenda and Donna arrive at the Pit to join Steve, Andrea, Kelly, and David. Brenda looks around quickly for Dylan and does not see him. She almost breathes a sigh a relief out loud, but holds it in just in time. Brandon walks up to them as they make their way over to where the gang is sitting.

'I'll be over in a few minutes, guys, my shift's almost over,' he says.

'Brenda, I'm so glad you decided to come and hang out with us,' Andrea says with excitement.

'Thank you, Andrea, you all have Donna to thank for that. She just would not stop until I said yes,' Brenda says as she takes a seat next to Steve.

Steve puts his arm around Brenda's shoulders and squeezes her. 'Glad you're here,' he says.

'Now we can talk about what we're doing for Spring Break this year?' Kelly says.

'I thought we were going to Palm Springs?' Steve asks.

'Yeah, we can, I just thought we'd brainstorm about what other kinds of things we can do,' Kelly answers.

'I'm up for Palm Springs again, I love it down there,' Donna says.

'Yeah, and we can hang out with my grandparents again. I haven't seen them in a while, I'm sure they'd love it if we dropped by for a little while,' David says.

'I definitely want to go, since I didn't get to go with you guys last time, and I kind of missed out,' Andrea says.

'Yeah, me too, I had to work,' Brandon says as he sits down at their table.

'Okay, I guess Palm Springs it is,' Dylan says. They all look up and see him standing right behind where Brandon had sat down.

'Dylan, you are like a ghost, man, how did you sneak up on all of us like that?' Steve says.

'I have my ways,' he says.

Brenda finally looks up from the table to meet Dylan's gaze. He moves a chair over from another table and sits down with them.

'Okay, so, the house is definitely not being fumigated or anything this time, so we can stay at my mother's house, if you guys want to,' Steve says.

'Yeah, let's do that, is there enough room for all of us?' Andrea asks.

'Plenty of room, so I say we either take a bunch of cars down or we could always take the van,' Steve says.

'Oh, the van sounds like fun. We had a great time on the camping trip in that thing,' Andrea says with excitement.

'Yeah, only this time we need to remember to pack some food,' David says.

Everyone at the table laughs at him.

'Alright, we should leave Friday night late to miss the traffic. Is it okay if we meet up at your house again Brandon?' Steve asks.

'Sure, man, that's fine,' Brandon says. He looks over at Brenda, who continues to stare down at the table.

They eat and talk about what they're going to do the entire week down in Palm Springs. Brenda continues to say barely anything at all and tries as hard as she can not to lock eyes with Dylan.

'Well, let's get out of here. Bren, I'm just going talk to Nat for a second, I'll be right out, okay?' Brandon says.

Brenda nods at him and gets up from the table.

'Bye guys,' she says and walks out to where Brandon's car is parked.

'Bren, are you alright?' she hears from behind her.

She turns around to see that Dylan had followed her.

'Yeah, I'm okay,' she says.

'Well, that was so convincing, I think I'll just walk away now,' he says jokingly.

'Dylan, come on, it's been a tough couple of days and I just really don't feel like getting into it, okay?' she says firmly.

'Okay,' he says defeated. He hears her sigh heavily and sees her lean against Brandon's car.

'I'm sorry, I'm just having a hard time with this whole thing and I'll be glad when it's over,' Brenda says.

'I understand,' he says.

'Please don't take that the wrong way, Dylan. I know this isn't easy for you either, I just feel like we're in limbo right now and it's kind of unnerving,' she says.

He looks up at her and nods his head. 'Yeah, it is unsettling to a certain degree,' he admits.

Brenda sees Brandon come out of the building and start walking toward them.

'Look, I'll call you tomorrow, okay? We can talk about it then,' she says quickly.

'Ready to go, Bren?' Brandon says.

'Yeah, let's go,' she says.

'Goodnight,' Dylan says to both of them.

'Goodnight, man,' Brandon says as he gets in the car.

As Brandon drives away from the Peach Pit, he looks over at Brenda. 'Bren, are you guys alright?'

'Yeah, Brandon, we'll be okay,' she says as a tear rolls down her face.


	14. Chapter 14

_Torn to Pieces__ – Chapter 14 – The gang goes to Palm Springs and Brenda does something unexpected_

The gang meets up and the Walsh house on Friday night. Cindy prepared dinner for everyone so that they would have full stomachs and stay awake while driving to Steve's mother's house.

'Okay, folks, now that we have been fed, let's get on the road,' Brandon says.

Steve, Kelly, Donna, and David make their way out to the van after thanking Cindy for dinner. Brenda goes upstairs to her room to get her bag. When she comes back down the stairs, Dylan is standing in the foyer waiting for her.

'Ready?' he asks her.

She lets out a breath and says, 'I guess so.'

Dylan puts his arm around her shoulders and leads her out to the van. They get in and sit down in the only two seats left. He looks over at her as Steve starts the van.

'Let's go!' Steve says.

Dylan sits back and thinks about the phone call from last night. Brenda had called, just like she said she would, so that they could talk some things over. He invited her to come over and talk in person, but she declined.

_Flashback_

'_I can't come over right now, Dylan. I think we should just talk this out over the phone for now, okay?' she pleaded._

'_Okay, Bren, the phone it is,' he says._

'_Dylan, I'm sorry that I didn't say much around the rest of our friends, but I'm just a little emotionally drained right now and I don't trust myself to be able to keep it together,' she explains._

'_Bren, I know this is hard, but we're going to have to find a way to be around each other in front of them and not feel weird about it,' Dylan says._

'_We'll figure it out. I'm sure once we get to Palm Springs that there will be enough going on that we won't have to worry about how we're acting around each other,' Brenda says, trying to believe it herself._

'_Bren, come on, do you really think that just leaving it up in the air is a good idea right now?' he asks her._

'_I don't know Dylan. I really don't know. I don't have the answer to this, okay? I'm just not sure how I feel and how I'm going to feel until we get down there,' she says._

'_Well, I guess that's the best we can do right now. Promise me something though?' he asks._

'_What?' she says._

'_If it starts getting too weird or you feel like you're going to fall apart, you'll come and talk to me about it?' he asks._

_Brenda stays silent for a few seconds. 'Okay, Dylan, I promise,' she says._

Present Day

Dylan looks over at her as Steve is driving the van. She stares at the back of the passenger seat for a few seconds and then slowly turns her head toward him. He can tell that she doesn't have her teeth clenched, but she's definitely biting the inside of her lip.

They arrive at Steve's mother's house in Palm Springs about two hours later and begin unpacking their bags.

Steve shows them around the large house and designates bedrooms for everyone. They spend a few days getting settled and enjoying the fact that they are on their own for a whole week.

They were all hanging out near the pool and relaxing one night, when Dylan notices that Brenda had gone inside to get something and had not come back out. They had been doing really well with being together within their group of friends and had not had any uncomfortable moments so far, although it didn't seem as though Brenda was having a good time. He gets up and goes into the house to look for her. He looks around the bottom floor of the house for her and finally finds her standing in the sun room staring out the window.

'Bren?' he says tentatively.

She turns around slowly to look at him and he sees a soft, calming look in her eyes. She looks at him for a few seconds and then turns back to look out the window. He walks over to her and stands next to her. Dylan tries to figure out what to say to her when she suddenly turns her body around to face him and looks up into his face.

'Dylan,' she says. He turns to look at her and something in her eyes catches him off guard. He thinks that he's seen that look in her eye before but can't seem to place it. She slowly inches closer to him and as she does he instinctively puts his arms around her waist and pulls her to him. She doesn't protest, but surprises him instead by wrapping her arms around his neck.

She stands on her tip toes and pulls him down to her lips and kisses him. He immediately tightens his grip around her and loses himself in her embrace. He's not sure how long they stood there in the sun room kissing, but when they finally break from each other, Brenda takes her hand and caresses the side of his face.

She smiles at him and kisses him gently. She looks up at him one more time before leaving the room. He stands by himself in the sun room staring at the door she disappeared behind. A smile creeps slowly across his lips and he makes his way outside to rejoin the rest of their friends.

When he gets outside Brenda is talking with Donna and Kelly. He notices right away that she's smiling and laughing for the first time since they arrived here in Palm Springs.

'Looks like it's time for charades, right?' Brenda says.

'Yeah, that's a great idea!' Steve says. They make their way back inside as Brenda goes to one of the lounge chairs to retrieve her jacket. Dylan waits at the door for her after everyone else had gone inside to write down ideas for charades.

She sees him waiting for her. She walks right up to him and stands in front of him.

'Bren, are you sure you're feeling alright?' Dylan asks.

She smiles at him and laughs a little. 'Dylan, I feel great for the first time in a long time. Come on,' she says as she grabs his hand and pulls him inside.

_The Community Center – a week later_

'So, how was our vacation in Palm Springs?' Mike asks them.

Brenda and Dylan look at each other and smile.

'Well, it definitely turned out quite different than I thought it would,' Dylan says.

'Why do you say that, Dylan?' Mike asks.

Brenda chimes in and answers for him, 'He says that because I finally reached a point where I could be myself again and I think I kind of surprised him a little bit.'

'A little bit? How about a lot?' he says with a smile.

'It sounds like something good happened during this trip, spill it,' Mike says.

Brenda tells Mike that she was feeling very uncomfortable being around him and all of their friends because of all of the things that they had been through in the last few weeks. She was standing in the sun room trying to figure out what she could do to get out of this rut that she had been in and had finally figured it out.

'I just needed to feel comfortable around Dylan and the only way I could think of to get to that point quickly so that I could enjoy myself was to,' Brenda pauses.

'She wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed me,' Dylan finishes.

'You kissed him? Well, that's one way to do it,' Mike says.

'I know, it may seem like a weird thing to do, but I have to say that I was right. It worked and I had a great time the rest of the week that we were there,' Brenda says.

'Yeah, so did I, in so much as she made it a point to kiss me like that at least once a day every day until we left,' he says while he looks over at Brenda.

'I'm not going to apologize for it. Although I do think now that we have a whole lot more to talk about, since I decided to kind of take this in a totally different direction than we were heading,' Brenda admits.

'It definitely changes my notes,' Mike says as he writes frantically in his notebook. Brenda couldn't help but laugh as he dramatically writes 'they kissed' in huge letters in his notepad.

They spend the rest of the session talking about Brenda's involvement with Dylan and A.A. and finally get to Dylan's breakdown in her kitchen that day.

'So, Dylan, now that we've been through about,' Mike starts to say as he looks over at the calendar, 'twelve weeks of therapy, are you still having these blackouts?'

'Actually, no, I'm not. They stopped right around the time that I started bringing Brenda with me,' he says.

'It looks like we've made some progress then in that department. Do you still feel the pull to binge?' Mike asks.

'You know, to tell you the truth, I haven't really thought about drinking at all,' Dylan says, a little surprised to hear himself say that out loud.

_Casa Walsh_

Brenda walks into her house after her session with Dylan. She walks directly into the kitchen and sees Brandon poised at the freezer with his hand on the door.

'To need or not to need?' he asks her without turning around.

'You know Brandon, today was a good day. I don't think I need any ice cream right now,' Brenda says.

Brandon slowly turns around and narrows his eyes at her, trying to gauge if she's lying. He sees her smile at him and notices that the usual tension he sees in her face when she comes back from therapy with Dylan is not there.

'Wow, no ice cream day, huh? Must have been a great session,' Brandon says.

'Yeah, you know it was. We're actually up to the present and are talking about our relationship the way it is now and why we were actually going to therapy in the first place,' Brenda says.

'That's great, Bren. I'm glad you guys are working it out,' Brandon says as he gives her a hug.

_Dylan's House_

Dylan gets home after his session with Brenda. He walks directly to the hutch and pulls out a bottle of Jack Daniels. He puts it on the table and stares at for about 10 minutes.

He grabs the bottle and pours it down the sink. He smiles at himself as he throws the bottle in the trash and goes to sit down on the couch.

He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes. He thinks back to Palm Springs and the second time Brenda decided it was time for them to kiss again.

_Flashback – Palm Springs_

_Dylan lies awake on the couch in the living room of the house staring at the ceiling. He's the only one awake, as everyone else had retired a few hours ago, but he can't seem to make himself sleep. Every time he closes his eyes, he feels Brenda's lips on his and feels her hands on the back of his head. He smiles to himself, enjoying the memory of her touch._

_He opens his eyes and sits up on the couch when he hears footsteps on the stairs. He hears the steps go into the kitchen and the water running. He doesn't get up, hoping that whoever is up will go right back to bed._

_He hears the footsteps getting closer and looks up to see Brenda standing in the doorway._

'_Bren, what are you doing up?' he asks her._

'_I was about to ask you the same thing. Are you okay?' she says as she walks over to the couch and sits down next to him._

'_Yeah, yeah, I'm okay, just can't sleep,' he says._

'_Me either. I thought maybe if I got up and walked around for a while that I would tire myself out, but that didn't work.'_

_He looks at her and swallows hard._

'_Dylan, I'm sorry for surprising you yesterday. I just needed to do that,' she says._

'_Bren, I think I needed you to do that too,' he answers._

_She feels her heart beating faster and faster and tries to keep her breathing under control. She had been up thinking about how great it felt with his arms around her body and the passion in his lips when he kissed her back._

_She stares at him and sees that he is trying to control himself too. They instinctively lean very slowly toward each other. Almost expecting to hear a doorbell or someone call their names, they stop. Brenda moves her eyes around the room, waiting for something to stop them from kissing each other again._

_Dylan stops for a second and then decides that enough is enough. He puts his hand on the back of her head and pulls her quickly to him. She leans into him and they begin kissing passionately._

_They lose themselves in each other and when they finally part, Brenda realizes that she's lying on top of him, trying to take off his shirt._

'_Oh, my God,' she says quickly. She lifts herself off of him and slowly sits on the other end of the couch._

_They breathe heavily for a few minutes. 'Bren, I'm sorry, I didn't even realize,' Dylan starts to say._

'_I know, me either. Dylan, I think I better go back upstairs now,' she says quickly._

'_Yeah, yeah, that's probably a good idea,' he says just as quickly._

Present Day

Dylan remembers thinking that Brenda was probably going to act strangely toward him the next day after that encounter, but she didn't. They fell right back in sync with each other as if nothing had happened. Every night until they left Palm Springs, Brenda and Dylan would kiss each other goodnight in some way or another.

As strange as it was for her to switch gears so quickly, Dylan was kind of enjoying the cat and mouse that they were playing with each other. He saw it as a good sign that she was ready to entertain the notion of being with him again.

He is pulled out of his revelry when the phone begins to ring. He looks over at the clock and registers that it reads 1:48am. Confused, he picks up the phone and speaks into the receiver.

'Dylan? Did I wake you?' he hears Brenda's voice.

'No, no I was just reading,' he lies.

'Um, yeah, well, I just wanted to say goodnight,' she says.

He smiles into the receiver. He can tell right away that she was thinking about their late night kisses too. He decided that it's time they figured this out.

'Bren, I'm coming over to say goodnight in person, okay?' he says quickly.

'I thought you'd never ask,' she says.


	15. Chapter 15

_Author's Note: Thank you all so much for the great comments! I hope you enjoy this chapter as much as I enjoyed finally being able to write it. I know it took a long time for Brenda and Dylan to connect to each other, but they finally have and it just gets more interesting from here! Enjoy!_

_Torn to Pieces__ – Chapter 15 – Brenda has a surprise for Dylan_

Brenda carefully gets out of bed and slowly walks down the steps. She makes her way out of the back door to the driveway, where she waits for Dylan to show up. He pulls up a few minutes later, parks the car, and walks up to meet her. She leads him to the backyard, where they sit at the picnic table.

'Dylan, there's something I have to tell you,' Brenda says slowly.

'What's that?' he asks her.

'Before we, um, go any further than we already have, I think that it may be a good idea to talk this over with Mike a little. Not only am I really nervous about this, but I feel like we've come so far at this point that I don't want us to do something stupid to screw it up,' she says while staring directly at him.

Dylan stares back at her, nods his head a little, and thinks about what she has just said. He reaches over and takes her hand and threads his fingers with hers.

'Bren, you're probably right. I don't want to screw this up either. What do we do until then?'

She squeezes his hand and gets up off of the bench. She stands in front of him, wraps her arms around his neck, and kisses the top of his head. He puts an arm around her and sits her down on his lap.

'Bren, I don't want this to go any faster than you want it to. I don't want to do anything to jeopardize any of the progress that we've made together,' he says.

Brenda smiles at him. She leans in slowly to kiss him and he meets her halfway. They kiss each other slowly and deliberately.

When they part, Brenda gets up off of his lap. She lets go of his hand, holding on to his fingers for a few seconds before letting go completely.

'Goodnight, Dylan,' she says.

He stands up and says, 'Goodnight, Bren.' She begins to walk slowly backwards toward this house as he walks slowly toward the driveway. They stare until they can no longer see each other.

Brenda sighs and opens to back door. She makes her way back up to her room, lies on her bed, and stares at the ceiling with a smile on her face.

_Casa Walsh – a few weeks later_

Brenda gets ready for Dylan to pick her up. Brandon knocks on her door and comes into her room.

'So, Bren, this is it, huh?' Brandon asks.

'Yup, it's our last session with Mike, at least for a little while,' Brenda says.

'Well, what happens now?'

'Mike evaluates our strength and Dylan's resolve not to drink himself into a stupor,' Brenda says.

'He's kind of like grading you on your progress then?' Brandon asks.

'Kind of, but that's a really harsh way to put it, Brandon,' she says. Brenda walks over to her jewelry box and pulls something out of it and puts it in her pocket.

'Bren, what are trying to hide?' he asks.

She turns around and looks at him. 'Okay, Brandon, but you have to promise that you won't tell anyone as long as you live,' she says.

'Scout's honor,' he replies.

She pulls out the broken heart from her pocket and shows it to him. He looks at it and then back up at her with a confused look on his face.

'A few Christmases ago, Dylan bought me a heart pendant. He kept one half of it, while I kept the other half. Remember when I went over there to talk to him because he had decided what he had felt about me and going to A.A with him?'

Brandon nods his head.

'Okay, well, he gave this back to me, saying that he didn't deserve it. He said that when I felt like I could finally forgive him for what he did to me, then I could decide whether I wanted to give it back to him,' she explains.

'You're going to forgive him?' Brandon asks.

'I think I already have, Brandon. I'm not sure if I'm actually going to give it back to him, but I've taken to carrying it around with me, just in case I feel that the time is right,' she says.

She puts the heart back in her pocket.

'Good luck, Bren,' he says as he stands up and gives her a hug.

She smiles up at him and says, 'Thanks, Brandon.'

_The Community Center_

'Well, it looks like you guys are done with this group of sessions according to Mike. How do you feel?' Ben asks Dylan and Brenda.

'I feel great, Ben. I don't think I've felt this good ever,' Dylan says.

'Me too, I'm glad we did this together,' Brenda says.

'Well, just remember what you've learned about yourselves and each other and use that to build a solid foundation,' Ben says.

Brenda smiles and turns her head toward Dylan. He's already looking at her with a smile on his face and he laughs out loud when she looks at him.

'Ben, thank you so much for introducing Dylan to this therapy program. I think it really helped both of us see through all of the crap that was always surrounding us, which is something we could never get past on our own,' Brenda says.

Dylan shakes Ben's hand. He puts his arm around Brenda's shoulders and leads her outside.

'Well, Bren, we did it. Sixteen weeks of therapy has cured me from being tortured by past images and unresolved feelings which fueled the need to drink it all away and has helped us figure out what the hell we're doing to each other. I think it was a success, don't you?' Dylan says.

'Yes I do. I'm glad you decided to try this and I'm glad it worked,' she says.

'Yeah, I'm glad you convinced me to do this and I'm really glad you were willing to come with me,' he smiles at her.

'Well, shall we?' he says as Brenda nods her head. They get into his car and he drives over to the Walsh house.

Brandon and his parents were in the living room waiting for Brenda and Dylan to come back from their last session together. Brandon was a little nervous for them, as he wasn't sure if this would be a good session or not.

Jim and Cindy sat on the couch concerned about their daughter. Jim knew that Brenda loved Dylan and that she would be willing to help him through anything, but he was really hoping that this wasn't too much to break his daughter. She had told them to be ready for the eventuality that she and Dylan would be together again at some point during this process, but he was really hoping to see some improvement in Dylan before being okay with that.

'Okay, they just pulled up,' Brandon says to his parents as he stares out the window, 'they're smiling, and that's a good sign, right?'

Jim and Cindy exchange looks with each other as the front door opens.

Brenda and Dylan walk into the house to see her parents and Brandon in the living room waiting for them.

'So, did you pass?' Brandon asks.

Brenda smiles at him, 'Yes Brandon, we passed.' Dylan walks into the room and Jim looks at him for a few seconds, and then stands up and offers his hand. Dylan walks over to where Jim is and shakes it as Jim pulls him into a hug.

'Glad you're here, Dylan,' Jim says to him, 'You look great.'

'Thanks, Jim. For the first time in a long time, I feel great,' Dylan says. He smiles over at Brenda, who smiles back at him.

'So, what happened? Don't keep us in suspense!' Cindy says.

'Well, we're finished with this set of sessions. I have successfully stopped the repeating images that were driving me to want to drown myself in alcohol, and I learned something about myself in the process,' Dylan starts.

'What's that?' Brandon says.

'That pushing everything down as far as it will go and forgetting about it until it comes back to haunt me is a bad idea. I'm going to be more upfront and honest with how I feel about everything, and that way I don't have to worry about dealing with these demons later,' he says.

'And I figured out that my nervousness and doubt with this whole situation stemmed from my struggle with wanting to be angry and supportive to Dylan at the same time. It was impossible for me to separate my real feelings about him with the intense anger I was harboring,' Brenda says as she looks at Brandon and nods her head at him.

Dylan and Brenda look at each other. 'I have come to grips with the fact that Dylan ran to Kelly after all of the problems we were having with each other and with you, Dad. Dylan saw the easy way out and took it in order to shed the issues surrounding our relationship. We just weren't strong enough or honest enough to deal with it at the time,' she continues.

'We have worked through that entire situation from beginning to end and I can safely say that I have come to the point that I am ready to forgive him,' she says softly while looking at Dylan.

He drops his head as tears come to his eyes while she is talking. 'Really?' he says just above a whisper.

She walks over to where he is standing and puts her hand on his shoulder. He looks at her and she embraces him as he wraps his arms around her.

Jim, Cindy, and Brandon all can't help but smile at the scene unfolding in front of them.

'Well, it looks like some of us have grown up a little,' Cindy says as she wipes a tear from her cheek.

Brenda and Dylan part from each other and look over at them. Brandon gets up off of the couch and walks over to where they are standing. He puts his arms around both of them and hugs them tight.

'Welcome back, guys,' he says.

Brenda fishes in her pocket and pulls out the broken heart. She holds it out to Dylan with tears in her eyes and takes a deep breath.

He slowly brings his hand up and takes the heart out of her hand. He closes his fist around it.

'Thank you,' he says as a tear rolls down his face.

_Casa Walsh – about a week later_

Brenda sits in her room trying to catch up on her studying. With everything that's happened with Dylan over the past two weeks, she hasn't had time to hit the books. She finishes a chapter in her history book and flips back to the beginning to read it again, just in case she missed something.

'Hey Bren,' she hears from the doorway. Brenda looks up and sees Kelly standing in her room.

'Hi, Kel,' Brenda says and sits up a little on her bed.

'I was hoping that you'd want to take a break and hang out for a little bit,' Kelly says.

Brenda looks down at her books and then back up at Kelly. 'Um, yeah, okay, that'll be nice,' she says.

Kelly walks over and sits on Brenda's bed. She pulls out a bunch of magazines for them to look at and turns on Brenda's radio.

The girls sit around looking at the magazines and talking about what else had been going on at school.

'So, how are things with Dylan? Are you guys making progress?' Kelly asks her, hoping that Brenda will give her more than a one word answer this time.

'Oh, yeah, we're actually on hiatus at the moment. We finished the first set of joint sessions and our counselor thinks that a break from the sessions until after graduation is a good idea for both of us,' Brenda explains.

'So, did you work out that past stuff that you were so worried about?'

'Actually, Kelly, we went through it all from the beginning all the way to where we are now, and I have to say that I feel so much more comfortable knowing that those things are all taken care of,' Brenda says with a smile.

'That's great, Bren, I'm really happy for you guys. It's nice to have you back,' Kelly says with a fake smile. She tries really hard to make it genuine so that Brenda doesn't get suspicious.

'Kel, are you okay with all of this? I mean, I'm sure Dylan didn't mean for you guys to break up over this, and I kind of feel weird about it,' Brenda says.

'Don't feel weird, Brenda. I've said it before and I'll say it again, you and Dylan were meant to be together. There were a lot of things that we just didn't think about and I can tell you that I'm kind of glad it ended the way it did. I really thought that I would be angry and jealous, but I was kind of relieved. I was relieved because I thought that maybe I'd get my best friend back and I'm so glad that you and I aren't fighting anymore,' Kelly says to her.

Brenda smiles at her. 'I don't know that we're meant to be together, Kel, but there's definitely a connection there that I just can't get rid of. It's probably the fact that he was my first, right? I mean, everyone says that you never forget your first and I'm starting to believe that it's totally true,' Brenda says. 'I'm glad we're not fighting anymore too. I definitely missed having someone to talk to,' she adds.

'Well, now that we're past our issues and that you've worked through all of your past issues with Dylan, do you think you guys are going to start doing it again?' Kelly asks boldly.

'Kelly!' Brenda says. 'We're not dating each other and we're definitely not doing it.'

'Okay, okay, just asking,' Kelly says joking around. Brenda finally smiles at her and laughs along.

Kelly leaves a few hours later and Brenda returns to studying. She doesn't hear Brandon knocking on the door an hour later.

'Brenda?' he says from the hallway loudly.

'Yeah?' she replies.

He opens the door to see her hunched over a book with a pencil in her hand.

'Didn't you hear me knocking?' he asks her.

She looks up at him and shakes her head. 'No, I didn't, sorry,' she says.

'It's okay. I just wanted to tell you that I ran into Dylan at the Pit earlier and he asked about you,' Brandon says.

'He did?' she says and can't help the smile that comes across her face.

'Yeah, he asked me to tell you when you are done studying for the night to give him a call if you wanted to,' Brandon says.

'Oh, okay, thanks, Brandon,' she says.

'Well, I'll leave you to it then,' he says as he walks through the bathroom and into his room.

She sits up and picks up the phone. She dials Dylan's number and when he answers says, 'A little birdie told me that you were talking about me,' she says.

'Well, that birdie is pretty smart then. How's the studying going?' he asks her.

'Um, okay, I'm trying to get through these History chapters,' she says.

'Are you on the first read-through or the second read-through?' he asks, laughing.

She smiles and says, 'Hey, stop laughing at me. It works you know,' she says.

'You know, Bren, you never cease to amaze me,' he says.

'Well, thank you,' she replies.

'I was thinking about you because it's our night and it feels weird not to be coming over to pick you up,' he admits.

Brenda sits back on her bed and looks over at the clock. Dylan would be pulling up in the driveway right about now to drive over to the center for their session. She thinks about it for a few seconds and then smiles to herself.

'Well, then why aren't you here?' she says.

Dylan pauses for a second and then says, 'I don't know.'

'Maybe you should think about that,' she says as she hangs up the phone. She smiles to herself, gets off the bed, and goes to the bathroom to fix up her makeup and her hair.

Dylan stands in the living room staring at the phone with a smirk on his face. _'I can't believe she just did that!'_ Dylan puts the phone back in the cradle and stares at his car keys that are on the table next to the phone.

He tries to remember her tone and how she was talking to him to decide whether or not she really wanted him to come and get her. He thinks that maybe she was flirting with him just before she hung up, but he wasn't sure. _'Well, there's only one way to find that out.'_

He grabs the keys and leaves the house.


	16. Chapter 16

_Torn to Pieces__ – Chapter 16 – Brenda and Dylan explore and Kelly learns something _

Brenda goes downstairs to where her parents are watching television.

'Hi, Dylan's coming to get me in a few minutes,' she tells them.

'Oh, aren't you guys done with your sessions for now?'

'Yeah, we are, but I think we're just so used to spending this time together that we're just going to go and hang out and talk about what's happened this week. It's kind of good for us to recap and reconnect with each other once a week. I think it's been really helpful,' Brenda explains.

'Well, as long as you're only talking. You're not dating him again, right?' Jim asks.

'No, Dad, we are not dating. There is still too much going on right now to even think about that kind of stuff. I promise,' she says.

'Okay, then,' he says and goes back to watching the television.

She turns around and goes into the kitchen with a huge smile on her face. The doorbell rings a few minutes later and she comes out of the kitchen and says goodbye to her parents. She opens the door to see Dylan standing on the other side.

She smiles at him, steps outside, and closes the door behind her.

'So, where are we going?' she asks.

He immediately knows by the look on her face that she was definitely flirting with him on the phone.

'Anywhere you want,' he says.

'Why don't we just get in the car and drive for a while?' Brenda says as she walks down to where Dylan's car is parked.

'Okay,' he says and follows her.

Dylan starts driving, at first he's not sure where he's going to take them, but decides that he's going to steer the car toward the beach.

They don't talk much while he's driving until they reach the beach and he parks the car and shuts it off.

'Want to sit here or take a walk?' he asks her.

Brenda thinks about it for a few seconds and looks over at Dylan. 'Let's walk,' she says and gets out of the car.

They walk down to the edge of the water and start to walk down the beach. Dylan walks as close to her as he can get. She eventually stops walking and turns to him.

'Dylan, I just want to say that I can't even describe how much better I feel about us now that we've dealt with a lot of our past issues. I wasn't really sure how I was going to feel about it, but now that I've had a week to think it over, I really do think that it was the right thing for us to do,' she says.

He turns to her and grabs both of her hands and squeezes them. 'Bren, I feel the same way. It's been such a relief not to have worry about you hating me and how things are really going to turn out. I know that this will work itself out and I actually feel great knowing that I don't have to pretend or be someone I'm not just to hide what I'm actually feeling. And I have no desire to drink,' he says to her.

'That's great, Dylan, I'm glad. I have something to show you,' she says. He looks at her a little puzzled. She pulls one of her hands out from his grip and grabs something from around her neck and pulls it out.

He recognizes the necklace she's wearing right away. She stands in front of him holding her half of the broken heart in her hand to show him.

'You're wearing it,' he says with amazement.

'Yeah, I am. I can't tell you why I'm wearing it, because I'm not too sure myself, but I feel better with it on,' she says.

He smiles weakly at her and puts his hand in his pocket and pulls out his keys. Brenda looks down and sees that attached to his key ring is his half of the heart.

'I carry it around with me. After you gave it back, I wanted to make sure that I remembered that moment forever,' Dylan says. He puts his keys back into his pocket.

She pulls him to her and wraps her arms around his neck and puts her head on his shoulder. He puts his hands around her waist and tightens his grip.

'Dylan, what are we doing?' she says into his shoulder.

'I don't know, but whatever it is, I don't want it to stop,' he says softly and squeezes her body.

She lets go of him and takes a step back. She sits down on the beach and stares out at the water.

He sits next to her and grabs her hand and holds it tight. She leans into him and they both watch the waves crash onto the beach.

After a while of silence, Brenda picks her head up off of Dylan's shoulder. She turns to face him. She stares into his eyes, searching for something. She begins to feel her face getting warmer as she gets lost in his gaze. She puts her hand on the side of his face. He wraps his arm around her and pulls her in to him.

He kisses her gently and slowly at first. She responds right away and deepens the kiss. He begins to turn his hips to get a better angle on her, but she surprises him by pushing him onto the ground.

She continues to kiss him as he lifts her up and wraps himself around her. Brenda holds on to Dylan tightly as they are kissing. She begins to flashback to all of the times that they were together and how she felt at one time that they would be together forever. She begins to tear up a little at how truly happy she was that they had found a way to connect again. She pulls away from him as a tear rolls down her cheek.

He opens his eyes to see her. 'Bren, what's wrong?' he asks.

She lifts herself off of him and sits on the beach. He sits up and puts his arm around her shoulder.

'I don't know. I was just thinking about how far we've actually come to get to this point and how happy I was that we've found a way to get past it and I guess it hit me a little harder than I thought it would,' she explains.

Dylan smiles down at her and kisses the top of her head. He pulls her to him and wraps both arms around her.

Dylan drops Brenda off at her house a little while later. She walks inside and goes directly to her room. She sits on her bed for a few minutes and decides that there is no way she could go back to studying.

_Casa Walsh – the next day_

Donna and Kelly had come over to hang out with Brenda. She tried as hard as she could to tell them that she really had to finish studying, but they ignored her and showed up anyway.

The girls were sitting in the backyard talking.

'So, Bren, how much studying to you really have to do? I mean, you definitely know this stuff already,' Donna asks.

'I know, I know, but this is our senior year and I don't want to screw it up by flunking a test or something,' she says.

'Bren, you're going to be fine,' Kelly says.

Brenda smiles and says, 'Well, there's one other thing too.'

'What?' Donna asks.

'I have to beat Brandon. He doesn't actually study, he crams at the last minute and still aces everything he does. I have to beat him, I can't have him getting higher grades than me,' she says with a smile.

Kelly and Donna begin to laugh at her and she joins them.

'Oh, Bren, you look so much better now than you did a few months ago. I'm glad you're laughing again and are kind of back to your old self,' Donna says.

'Yeah, me too. It's a wonder what talking about the things that you never really wanted to talk about and dealing with them will do for you,' Brenda reflects. 'You guys should try it sometime.'

'I'm so glad that you don't hate anyone anymore. I missed hanging out, just the three of us. What's going on with you and Dylan now? I mean, you're not in therapy anymore, so is it weird?' Donna asks.

Brenda thinks back to last night on the beach with Dylan and a huge smile creeps across her face.

'No, Donna, it's not weird anymore. I'm actually really happy with the way it's turning out. He's honest with me about how he feels and we can actually have a conversation that means something. We are dealing with any issues that come up right at the moment we realize them, and it's great,' she explains.

'You guys are so mature. That is so great. I'm so happy that you are finally happy,' Donna says and gives Brenda a quick hug.

'Me too,' Kelly says with a fake smile as she joins the hug.

Kelly and Donna leave Brenda to study and Kelly drops Donna off at her house. As she is driving back to her own house, she pulls the car off on a side street and parks it at Lookout Point.

Brenda gathers the glasses that they had been drinking out of from the backyard and is about to go into the house. She turns around to see Dylan standing in the driveway looking at her.

'Dylan? What are you doing here?' she asks.

'Do you need some help?' he asks, as he sees her trying to juggle several glasses and a book.

He walks over and grabs two of the glasses out of her hands and walks with her back into the kitchen.

'Bren, I think we need to talk about yesterday. I was feeling a bit unsure of how we left things and I want to be completely clear with what our expectations are,' he says softly.

Brenda looks up at him and tries to wipe the look of shock off of her face. _'I guess I'm not the only one that has benefitted from us going to therapy.'_

'Okay, but we can't do that here,' she says looking through the kitchen door into the living room.

'Okay,' he says.

'Let me get some shoes on and we can go somewhere, okay?' she asks as she heads upstairs.

She finds a pair of shoes and makes her way back downstairs. She gets in the car with Dylan and he drives over to his house.

Brenda and Dylan sit on his couch. She kicks her shoes off and pulls her legs up underneath her.

'Bren, I know that in last few months we've been through more emotionally draining moments than most people, but I really think that it's made us stronger as people and as friends,' he begins. 'I realized something last night when I got home from dropping you off.'

She looks at him attentively as he is talking and tries to figure out whether or not throwing herself back in to a relationship with Dylan is a good idea.

'I realized that I don't ever want to go through losing you again. I don't ever want to feel the pain I felt when I realized what I had done to us and I don't ever want to make you feel that way ever again. I really want us to continue to get stronger and I think that it's possible for us have a relationship that's real and honest,' he says.

Brenda can't help but smile at him. She grabs one of his hands and squeezes it. 'Dylan, I've thought about this for a long time, trying to figure out exactly what I wanted out of this and I've come to the conclusion that I don't want to lose you again either,' she says.

Dylan tries to hold back the emotions that are swelling inside of him and takes a few quick breaths to keep the tears from coming to his eyes. He squeezes her hand back and pulls her into a hug. He wraps his arms around her and holds her tight.

Brenda closes her eyes and leans in to his body. 'There's just one thing, Dylan,' she says as she pulls back.

He looks at her a little scared at what she might say.

'I just want make sure that we take this as slowly as possible. There's no reason for us to rush right into this again and with everything that has happened I think that it's probably the best idea right now,' Brenda says.

Dylan nods his head in agreement with her. He leans in and kisses her softly. He pulls back with a huge smile on his face.

'Okay, now that that's settled,' he says, 'will you help me with the Biology crap?'

Brenda starts to laugh at him and says, 'Absolutely.'

_Lookout Point_

Kelly sits in her car and stares at the city and begins to feel the tension and anger rise inside of her body. _'Damn it. Brenda definitely sounds like she opening the door for Dylan to get back in. She's happy and doesn't hate him anymore. This has got to stop. I need to figure this out. I won't lose her again. She's my best friend and somehow I've got to convince her that Dylan is just going to hurt her again and leave her broken hearted. How the hell am I going to do that?'_

Kelly sits in her car, wringing her hands, trying to come up with a plan to free her friend from Dylan's clutches. She tries to figure out a way to scare Brenda into not being emotionally ready to enter another relationship. An image pops up in her head and a wry smile shows on her face. She starts the car and drives away.


	17. Chapter 17

_Note: Well, it's time to figure out what the hell is wrong with Kelly, sort of. You guys know that I love Brenda and Dylan together, but what's a little angst here and there. Here's where the story takes a bit of a turn._

_Torn to Pieces – Chapter 17 - The Beach - a month after Graduation_

Brenda feels the warmth of the sun on her face as she lounges on the beach. She thinks back to how great she felt getting her diploma and finally being out of high school. She smiles at the feeling and sighs out loud. She hears footsteps in the sand and then shade covers her face. She opens her eyes to look at who is standing in front of her.

'Hey, there,' Dylan says with a smile.

'Hey,' she says as he sits down in front of her.

'Have I told you recently how great it is and how ridiculously happy I am that you decided to stay in California for college?' he asks.

She laughs at him. 'Yes, Dylan, you told me this morning, remember?'

He smiles again. 'Bren, I was just thinking as I was coming over here how much we've been through in the last six months. This could have turned out differently at so many points, but I'm so glad that it didn't,' he says and quickly kisses her.

'Yeah, me too,' she says as she takes his hand. 'So, when do you leave?' she asks.

'Tomorrow morning, but you promised that you would come and visit me for a while right?' he says quickly.

'Of course, who could pass up a week in Hawaii with Iris?' she says.

'I think all of this therapy may have actually done some good for my relationship with her,' he reflects.

'Well, I think it's great that she was willing to call in to your sessions. She really does love you, Dylan.'

'Yeah, I know,' he says.

Dylan looks out at the water crashing on the beach. He begins to think of everything that happened over the last few months and squeezes Brenda's hand.

'So,' Dylan pauses for a few seconds before continuing, 'have you heard from Kelly?' he asks.

'No, not for a few weeks,' Brenda says sadly, as she reflects on what had happened.

Brenda and Dylan had been working on their very tentative relationship after they had finished they're therapy sessions and decided to take it very, very slow. They had not yet restarted the sexual part of their relationship, but it was starting to get harder and harder for them to fight it.

They had started to become more open about connecting to each other in public and all of their friends were completely supportive of them.

They were having dinner at the Peach Pit one night about a few weeks before graduation when Kelly came in and saw them feeding each other, laughing, and kissing.

_Flashback_

_Kelly sees the scene unfolding in front of her and begins to feel the anger rise within her chest. She had seen them struggling to find their way in this new and apparently improved relationship between the two of them, but secretly held out hope that something catastrophic would happen to tear them apart. She had been rebuilding her broken friendship with Brenda in the hope that she could find a way to separate them forever and finally get her best friend back for good._

_It seemed to be working as Brenda had finally begun to talk about Dylan with her and the progress they had been making with each other. She knows that they have not started sleeping with each other yet and seeing them here kissing and being cute with each other was enough to force her to put her plan in motion. She was waiting for the right time to do it, but it seems as though she would have to start quicker than she thought._

_Kelly walks over to the phone in the Peach Pit. She dials a number and tells the person on the other end of the phone that it's time, she's at the Pit, and they are here, and parked in the back._

_Kelly walks up to where they are sitting, kissing each other, and clears her throat loudly to get them to part from each other._

'_Uh, hi Kelly,' Dylan says. Dylan and Brenda exchange looks._

_She smiles quickly and then sits down in the empty chair at their table._

'_Hi, guys, I need some help and you guys seem to be the only ones around. Do you mind?' she says sweetly._

_Brenda looks at Kelly slightly confused, but figures that it must be important. She looks over at Dylan, who shrugs his shoulders at her._

'_Sure, Kel, what's wrong?' she says._

'_Well, I'm a little freaked out and I'm not sure what to do,' she says trying to act distraught._

'_What is it? What's wrong?' Brenda asks and puts her hand on her friend's shoulder to comfort her._

_Brenda's touch calms Kelly for a few seconds, and then she remembered why she was here._

'_Look, I think someone's been following me for the last few weeks. I didn't want to say anything, because I thought I was just being paranoid or something, but I saw a car following me around today. It went everywhere I went and I didn't want to go home, so I came here hoping that someone I knew would be here,' Kelly says as she looks around through the windows._

'_Have you seen anyone or is it just a car?' Dylan asks her._

'_I thought I saw someone, but it was really quick, but the car has definitely been following me. It's probably out there right now,' Kelly says as she looks around the Pit and tries to see through the windows._

'_Well, let's call the police and get them to search the cars in the area,' Brenda says as she starts to get up._

'_No! Brenda that's not a good idea!' Kelly says as she grabs Brenda's arm a little too hard._

'_Ouch, Kelly, that hurts! Why don't you want to call the police?' Brenda says as she pulls her arm away from Kelly._

'_I'm scared. I don't want to. I'm not ready for that yet, besides, I don't even know if it's real or not,' she says quickly._

Present Day

Brenda remembers Kelly coming to talk to her and Dylan at the Peach Pit. What happened after that was something that she never could have anticipated in a million years.

'Dylan, how long do you think she was planning that? I mean, did you see that coming?' Brenda asks him.

'I have no idea how long it took her to come up with that hair-brained scheme. She made no indication to me that she was going to turn into a crazy psycho,' Dylan says.

'Dylan, come on, I don't think she went crazy,' Brenda pauses to think about it, 'well, maybe a little. I guess I was so distracted by her wanting to be friends with me again, I didn't see that she had some ulterior motives,' Brenda says.

'Well, it's over now, at least for a while. Is she coming back anytime soon?'

'I don't know. Her mother was really vague when I talked to her last week,' Brenda says.

Dylan shakes his head as he sees Brandon and Donna making their way over to where they are sitting.

'Hey, guys,' Brandon says.

Donna looks at Brenda and then at Dylan and sees the solemn look in both of them. 'What's going on? You guys don't look so good,' Donna says as she sits down.

'We were just talking about Kelly, wondering when she was coming back,' Brenda says.

Donna takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. 'Yeah, I haven't heard anything. I hope she's alright.' Donna thinks back to the frantic phone call she received from Brandon that night.

_Flashback_

'_Donna? Donna? Is that you?' Brandon says frantically._

'_Brandon? Are you alright? What's going on?' Donna says quickly._

'_Look, you need to come over to my house right away. Something's happened to Kelly. Just get over here quickly,' Brandon says._

Present Day

'God, I was so scared when Brandon called me.'

'Yeah, I was really scared that night. I thought my heart was going to pop out of my chest and run away,' Brenda says.

'Me too,' Dylan says.

Brandon looks at Dylan. 'You guys probably handled that entire situation better than any of us would have,' Brandon says.

'I can't even tell you how much I would have loved to help you do what you did to that guy,' Brandon says to Dylan.

'Yeah, except I should have kept a closer eye on Kelly,' Dylan says sadly.

_Flashback_

'_Kelly, this is stupid. If you really think someone is following you, then we need to call the police,' Brenda says as she walks away from the table._

_Kelly looks around the Pit. There aren't that many people in here tonight and Nat had actually taken the day off to take care of some personal things. Kelly begins to get a little nervous, wondering when it was going to happen._

_Brenda looks around following Kelly's eyes. Kelly grows increasingly more nervous as the seconds tick by and tries as hard as she can to calm herself down._

_Dylan gets up and walks over to where Brenda is standing. 'Bren, maybe we should just let it go. We can take her home and make sure the alarm is set before we leave. Maybe that will calm her down a little bit. Then we can go down to the station and see what we can do for her,' Dylan says._

'_Yeah, maybe you're right,' Brenda says. He takes her hand as they hear a shrilling sound and see smoke coming from underneath the front door to the pit. The smoke alarms begin to shriek as the patrons make their way through the back of the restaurant to the alley._

_Brenda runs over to the table and grabs Kelly's arm, pulls her up, and leads her toward the back door. She doesn't see the small smile creep across Kelly's face or the anticipatory look when they reach the back door to the Pit._

Present Day

'Dylan there wasn't much more we could have done, I mean, she kind of brought it on herself. I just wish she would have talked to me about it or anyone about it for that matter,' Brenda says.

'Yeah, I know. I'm just so glad that your instincts were sharp that night. I could have lost you forever,' Dylan says as he kisses her hand and squeezes it tight.

Brenda looks at Dylan and tears up a little bit. 'Well, I saw the opportunity when he was too busy yelling at Kelly to pay attention to me. It was a split second, but it was just enough time,' she says with tears rolling down her face.

'Do you guys really want to talk about this?' Brandon says seeing the pain in his sister's face.

'Brandon we have to talk about it. The more you talk about it the less scary and traumatic it is. We've been to see the counselor about it, so at least this situation is not haunting me anymore, but we can't just push it down and forget about it,' Brenda says.

Brandon and Donna begin to feel a little uncomfortable. Donna shifts her weight and looks up at Brenda.

'Brenda, I don't know exactly what happened in there, but I have to tell you,' she begins to say with tears in her eyes, 'that I am so glad that you and Dylan are here.'

'Oh, Donna,' Brenda says. She gets up and sits down next to Donna. She pulls her close and holds her friend tight.

Dylan looks over at Brandon, who seems to have the same look on his face. He puts his hand on Brandon's shoulder as Brandon looks over at him.

As they are sitting in silence, they hear from behind them, 'Whoa, what's going on here? Are you guys okay?' Steve asks, as he and Andrea join them on the beach.

The four friends look up to see them standing next to Brandon. They sit down on the beach and wait for someone to tell them what's going on.

'Hey, guys,' Dylan says softly.

Brenda looks up at all of them. 'We were just talking about that night at the Pit and Kelly.'

Steve takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. 'I called her house and her mom wouldn't tell me anything. I mean, me of all people, she wouldn't give me any information on what's going on with Kelly,' he says.

'She won't tell any of us anything and David won't even answer the phone,' Donna says through her tears.

'Well, we were just about to tell Donna and Brandon what actually happened that night, so if you guys don't want to hear it, I would suggest taking off,' Dylan says.

Steve and Andrea make no attempts to get up and leave. Dylan looks at Brenda to try to get some kind of approval that she is ready to relive this horrific moment. She looks back at him and nods her head.

'Well, we were talking to Kelly about calling the police because she thought someone was following her around,' Dylan begins, 'She freaked out a little when we suggested calling the police and in hindsight, I now understand why. Brenda and I were standing at the counter trying to figure out what to do for her, when a cloud of smoke started pouring in through the front door and all of the fire alarms went off.'


	18. Chapter 18

_Torn to Pieces__ – Chapter 18 – Brenda and Dylan finally figure out what's going on_

_Flashback_

_Brenda, Kelly, and Dylan reach the back door to the alley where the patrons were filing out of the building._

_When the reached the outside they see a few people milling around, a bunch of people just get in their cars and take off, and others that started walking around to the front of the building to see where the smoke was coming from._

_Dylan walks to where his car is parked and looks around for a phone to call the fire department. Brenda pulls Kelly by the arm to where Dylan is standing. Kelly stops her when they are halfway there and rips her arm from Brenda's grasp._

_Brenda turns around to see Kelly staring at her._

'_Come on, Kelly, we have to get as far away from the building as we can,' Brenda says._

'_I don't want to go over there. I think I'm going to stay right here,' she says._

'_Kelly, what's the matter with you? The building is on fire!'_

'_Nothing is the matter with me, I am perfectly fine, and I think I'm about to get a whole lot better,' she says. She turns around to look down the alley and Brenda stares at her with a very confused look on her face. She begins to walk over to where Dylan is standing. He moves in the direction that Brenda is coming from to meet her. They both stop dead in their tracks as they hear a loud bang and cocking of rifle._

_Brenda freezes and slowly turns her head in the direction of the gunshot. She sees a man holding a gun toward the sky and the other people who were milling around the Pit duck under cars or run as fast as they can away from the parking lot._

_Kelly doesn't flinch or move from the spot she is standing in and Dylan quickens his pace to where Brenda is frozen in place._

'_So, that's the girl, isn't it?' the man says out loud. Brenda sees Kelly nod her head and he takes a few steps closer to Brenda._

_Brenda immediately recognizes the voice and begins to have a panic attack as he steps closer to her. 'Dylan, that's the guy that robbed the Peach Pit,' she says quickly without moving her mouth too much._

'_I've just spent the last year behind bars because of you and now that I'm a free man, you are going to pay,' he says slowly._

_As soon as Dylan puts his hand on her back she loosens up a little bit._

_Kelly looks at Brenda as Dylan wraps his arms around her to protect her from what's about to happen. She smiles a little and begins to laugh. The man looks over at Kelly and smiles himself._

_Dylan grabs Brenda and starts slowly walking backward with her toward where the car is. The man sees them backing up and starts to laugh. _

'_Bren, there's a payphone over there, we have to find a way to get to it,' he whispers quickly to her. _

'_You're not going to get away that easily,' he says as he brings the gun down and aims it at them._

'_You're not going to hurt them both, right?' Kelly says._

'_Shut up, you've done your job, I'm done with you now,' he says. 'You may as well just take off. You're probably not going to want to see this.'_

_Kelly begins to panic herself. He was not supposed to hurt them, just scare them into a few more years of therapy._

'_Wait, that wasn't what you said when I talked to you earlier,' she protests._

_The man turns slightly in Kelly's direction. Brenda sees an opportunity. She looks at Dylan and he nods at her. She dashes behind one of the cars nearby as Dylan bull rushes the man and knocks him on his feet. The gun flies from his hands and skids across the parking lot._

_Brenda makes her way to the payphone on the corner and dials 911. She looks over to see if Dylan is alright and sees him wailing on the man, while Kelly looks on._

_She tells the operator where she is and what is going on and doesn't wait for the operator to respond._

_She runs back over to where they are and yells Dylan's name._

_Dylan looks up at her. He gets off of the man on the ground, which he has successfully beaten to a pulp. He turns the man over, puts his knee into the man's lower back and tells Brenda to find something to bind his hands. She finds some rope near the stacked crates outside the door and hands it to Dylan._

_Kelly begins to weep as she realizes that this was one of the stupidest plans she has ever had. As Dylan and Brenda are taking care of restraining the man on the ground, she makes her way over to where the rifle had stopped._

_Without thinking, she reaches down to pick it up. She doesn't realize until she hears the gun go off that she had grabbed it by the trigger. She looks up in horror at what she may have just done._

_She sees Brenda and Dylan with horrified looks on their faces. Dylan moves to where Brenda is and catches her as she falls to the ground._

'_Bren? Bren? Brenda!' he screams frantically. He looks at her body and doesn't see any blood. Brenda opens her eyes slowly. 'Dylan?'_

'_Oh, God, Bren, are you in pain, what happened, can you feel your arms and legs?' he says panicking._

_Brenda stops for a moment and looks around. 'I don't feel any pain, I think I'm fine, Dylan,' she says as she begins to sit up. 'I think I just blacked out for a second. Are you okay?' she asks as she looks for any sign that Dylan had been shot._

_He looks down at himself just to make sure and then slowly looks up and over to where Kelly was standing._

'_Oh my God,' he says as Brenda and Dylan get up and run to her. She had fallen onto the ground by the time they realized that they had not been shot. The gun was facing the other way and when Kelly had pulled the trigger she had accidentally shot herself in the leg._

'_Kelly! Kelly?' Brenda yells as she runs over to where Kelly was laying on the ground bleeding._

_They begin to hear sirens as fire trucks, police cars, and two ambulances show up. The police and the paramedics run over to where the man is restrained on the ground. Dylan explains as fast as he can what had just taken place. The paramedics attend to Kelly's wound and get her in the ambulance._

_Brenda stands in the parking lot breathing heavily as the impact of what had just happened hits her. She begins breathing faster and faster._

_Dylan walks over to her and puts his arm around her. 'Bren, please, you're going to hyperventilate,' he says, 'We're okay, we're fine, it's over.'_

_Brenda begins to take slow deep breaths to keep from passing out. The police come over to question them further._

Present Day

'So, after the police showed up, we went down to the station so that they could take our accounts for the record and then we went over to Brenda's house,' Dylan continues.

Brenda looks over at Brandon. 'We told my parents and Brandon what happened and he volunteered to call you, Steve, and Andrea to tell them what happened,' Brenda says to Donna.

'Yeah, I guess that was a pretty stupid idea, huh? I was in no state to be making phone calls,' Brandon says.

'I was so scared when you called and wouldn't tell me over the phone what had happened. I think I almost crashed my car trying to get over to your house,' Donna says.

'Yeah, me too,' Steve agrees.

_Flashback_

_Brenda and Dylan sit on the couch holding each other. Jim paces behind the couch with his hand up to his mouth, trying to stay calm and be happy with the fact that his daughter was still alive. Cindy sits on the chair in the living room with her head in her hands crying._

_Donna, Steve, and Andrea show up at their house and almost run through the front door._

'_What the hell is going on? What happened? Where's Kelly?' Steve says quickly._

'_Kelly is in the hospital. She accidently shot herself in the leg. She's going to be okay, just in a lot of pain for a while,' Jim explains._

'_Shot herself in the leg? How did that happen?' Donna asks._

'_We were at the Peach Pit having dinner and the smoke alarms started going off. We went outside and came face to face with a crazed gunman,' Dylan explains with a little detail as possible. 'We managed to get the gun away from him, but Kelly stupidly picked it up backwards and it went off.'_

'_Oh my God,' Andrea says. 'Can we go and see her?'_

'_I don't think so. I'm sure they're still working on her,' Brenda says sadly as she begins to tear up again._

_Dylan pulls her closer and wraps both of his arms around her to comfort her. She begins to shake and he tries as hard as he can to hold onto her._

Present Day

'I guess with the news of Kelly shooting herself, I didn't even notice how shook up you guys were,' Andrea says.

'Yeah, well, you also didn't know the whole story. We didn't tell you that Kelly was in cahoots with the gunman and that he was the same guy that robbed the Peach Pit,' Dylan explains.

'That definitely changes the story a bit. I still can't believe that she would have actually sought that guy out,' Steve says.

'I know it was the strangest thing. I had no idea that she was so unstable that she would have actually thought that that was a good idea at any point,' Brenda says.

'I wonder what really made her do it,' Brandon says.

'I know what made her do it. I went to visit her in the hospital the next day,' Brenda said.

'You did? Why would you do that?' Brandon says.

'I had to, Brandon. I had to find out what was really going on and what could have possibly possessed her to go far enough to get in contact and formulate a plan with a convicted criminal,' Brenda says.

_Flashback_

_Brenda walks into Kelly's hospital room. She sees Kelly asleep, with her lower leg in a cast, and restraints holding her to the bed. There is a police officer outside of her room and one inside of her room._

_Brenda slowly approaches Kelly's bed and calls her name._

_Kelly opens her eyes and turns her head toward the voice she just heard. She sees Brenda standing at her bedside and immediately begins to cry._

'_Kelly, it's okay,' Brenda says as she reaches for a tissue and hands it to Kelly._

'_Oh, my God, Brenda, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you or Dylan. I am so stupid. I have no idea what's wrong with me,' she sobs._

_Brenda lets her friend cry a little bit. She puts her hand on Kelly's arm and tries to comfort her._

'_Kelly, what on Earth would possess you to seek that guy out?' Brenda asks her._

'_Oh, Brenda,' Kelly says between sobs, 'I was so determined not to lose you again to Dylan that I figured I had to do something. I saw the two of you together and slowly getting back to the way you used to be with each other and I just cracked. I felt so guilty about hooking up with Dylan behind your back and losing you as my best friend. I guess I really just didn't want to go through that ever again. I missed you so much. I just wanted to scare you, I never intended for you to get hurt,' she says._

'_Kelly, I'm not hurt, but you sure are,' Brenda says._

'_Yeah, broke my shin bone in four places,' she says as she begins to cry again._

'_Kel, why didn't you just talk to me about it? We could have worked this out. I was so scared for you,' she says._

'_I don't know. It all happened so fast. It was like I was on autopilot and watching myself from outside of my body. It just seemed like the right thing to do at the time. I still can't believe that I could have done something like this,' she says._

'_Kelly, we're not going to press charges against you, but there is something you have to do for me,' Brenda says slowly. She grabs Kelly's hand and squeezes it tight._

'_You have to agree to go and get some help. You are not a bad person. This wasn't you and I think you just had some bad thoughts that led to a momentary lapse in judgment. You are going to need to do this or they are never going to let you out of here,' she says._

'_Yeah, I guess I do need some help, huh?' Kelly says._

'_Kel, I love you, okay? You are going to get through this and when you do, I'm going to be right here waiting for you,' Brenda says._

_Kelly nods at her friend. She closes her eyes and lets the tears flow. Brenda sits down next to her bed, holds on to her hand, and lets her cry._


	19. Chapter 19

_Torn to Pieces__ – Chapter 19 – The gang continues to talk about Kelly_

Present Day

'After I talked with her in the hospital, I went down to meet with her mother and Kelly's lawyer with Dylan,' Brenda says.

'Yeah, we told them what actually happened and asked her lawyer about trying to see if they would give her mandatory counseling instead of sending her to jail or something,' Dylan says.

'Well, it worked. I'm glad they sent her somewhere farther away from here. If she had the influence of people she knows around, she might not have stayed,' Donna says.

'She's already past the mandatory amount of time she had to stay there, so when I called her Mom last week to see what was going on and if she was coming home, Jackie wasn't exactly forthcoming with the information. I have a feeling that either Jackie won't let her come home, or Kelly really wanted to stay,' Brenda says.

'Well, when she gets back, I'm sure she'll be a whole new woman,' Donna says, 'I was so sad that Kelly hurt herself, but I was so happy that you guys were not hurt or worse. That guy could have killed all three of you.'

Brenda smiles and then looks at Dylan. 'Well, we're here and we're not going anywhere anytime soon,' Brenda says.

The friends all look at each other with a new sense of appreciation. They all look up when they see David walking over to where they all are sitting.

'David!' Donna says. She gets up and walks over to where he is standing.

'Hi guys,' David says tentatively.

'David, are you alright? You haven't been answering my calls,' Donna says.

'Well, it's been a little difficult over at the house and I just couldn't,' he replies.

'David, please sit down with us,' Brenda says.

He nods at her and sits down.

'I just want to say that I am so sorry, you guys. Jackie has not been the most accommodating person lately and I think she's just as dumbfounded about all of this as you guys are,' he says to Brenda and Dylan specifically.

'That's understandable, man, we're just worried about Kelly. We're really concerned and just wanted to know that she's okay,' Dylan says.

'She's okay. She's elected to stay at the facility for a little while longer. I think she's really making some good progress and wants to see this thing through to the end,' David says.

'Was she able to get her degree?' Andrea asks.

'Actually, she was. They let her take the GED and she passed with flying colors, so she has officially graduated from high school,' David explains.

'Oh, good, that's a relief that she didn't miss out on that,' Andrea says.

'David, how are you holding up? This must be really difficult for you living there and everything,' Brenda says.

'Well, it hasn't been easy. I've just been trying to stay out of Jackie's way. I watch Erin when I can to give her a break and just try to lay low. She doesn't really talk to me too much, just little meaningless conversations here and there,' David tells them.

'I'm so sorry, David. That has got to be a little rough, if you want a break, you can always come and spend a few nights with us,' Brandon offers.

David smiles at him and says, 'Thanks, Brandon. I think I'm okay for now. I don't want her to think she's lost another child or anything by taking off for a while.'

'Yeah, I guess that wouldn't look too good,' Donna says.

'We're worried about you too, David. Please let us know if there's anything we can do for you, okay?' Andrea says.

David nods his head at her. He brings his hands together and sighs loudly.

'As hard as this was on me, I can't imagine how hard it's been for you guys,' David says to Dylan and Brenda.

'We're getting by, David, don't worry about us. It's just been really hard trying to figure out why she would even think of getting in contact with the guy that robbed the Peach Pit. I think that's really been the hardest part, well, besides trying to get over the fact that we almost died,' Dylan says with a smile, trying to make light of the situation.

'Yeah, I wish I could tell you something, but I haven't spoken with her since she went into the facility. She asked us not to call her and to make sure that no one knew where she was so that no one else could call her. I was kind of wondering the same thing and just wish I could have had the chance to talk to her about it,' David says.

'Can I ask a really blunt question?' Donna asks as she looks at all of her friends sitting around her.

'What's on your mind, Donna?' Steve asks her.

'Is anyone else having any kind of issues or thoughts about any other person in this group right now? I mean, I don't think Kelly would have told us what was going on even if we asked her, but I'm scared, and I don't want to lose any of you,' Donna says as a tear rolls down her cheek.

'I love all of you so much and I think at this point we all need to stick together and make sure that we're not hiding our real feelings from each other. I don't think I could go through this kind of thing again,' she says.

David puts his arm around Donna and tries to comfort her a little bit.

Andrea looks around the group of people surrounding her. 'I can honestly say that I don't have a problem with any of you. You are all special in your own ways and as many problems as this group has been through, I think I've managed to voice my opinions and not hold anything in,' she says confidently.

'I second that,' Steve says, 'I know I'm conniving and definitely look for the easy way out of pretty much any situation, but I can't hide much from you guys. You know me too well,' he says and looks over at Brandon.

'Well, I don't know about you, Dylan, but I am definitely done hiding things,' Brenda says.

'You got that right,' he replies.

'See, Donna, nothing to worry about,' David says to her.

'I'm so glad that we're all going to be together this summer, but I really do miss Kelly. I know that she needs to get better and that she's probably doing the best thing for herself right now. I just hope that she doesn't think that we abandoned her,' Donna says.

'David, maybe Jackie will give Kelly a message from us or something. Donna is right. I don't want Kelly to think that we're not missing her or that we don't love her and want her to get better and come back to us,' Andrea says.

'I'll see what I can do, but no promises, okay, guys?' David says.

They all nod their heads. 'Well, I'm going to get going. Donna, do you want to walk back up to the clubhouse with me?' David asks her.

She nods her head and gets up to join him.

'Looks like it's about that time, I have to get to work. See you guys later,' Brandon says.

'I'll walk up with you,' Andrea says.

'Me too, see you guys,' Steve says to Brenda and Dylan.

'Bye,' Brenda says.

Dylan looks over at Brenda and gets up to sit next to her. He wraps his arms around her and she leans back into his chest. He puts his chin on the top of her head and sighs.

'Maybe I shouldn't go down to Hawaii just yet. It just doesn't feel right to leave you and them right now,' Dylan says.

Brenda weaves her fingers with Dylan's and says, 'Dylan, you need to go and see your Mom. It's important for you to get out of here and deal with that for a while. I'll be okay, and so will they,' she assures him.

'It's only a week before you come and join me, right, how bad could it be?' he says and smiles.

Brenda laughs a little at him. 'It'll be okay. We're going to get through this and so is Kelly,' she says sadly.

Dylan tightens his grip around her body. 'I can't even begin to describe how relieved and kind of selfish I feel to be holding you in my arms right now. I swear, I think that guy is my worst nightmare. I just get this knot in the pit of my stomach knowing that he could have taken you from me twice in the span of one year,' Dylan admits.

Brenda turns her head up to him. She caresses the side of his face with her hand and lets a tear roll down her cheek.

'Well, he didn't and he's never going to have a chance to do it ever again,' she says. She leans up and kisses him.

_Casa Walsh – two weeks later_

Brenda comes through the door with several bags in her hand and drops them in the foyer.

'Brenda?' she hears her mother calling her from the kitchen.

'It's me, I'm home,' she says.

Cindy comes out of the kitchen and embraces her daughter. 'Wow, you look great. You look so refreshed and actually have a smile on your face. I'd say you had a good time with Iris,' she says.

'Iris was great. Dylan's right though, her tree house is really freaky,' Brenda says as she makes her way over to the living room couch to sit down.

Cindy joins her and Jim comes down the stairs and walks into the living room.

'Hey sweetie, how was your trip?' he asks and kisses her on her forehead.

'It was great, Dad. One day while Dylan was out surfing, Iris brought over a friend of hers to read some tarot cards. She convinced me to let her read my cards,' Brenda says with a smile.

'You let her do a reading for you? You don't really believe in that stuff, honey,' Cindy says.

'I know, but I figured, it can't hurt, right?' Brenda says. 'So, she starts the reading and by the end of it Iris was in tears and I was completely dumbfounded. She told me that I had been betrayed by a good friend and was still feeling uneasy about the entire situation, but she also said that I would find the strength to carry myself and others through it,' Brenda reveals to her parents.

'Interesting, I really hope that happens, honey. I know that you have the strength to get through this, you just have to find it,' Cindy says.

'Yeah, now where could it be hiding?' Brenda says as she looks around the room and under the pillows of the couch with a smirk on her face.

'Very funny, sweetheart,' Jim says. 'I'm glad you're back. We are barbecuing tonight, so if you want to invite some of these 'others' over, you are more than welcome.'

'Thanks, Dad, I just might,' Brenda says. 'Where Brandon?' she asks her mother.

'He's working at the beach club. He should be back in a few hours,' Cindy says as she gets up and goes back into the kitchen to get ready for the barbecue.

Brenda brings her bags upstairs and starts to unpack. She puts everything away and then calls Dylan.

'Hey,' she says when he answers the phone, 'sick of me yet?'

'Never,' he replies.

She laughs at him and says, 'Brandon's working down at the beach club, but my parents are barbecuing tonight and want me to invite people over. Do you feel up to it?'

'Absolutely, I'm starving,' he says.

'Okay, well, I was thinking of going down to see Brandon for a little while. I'm thinking that Steve and Andrea will definitely be there and I guess I'll give Donna and David a call,' she says.

'Sounds like a plan, Bren. Do you want me to come with you?' he asks.

'Only if you're not too tired,' she says.

'I am never too tired for you, babe. I'm on my way,' he says.

Brenda dials Kelly's number, secretly hoping that Jackie would not answer the phone. When she does, Brenda freezes for a minute before speaking.

'Um, hi Jackie, I was wondering if David was there?' she asks quickly.

'Hold on, I'll get him,' she says with no inflection.

'Bren, you're back? I thought you'd be in Hawaii for a little bit longer,' David says as he gets on the phone.

'Hi David, actually I just got back like an hour ago. My parents are barbecuing tonight and told me to invite everyone, so you're more than welcome to come over later and hang out with us,' she says.

'Oh, yeah, that sounds great. I'll tell Donna, okay?' he says.

'Great, see you later, okay?' Brenda says.

'Okay, bye,' he says as he hangs up the phone.

'David, what did she want?' Jackie yells down the hallway.

'She was just inviting me over for a barbecue at the Walsh house. Don't worry,' he says.

'Did she even ask about Kelly?' Jackie says with a little bit of an attitude.

'Jackie, they all ask about Kelly. They ask about her all the time, but I've got nothing to tell them. It isn't right to keep them from her. If she wants to talk to them, you should let her, even if it's just through letters,' David pleads with her.

'David, I just don't think it's a good idea. I know what's best for Kelly and I don't want anything getting in the way of her beating this thing,' Jackie says indignantly.

'I know, I want nothing more than for her to get through this as well, but please, if she asks, tell her that they ask about her all the time and that they love her and miss her terribly. They don't want her to think that they have abandoned her just because she's not here, and I don't want her to think that either. Please, just consider it,' David pleads some more.

Jackie sighs loudly. 'Okay, I'll think about it,' she says and walks down the hallway away from him.

_Casa Walsh_

The gang meets up at the Walsh house for the barbecue.

'So, Bren, how was Hawaii? I hear it's just beautiful,' Andrea says.

'It was gorgeous down there. Absolutely one of the most beautiful places I have ever seen. The flowers are huge and so exotic looking,' Brenda says.

'That sounds great. I went there once when I was a kid with my parents, but I don't really remember it,' Donna says.

'So, we've got one more summer left before we start college. I can't believe it,' Andrea says.

'I am psyched. Beautiful girls, fraternity parties, and you guys, who could ask for anything more,' Steve says.

'In that order I'm sure,' Brandon says and high-fives Steve.

The gang continues to talk about college and how they were going to spend their summer together.

'I really hope Kelly is back by then. I don't want to start college without her,' Donna says.

'I'm sure she'll be back by then Donna, we have three months until school starts. It'll be fine, you'll see,' Steve says to her.

'Yeah,' David says half-heartedly. He was secretly hoping as much as his friends were that Kelly would be cured by then, but something in the bottom of his stomach was telling him differently. His nervousness and uneasiness about the whole situation was beginning to physically affect him. _'Maybe it's time to call my therapist.'_

The gang leaves and Dylan helps Brandon and Brenda clean up the backyard. He sits back and stares at her as she moves around the table to pick up glasses and plates. He thinks of how beautiful she looked on the beach in Hawaii.

_Flashback_

_Iris had asked Dylan to run to the market for some fresh fruit and when he returned he noticed that Brenda wasn't in the house._

'_She went for a walk down to the beach, honey,' Iris says with a wink. She takes the fruit and goes into the kitchen. _

_Dylan walks out of the back door of his mother's house and looks down the beach to find her. He thinks he sees something that matches her frame down the beach and goes to see if it is her._

_As he gets closer, he sees that she has spread a blanket on the sand and is leaning back on her elbows, staring at the water. She is wearing cutoff shorts and a bikini top and just seeing her lounging like that, with the sun about to set, makes him swell with emotion._

_He stands on the beach staring at her and after a few minutes she finally turns her head in his direction. She flashes a huge smile at him and he begins to walk the rest of the way over to where she is laying._

'_I was hoping you'd find me,' she says seductively._


	20. Chapter 20

_Torn to Pieces__ – Chapter 20 – Brenda and Dylan remember Hawaii and the gang learns something about Kelly _

Brenda walks around the table in her backyard and throws a few plates into the trash bag that Brandon is holding open for her. Brandon closes the bag and goes to throw it in the trash can. She glances over at Dylan and sees him staring intently at her. She cocks her head to the side and tries to catch his eye, but he seemed to be entranced in thought and does not see her trying to get his attention.

She walks over to where he is sitting and touches him on the shoulder. He jumps a little at her touch.

'Dylan, are you alright?' she asks him.

Dylan looks up at her and puts his arm around her waist. He pulls her closer to him and smiles.

'I was just thinking about you on the beach in Hawaii,' he says.

'Oh, well, no wonder you're distracted,' she says. She leans down and he kisses her.

Brenda lets her mind drift back to the beach as they are kissing.

_Flashback_

_Dylan sits down on the blanket next to her. She brings one hand up and caresses his cheek. He looks at her body up and down and inhales sharply. She brings his face up to her own and kisses him softly and gently. The sun begins to set as Dylan lays her down on the blanket and begins to kiss her skin down the length of her body. She shivers at his touch and begins to breathe heavily._

'_Dylan,' she says as he brings his head up to meet hers. She puts her hand on the back of his head and pulls him close._

_They kiss passionately and wrap themselves around each other. Brenda pulls off Dylan's shirt and he helps her out of her shorts to reveal matching bikini bottoms. She throws one of her legs up over his hip and pulls him as close as she can._

_He presses their bodies together as they kiss each other as he feels one of Brenda's hands on his ass urging him._

'_Here?' he pulls back slightly and looks at her for confirmation. She looks at him, licks her lips, and squeezes his ass._

_He widens his eyes and then he quickly drops down to capture her lips. She moans into his mouth and begins to take off the rest of his clothing._

Present Day

Brenda pulls back from Dylan and realizes that they had both begun to take each other's clothes off in the middle of her backyard.

Brenda smiles nervously at Dylan and then looks around the yard to see if they were being watched.

'Bren, were you thinking of Hawaii too?' he asks, breathless, as he buttons his shirt back up.

Brenda tucks her shirt back in and then looks at Dylan and nods emphatically.

'We can't stay here, Dylan, not like this,' she says. Dylan nods his agreement and starts thinking of what excuse they could give to her parents.

Brenda stands in front of Dylan trying to think of a good excuse to leave, but comes up short.

'We just got back, I don't think they're going to,' Brenda starts to say as the back door opens and Cindy pops her head out.

'Brenda? We're going to the beach club to have drinks with one of your Dad's clients, we'll be back later, okay?' Cindy says.

Brenda nods to her mother as the door closes. Dylan looks over as Jim's car pulls out of the driveway.

Brenda and Dylan exchange incredulous looks.

'Well, that was easy,' Dylan says as he puts his arms back around her waist.

Brenda laughs at his comment, wraps her arms around his neck and kisses him.

'We still can't stay here, Dylan. Brandon is still here,' she says.

'Well, let's get going then, because I'm dying here,' he says and gets up. He grabs her hand and pulls her toward where his car is parked.

'Wait, let me at least tell Brandon that we're leaving,' she says and pulls her hand from his grip. She runs into the house and yells Brandon's name up the stairs.

'Yeah?'' she hears back.

'Dylan and I are going out,' she says.

Brandon comes walking down the stairs with keys in his hand.

'So am I, I have to drop some things off at the beach club and then Steve wants me and Andrea to help him draft a carefully worded letter to Jackie,' Brandon explains. He shrugs at her.

'Does he really think that's going to help? I mean, it's worth a try, I guess,' Brenda says.

'Well, you know Steve, he's got his heart set on doing this, so I might as well help him and make sure that he doesn't sound like a total goof,' Brandon says as he walks out the front door.

Brenda smiles as she looks around at her now empty and going to stay empty for a while house.

She makes her way back to the yard where Dylan is waiting for her.

'Dylan, come in here for a second, would you?' she says sweetly.

Dylan furrows his brow, but makes his way into the house.

She immediately puts her arms around his neck and starts kissing him when he enters the house.

'Whoa, whoa, Bren, what are you doing?' he asks her.

'Brandon just left to go hang out with Steve,' she says and raises her eyebrows at him.

Dylan stares down at her for a second, looks around the house, and then back down at her with a smile on his face.

'Oh, I see,' he says.

She starts walking backward into the foyer and steps up onto the first step leading upstairs.

'Are you sure about this?' he asks. Brenda nods her head and starts slowly walking backward up the stairs.

Dylan shakes his head slowly, lets out a deep breath, and then takes the steps two at a time to catch her. He grabs her halfway up the staircase and begins to kiss her. She starts laughing and he scoops her up and carries her the rest of the way up the stairs.

He brings her into her bedroom and kicks the door shut with his foot. He lays her gently on her bed as she begins to unbutton his shirt. He starts to take her shirt off as she throws his across the room.

Brenda smiles up at him. He begins to kiss her as they undress each other.

_The Beach Club – a few days later_

Brenda walks up to where Donna and David are sitting at one of the tables. She sees Donna rubbing David's back and David slumped in the chair with his head in his hands.

'What's going on?' Brenda asks with concern.

David lifts his head up to look at her. 'I had a conversation with Jackie this morning,' David begins.

Brenda slowly sits down next to him.

'She talked with Kelly yesterday and the good news is that she told her that we were all asking about her. She told Kelly that we missed her and were eagerly anticipating her arrival back in Beverly Hills,' David says.

'Well, I guess that's one less thing we have to worry about, you know? It would really be horrible if Kelly thought that we didn't' care,' Brenda says.

'Yeah, well, when I talked to Jackie this morning she told me that even though Kelly had finished her required stay, that she wanted to finish out the set of sessions that she had started and then,' David pauses. He begins to tear up and drops his head down.

'Oh, David, what is it?' Brenda asks him.

'She's decided not to come back after she's done there next month. She wants to continue with out patient therapy and doesn't want to be commuting, so she's going to stay where she is and not come back and go to college with the rest of us,' David says as he begins to cry again.

Brenda stares at him with her mouth open. She looks over at Donna and sees the tears in her eyes.

'She's not coming back, Bren,' Donna says.

'Well,' Brenda stammers a little, not really sure of what to say to calm her friends down, 'I'm sure she just can't even think of being away from her therapy at the moment. She can always change her mind later, if she wants to,' Brenda says.

Donna nods and David looks up at her.

'Bren, what if she doesn't want to come back, like ever?' David asks.

'Come on, David, Kelly can't stay away from here for too long. I mean, her family is here, we are here, Rodeo Drive is here,' Brenda says trying to lighten up the mood a little bit. Donna tries to stifle a laugh, but begins to giggle out loud.

David manages to get out a small smile. Brenda smiles back at him.

'It'll be alright. She won't stay away forever, and besides, once she's out of the institution and on her own, maybe she'll ask us to come and visit her,' Brenda says.

'Yeah, maybe you're right,' David says. 'Thanks, Bren.'

Brenda nods her head at him. 'I'm going to go find Brandon, I'll be back in a little while, okay?' she says.

'Okay, we'll probably still be here,' Donna says.

Brenda walks up to the bar area and looks around for Brandon. As she walks up to ask the bartender where he is, she sees him come out of the clubhouse.

'Brandon!' she says.

'Hey Bren, what's going on?' he asks her.

Brenda looks back to where Donna and David are sitting. Brandon follows her gaze to them and then looks back at her.

'David just told me that Kelly has decided not to come back after she's done with her sessions. She's going to stay wherever she is and continue with out patient therapy for a while,' she tells him.

'Really? Do you think Jackie had something to do with that?' Brandon asks.

Brenda shakes her head. 'No, I honestly don't think Jackie had anything to do with it. Either Kelly really believes that her therapy is the only thing keeping her sane right now, or she's trying to save face somehow by not coming back right away,' Brenda explains.

Brandon looks back over to David and Donna. 'I take it young Silver isn't handling this very well, huh?'

'No, definitely not,' she says.

'I'll take care of him,' Brandon says. He walks over to where Henry is talking to some of the patrons. He has a brief conversation with him and then walks back over to where he left Brenda standing.

'Well, if David wants to get out some of his frustration, he is more than welcome to set up and play some tunes during dinner hour tonight,' Brandon says.

'Maybe that will help. You should probably wait a little bit before telling him though. I think he's a little too close to the edge right now,' Brenda says.

She walks over to the payphone and dials Dylan's number. He doesn't answer and she hangs up when she hears his machine pick up.

'Calling me, I presume?' he says and walks up behind her.

She turns around to face him and puts her arms around his neck and squeezes him.

'Whoa, Bren, what's going on?' Dylan says.

'Just hold onto me,' she says into his shoulder.

Dylan wraps his arms around her and holds on tight. 'Bren, what's wrong?'

She lets go of him, grabs his hand, and leads him down the beach to the water's edge. She stands and stares out at the water.

'Dylan, David just told me that Jackie talked to Kelly yesterday. She's decided not to come back after she's done with her therapy.'

'Wait, what do you mean?' Dylan asks, a little confused.

'She's going to stay wherever she is and go through some out patient stuff. She won't be back to go to college with the rest of us,' Brenda says sadly.

Dylan puts his arm around Brenda's shoulders and pulls her into his body. 'It's going to be alright, Bren,' he says, trying to comfort her.

'Yeah, sure it is,' she says.

'We should go and check on David. He was not doing well when I saw him earlier,' Brenda says.

They walk back up the beach holding each other's hands. Brenda notices that Steve has joined David and Donna at their table. David is talking and Steve is now staring at him with his mouth wide open.

'He must be telling Steve right now,' Brenda says and quickens her pace.

'WHAT?' Steve says loudly.

'Steve, calm down, man,' Dylan says firmly.

'Calm down? Calm down? Are you kidding me? How the hell am I supposed to calm down?' Steve begins to yell loudly. He starts pacing quickly back and forth in front of the table.

Dylan backs Brenda away from where Steve is pacing and gets between her and Steve.

'Man, this was Kelly's decision. You have to have some respect for her and what she wants. It's not about you,' Dylan says.

Steve continues to pace and begins to growl under his breath, trying to hold in as much emotion as he possibly can.

The four friends watch as Steve tires himself out pacing and growling. After about 10 minutes, he finally stops and sits down at the table. He leans his head on his arms and begins to cry softly.

Brenda and Dylan exchange looks with each other.

'This is going to be the worst summer ever,' Steve muffles.

'We just have to make the best of it. We have each other and we'll make it through together, okay?' Brenda says.

Donna nods at her as Brenda puts her hand on Donna's shoulder. Dylan walks over to where Brandon is standing.

'Look man, keep your eye on Steve okay? I think he's really cracked and may do something even stupider than he would do normally,' Dylan says.

'Yeah, I will,' Brandon says. He walks over to the table. 'Look, I'm not sure if you're up for it, but it may help ease some of the tension,' Brandon says to David, 'but Henry is having a little dinner party for some of the guests and was wondering if you'd like to play it.'

David looks up at Brandon and thinks about what he just said.

'David, you always feel better after you've played your music, maybe it's a good thing,' Donna suggests.

He looks at her and then back up at Brandon.

'David, you should do it. Maybe it'll make me feel better,' Steve says to him.

'Okay, Brandon, I'll play it, but don't blame me if it sucks, okay?' David says.

'Donna, can you take me back to the house to get my stuff?' David asks her. She nods and gets up from the table.

'Steve, you're with me buddy, I need some help,' Brandon says and helps Steve up out of the chair.

'See you guys later,' Brandon says to Brenda and Dylan.

Brenda nods and follows Dylan as he leads her back to his car.

'Where are we going?' she asks him.

'Anywhere but here,' he says and gets in the car.


	21. Chapter 21

_Torn to Pieces__ – Chapter 21 – Jackie finally talks about Kelly and Brenda and Dylan get some good advice_

_Casa Walsh – a few weeks later_

'Okay, Donna, how does this look?' Brenda says as she holds up a piece of poster board.

'Oh, Bren, that looks great. Kelly is going to love it!' Donna says.

Brenda smiles and lays the poster down to put a few finishing touches on it. Jackie had told David that she was going to visit Kelly at the end of the week and to tell the group that she would take a few things with her.

Brenda and Donna had spent the last week putting together photos, scrap book pages, and writing letters for Kelly.

'Okay, I'm going to fold this up now. What else do we have to pack up?' Brenda asks as she rolls the poster.

'Okay, we have the page of Kelly's favorite quotes, pictures from graduation, a mixed tape with all of her favorite songs on it, and the book of letters that we've all written to her. Do you think that's enough?' Donna asks.

Brenda laughs out loud. 'Yeah, Don, I think that's enough.'

'Well, we better get going and drop this stuff off,' Donna says.

Brenda and Donna make their way down the stairs and are about to leave.

'Hey guys, where are you going?' Brandon asks.

'We're going over to Kelly's to drop this stuff off for Jackie to take with her. Did you have anything else you wanted to send?' Brenda asks.

'Nope, I think you got it all. Do you need me to go with you?' Brandon asks. He shows his concern plainly on his face.

'Brandon, Jackie can't hurt us. We'll be fine. We'll meet you guys at the Pit in an hour, okay?' Brenda says as they walk out of the door.

Donna drives over to Kelly's house. David is waiting outside on the front steps for them.

'Hi guys,' David says.

'Hey David, I think we got everything. Is Jackie still going to bring this stuff to Kelly, or did we just waste a whole lot of time?' Brenda asks.

'No, no, she said that she was going to and she hasn't said otherwise, so I still think she will.'

'Okay, good, because Kelly is going to love this stuff!' Donna says with excitement.

'David,' Brenda walks up and sits next to him, 'are you alright?'

'Not really, Bren. Jackie just told me that she's selling the house and that we have to move out of here in two weeks. I'm not really sure where I'm going to go,' David says sadly.

'Why is she selling the house?' Donna asks.

'I'm not sure, but I think she wants to move to a place that's a little smaller or something like that,' David says.

'Can you live with your Dad until school starts?' Brenda asks.

'Yeah, probably,' David says.

'I know it might not be the best thing in the world, but at least you'll have a place to sleep, right?' Donna asks.

'Yeah, I guess. Well, let's get this stuff inside and then get out of here, okay?' David says and gets up.

'Okay,' Brenda says as she exchanges a worried look with Donna.

They enter Kelly's house and walk into the kitchen. Jackie is sitting at the table feeding Erin and turns to look when they enter the room.

'Hello girls,' she says.

'Hi Jackie, we brought some things over for you to bring to Kelly when you see her. Thank you so much for agreeing to take them with you,' Brenda says sweetly.

Jackie lets out a deep breath. 'It's no problem, Brenda.' She pauses for a few seconds while looking at Brenda.

'Brenda, I just want to say that I'm sorry for my daughter's behavior. I never got to apologize to you or to Dylan. I'm very glad that you two were not hurt,' Jackie says.

'You don't have to apologize to me. I just wish that we could have seen this coming and stopped it before it got out of control,' Brenda says.

Jackie nods her head. 'I also want to say that I'm sorry for being distant and secretive. Kelly specifically asks me not to tell any of you where she was and I think I just took it too far by not telling you anything at all. I just wanted to let you guys know that Kelly is doing very well in therapy and that I think she may be starting to resemble the daughter I knew and the friend that you knew. She just needs some time away and I'm going to let her stay where she is for as long as she wants to,' Jackie explains.

'We understand. We just don't want her to think that we've forgotten about her or that we've moved on or anything. We think and talk about her every day. Please make sure that she knows that,' Donna speaks up.

'I will, Donna, I promise,' Jackie says.

'We're going to pick up Andrea and then head down to the Pit for a while, okay?' David says to Jackie.

'Okay, David, be careful.'

They walk back out to Donna's car and get in. She pulls away from Kelly's house and start driving toward Andrea's grandmother's house.

'Well, one good thing has come out of this, I guess,' Brenda says.

'What's that?' David asks.

'Jackie actually admitted to being a bitch about this whole thing. Let's hope that she keeps up with her end of the bargain.'

'Yeah,' Donna says sadly.

_The Peach Pit_

Brenda, Donna, David, and Andrea walk in to the Pit and over to an empty table.

'Okay, we need to shake this sullen mood right now. David, go put something upbeat and fun on the jukebox,' Andrea says.

David gets up and walks over to the jukebox.

'So, how'd it go?' Brandon asks as he walks up to the table.

'Not as bad as we thought it would. Jackie actually apologized and said that she would let Kelly know how much we think about her and miss her,' Donna says.

'Wow, that's great,' he says as they hear Chubby Checker belting out of the jukebox.

Dylan and Steve walk through the door and over to the table where they are all sitting.

Dylan immediately goes to sit next to Brenda and grabs her hand, pulls it to his lips and kisses it.

'You okay?' he whispers to her as Steve is keeping the attention of the rest of the group.

Brenda nods and produces a weak smile for him.

_Langley Porter Psychiatric Hospital, San Francisco_

Jackie walks into the hospital and checks in. She gets in the elevator and rides it up to the sixth floor. She signs herself in at the desk and waits at one of the tables for the nurses to bring Kelly out of her room.

'Hi Mom,' she hears Kelly say. Jackie gets up and gives her daughter a hug.

'Hi sweetie, how are you today?' Jackie asks her.

'Fine, group was really good this morning and I have an appointment with Dr. Stuart later this afternoon,' Kelly says.

Jackie looks at her daughter. She smiles at her and caress the side of her face with her hand.

'Well, I have got to say that you look great, honey, even without makeup on,' Jackie says.

'Thanks, Mom,' Kelly says with a smile.

'Your friends bombarded me with things for you,' Jackie says and pulls out the bag of stuff from Brenda and Donna.

Kelly begins to pull things out of the bag and smiles. She opens the poster to see that it's covered in magazine cutouts of hot half-naked men and articles on the latest beauty tips.

She pulls out the pictures from graduation and looks through them with tears in her eyes.

'I wish I could have been there for graduation. I'm so mad at myself for missing it,' she says. She continues to flip through the pictures until she gets to the last one.

All of her friends were in the picture standing in front of the school holding a huge sign that read 'We love you and miss you, Kelly!'

'They really do ask about you every day, Kel,' Jackie says to her.

'Yeah, I'm sure they do,' Kelly says sincerely.

'So, what's the plan for you? Have you decided what you want to do?' Jackie asks her.

'Mom, I'm not ready to go back there. I'm going to talk to Dr. Stuart today, but from what she told me last time, they'd be willing to put me in the outpatient program,' Kelly says.

'That means you have to stay here in San Francisco, Kelly,' Jackie reminds her.

'I know, Mom. I think this is really helping me though. I have never felt better about myself than I do right now and I don't want to stop going to therapy until I figure the rest of this stuff out,' Kelly explains.

'Well, let's talk about how we're going to do that then,' Jackie says.

_The Community Center_

Dylan and Brenda walk into the Community Center for a session with Mike. They had decided together that with everything that they had learned about Kelly recently that maybe they needed to talk about it some more.

'Welcome back,' Mike says as Dylan and Brenda sit on the couch.

'Well, I have to say that you two look great, very healthy. How's this relationship progressing this time? Any issues thus far?' Mike asks them.

Dylan looks over at Brenda, takes her hand, and says, 'It's great. No issues. I've never felt better about us as I do right now.'

'Wow, that's quite a statement, Dylan,' Mike says.

'He's right. We're doing really well, talking to each other about what's going on, and not letting anything go by,' Brenda adds.

'Good, well, what would you guys like to talk about today?' Mike asks them.

'Kelly,' Brenda says. Mike nods and writes a few things down on his pad as she is talking.

'Jackie, Kelly's Mom, finally gave in and let us give her some things to take over to where Kelly is. Donna and I made a poster, put some pictures together and a few letters that everyone had written,' Brenda says.

'Kelly was only supposed to stay at the facility for 6 weeks, but she elected to stay for longer and is going to miss out on going to college with the rest of us,' she continues.

'Everyone's just kind of really depressed about the whole situation and it's bringing us down. We don't have all of the information and I think that is what's making everyone crazy,' Dylan adds.

'With everything that happened with you guys and Kelly, it's definitely understandable that she would want to stay in therapy for as long as possible. When a normally sane person realizes that they have done something so completely irrational, it rocks the entire core of who they are. It's not something that you can deal with easily or quickly,' Mike explains.

'I definitely understand the need for Kelly to want to see this thing through to the end, I think what I'm most afraid of is that depending on what Jackie actually tells her, that she'll think we don't love her anymore or miss her terribly,' Brenda says with tears in her eyes.

'I can't imagine how alone she must feel right now and without knowing if she actually knows that we're here to support her through this, is just nerve-racking and a little frustrating,' Brenda continues.

'I'm just going to go out on a limb here, but if Jackie was willing to finally bring good tidings from you guys to her, she'll know that you care and that you support her. You guys and the rest of your friends are going to have to find a way to miss her and remember her, but at the same time, get on with your lives. If she's making progress where she is, then she'll be out of there in no time at all and right back here with all of you. You need to give her the space and the freedom to get well and come back a whole person,' Mike says to them.

'Right, so is there anything we can do that will help us to get on with our lives easier? I think that's not only our problem but all of our friends too,' Dylan says.

'Brenda, I have a suggestion for you and maybe some of the other girls in your group. Start a conversation book for Kelly. Every time you think in your head something like 'Oh, I have to tell Kelly that' or 'If Kelly was here she would say,' write it down in the book as if she really was around. It may help get those thoughts out of your head, instead of just letting them bounce around and get cooped up in there,' Mike suggests.

'Okay, that sounds like something I can do,' Brenda says.

'As for the rest of your friends, maybe you should get together and really talk about how everyone feels about Kelly and the fact that she needs to be away right now. Come to some sort of conclusion or pact at the end of that conversation. If you as a group make a decision and stick to it, then it will cease to be an unresolved issue and will maybe help you guys enjoy your last summer before college,' Mike says.

Brenda and Dylan both nod at his suggestion.

_Dylan's house_

Brenda and Dylan sit on the couch in his house discussing how they are going to bring up Mike's suggestion to their friends and what the outcome of that might be.

'Bren, maybe we should just tell them straight up what he suggested and see what they think,' Dylan says.

'Yeah, maybe. I think we need to keep a close eye and Steve though. I'm not sure that he's going to want to let this go calmly,' she says.

'Well, he's going to have to deal with it sooner or later. The sooner he gets everything off of his chest, the better he's going to feel. I'm not sure if we can convey that without him biting our heads off, but it's worth a try,' Dylan says.

Brenda nods her agreement with him. She looks over at him and smiles.

'Maybe after we tell them and get through this, we should consider a group trip away from here. I just feel like I need to maybe we all need to just get away from all of this drama for a little bit,' she suggests.

'That's a great idea, Bren. If they all agree, that would be a good way to get closure on this whole thing,' he says and grabs her hand.

'How about we delay the inevitable for about an hour before we go down the beach club to meet them, huh?' she says and gets up off of the couch.

'You don't have to tell me twice,' he says and stands up. He wraps his arms around her and begins to kiss her.

She loses herself in his embrace for a few seconds, and then gently pushes him back down onto the couch. She straddles him, smiling. She puts her hands on the sides of his face and kisses him gently.

She feels his arms tighten around her waist as he pulls her as close to his body as he can get.


	22. Chapter 22

_Torn to Pieces__ – Chapter 22 – The gang talks about Kelly again_

_The Beach Club_

'Are they here yet? Brenda said to meet them here, right?' Donna asks Steve.

'I haven't seen her yet, but you know how they are. They probably got caught up in themselves again,' he says with a smile.

'I have to admit, I'm a little nervous, guys,' Andrea says.

'Why would you be nervous?' Brandon asks her.

'Well, I'm not quite sure why. I just feel weird about this whole thing,' she says.

'Is is because Brenda and Dylan wanted to meet with us after they talked to their therapist?' Donna asks her.

'Maybe it is, but I don't think so. I'm sure it's nothing,' she says.

'Well, we're about to find out if it's nothing. Here they come,' Steve says.

David looks up from the table where he had been sitting quietly and sees Brenda and Dylan walking toward them.

'Hey, guys,' Brandon says.

'Hey,' Brenda says and sits down at the table. Dylan stands behind her and puts his hands on her shoulders.

'So, what did the social worker say?' David asks calmly.

'Well, he made several good suggestions on how we can deal with the knowledge that Kelly is not coming back as we thought, and will probably miss going to college with us. I think the best one was for us to get together and talk about how we feel about the entire situation now that we know that she's not coming back. We need to remember her the way she was and the way she is now. We all need to find a way to deal with her not coming back so that we can move forward ourselves and not get caught up in it,' Brenda explains.

'This is something that we need to do as a group. We need to be able to work through this and support each other as we try to get on without her around. As difficult as that is going to be, we do have each other and we are all capable of pulling through this,' Dylan adds.

'Right, so he suggested that we talk about her and how we feel and then come to some sort of conclusion at the end. You know, something to give it closure so that we can try to move past it,' Brenda says.

'And then after that, we should take a little vacation from this place together. All of this drama can't be healthy and I think we could all use a break,' Dylan says.

He sees David nodding his head and Steve tapping his fingers on the table.

'I'm not sure about this, guys. I mean, I don't think I can just have a conversation and then forget all about it,' Steve says.

'Steve, we're not saying forget about it, we're saying get it out on the table. You have to try to deal with some of these feelings and that way it won't hurt as much,' Brenda says.

'I agree with them. I think we should do this,' David says firmly.

Brenda puts her hand on David's shoulder and gives him a little nod.

'It's worth a try, Steve. We can't keep pretending that everything's okay, because it's not. Dylan's right. We need to help each other deal with this and support each other as much as we can,' Donna says.

Steve folds his arms and grumbles a little bit.

'Can I start?' David asks and looks around the group.

'I just want to say that throughout this whole situation I've been trying as hard as I can to keep it together for Jackie and for Donna. I'm so scared for Kelly and as scared as I am, I can't even imagine how scared she is. I think about it every night and just end up crying myself to sleep because I'm just not comfortable with the fact that she has to go through this all alone. At least I have you guys around to talk to and be around. I am so grateful for all of you right now,' David says with tears in his eyes.

'You guys are the only reason why I haven't completely broken apart,' he says.

Donna looks at him through her own tears and grabs his hand and squeezes it tight.

'I think I'm more frustrated than I am angry at this point,' Donna starts to say. 'I was kind of angry when I found out what had happened at first. I mean, how could Kelly be that stupid and why would she endanger not only your lives but hers too? I'm not angry anymore. I guess I kind of feel the same as David, scared. Scared for Kelly and frustrated that she could have screwed up her life like this. We've all done things that could have screwed up our lives for good, but none of them stuck to us and we're all still here and okay. She did, though, she went too far and I hope that I will know where that line is so that I don't end up doing something stupid too,' Donna says with tears rolling down her cheeks.

'That's kind of harsh, don't you think, Donna?' Steve says.

'It's not harsh, Steve, it's a reality of this situation. It's a very real fear to have after someone you're close to makes a really big mistake,' Andrea says. 'I myself have had the same thought. I'm such a worrier and cause myself to have panic attacks just thinking about all of the ways that I could screw up the rest of my life. Kelly must be beside herself with this one. I'm so glad that she was open to getting help and I really hope it helps her through this.'

'Well, I don't feel any of that,' Steve says.

'Yeah, all you're projecting is anger. Do you have any other emotions?' Brandon says directly.

'Come on, Brandon, Kelly is fine. She made a mistake and has chosen to lock herself up away from us, instead of coming back here and dealing with it. It's just like her to just desert us like this,' Steve continues.

Brenda sits back in her seat. Dylan leans down and puts his arm across her shoulders.

'Steve, you have got to look at the big picture here. You're acting as if Kelly did this as a personal attack on you. Kelly has problems and she needs to be somewhere that professionals can help her through it. You're not her therapist or her doctor, and by the way you're talking, you're not much of a friend right now,' Dylan says calmly to him.

'I guess I just don't see it the way you guys do,' he admits.

'I've been trying to stay out of the situation all together,' Brandon says. 'I feel really bad about what happened to Kelly and I hope that she gets better and comes back to us soon. To be honest, my feelings about this situation all stem from the fact that I could have lost my sister forever. Over the last few years, there were too many times that I have felt that way and this was the last straw for me,' he continues, watching the tears roll down Brenda's face.

'She could have had breast cancer and died, just like that,' he says with a snap of his fingers. 'She could have been killed by that guy when he robbed the Peach Pit and again when Kelly decided it would be a good idea to tell him where Brenda was that night,' he snaps again.

'I was angry too, Donna, just for a different reason. I think I still am a little bit actually. I've been struggling to find a way to forgive her in my head for doing what she did, and I just can't find it. I know that Brenda has already, and I'm not sure about Dylan, but that's what I'm having a hard time with,' Brandon admits.

'Has anyone's life been threatened more than Brenda's since we've known each other? That has got to be awful for you,' Steve says coldly to her.

'It was pretty awful, Steve. Trying to deal with your own mortality at this age is a feat in itself, but having to deal with it multiple times for different reasons in different circumstances wasn't easy. It took about,' she looks over at Dylan, 'five or six sessions with Mike to even scratch the surface of what had happened to me,' she says as Dylan nods his agreement.

'I've learned that the more you talk about how you are feeling and the more you stop ignoring what's really going on, the better it is and easier it is to deal with it and move past it,' she explains.

'Brenda, did you have nightmares?' David asks her.

'Yeah, for a long time, I did. As soon as I started talking about how I felt and getting those feelings out on the table, the nightmares lessened. I was able to actual change some of them into other things, so that they didn't scare me as much,' she tells him.

'Dylan, you haven't said anything yet,' Donna says.

Dylan stands up and looks at all them sitting around the table.

'I kind of feel the same way Brandon feels. I am so glad that Kelly is getting help and kind of pissed off that we didn't see this coming. I don't know that I've completely forgiven Kelly either. I am happy to be alive and I am even happier that Brenda is still alive. For a while there, we only had each other to hold onto, since you guys didn't really know who the gunman was and we were in such shock at the time that we really couldn't tell anyone. I was comforted by the fact that we still had each other and that Kelly was not going to be sent to jail as an accomplice,' Dylan says.

'Was that an option?' Andrea asked.

Brenda nods her head. 'Yeah, they wanted to put her in jail right away.'

The group stays silent for several minutes.

'You know, I kind of feel better already, getting that all out there,' Donna says with a small smile.

'Me too, Donna. We've been through a lot together as friends and the more honest we are with each other the easier it will be to get through this,' Andrea says and looks over at Steve.

He looks back at her and everyone else at the table. He lowers his arms that were folded across his chest.

'I guess I didn't realize that there were so many ways to see this situation,' he says.

'I miss her and wish that she didn't go temporarily insane so that she could be here with us right now,' Steve says sadly.

Andrea puts her hand on Steve's shoulder. He looks over at her and puts his hand on top of hers. He closes his eyes for a few seconds and nods his head.

'And in conclusion,' he says and looks around the table. 'Can I make a toast without a drink?' he asks. He holds his hand up straight in the air.

'To Kelly, get well, we miss you, we love you, and come back to us soon,' he says.

'To Kelly,' they all say with their hands up in the air.

'So, a trip away from here sounds really good right now? Where should we go?' Donna asks.

'How about camping again? No phones, no interruptions, just us and nature,' David says.

'Camping is good, but I don't think I want to see Yosemite again,' Donna says.

'How about Death Valley National Park? As inappropriate as it sounds, I think it would be a great place to let this all go and start over. We could each bring something, a token or a memory, of Kelly's and share it over a bonfire,' Steve says.

'That's a great idea, Steve,' Dylan says with a smile.

'I agree, it'll be good to talk about her and then leave it there so that we can get ready for our first year in college when we get back. So, when do you guys want to go?' Brandon asks.

'As soon as humanly possible,' Steve says.

'How about Thursday? I have to let Henry know what's going on,' Brandon says.

'Perfect,' Donna says.


	23. Chapter 23

_Torn to Pieces__ – Chapter 23 – Death Valley_

_Casa Walsh – Thursday_

'Brenda, do you have everything?' Cindy yells up the stairs.

'Yes, I'll be right down,' she says.

Brandon comes down the stairs with his own bag. He checks four times to make sure that he has his hiking boots and his hat in there.

Brenda drags her bag down the steps and puts it on the floor in the foyer.

'I think the van just pulled up,' Jim says.

'Have a great time and come back safe okay?' Cindy says and hugs her daughter.

'We will, Mom, promise,' she says.

They walk out to the van to meet the rest of the gang.

'Onwards and upwards, let's get these bags tied down and hit the road,' Steve says.

They drive to Death Valley Park and begin to set up their campsite.

Steve and Andrea take a walk to find some firewood while Dylan, Brandon, and David put up the tents.

'Can you hand me that bag, Donna?' Brenda says pointing to a shopping bag on the ground.

'Sure,' Donna says, picks up the bag and brings it over to where Brenda is standing.

'I brought all the stuff to make S'mores,' she says.

'Oh, yay, I love those!' Donna says with a smile and helps Brenda unpack the bag.

Steve and Andrea come back with a few logs of firewood and then walk back out to the woods to get more.

'How are you holding up, Steve?' she asks him.

He looks at her and sighs. 'I'm okay, I guess. I'm still trying to decide which story to tell,' he says.

'Why don't you tell more than one? There's no limit to the amount of reminiscing you can do tonight?' she says.

'Yeah, but I wanted it to be really special. I wanted it to be a great memory so that I when I start to think about her not being here, it cheers me up,' he says.

'That's a good idea. I'm sure you'll find the perfect memory,' she says.

They gather some more logs and enough sticks to use for kindling and walk back to the campsite.

'Okay, let's get the grill fired up and get this campfire brewing,' Steve says. Brandon and Steve work on getting the fire going, while Dylan and David stare at the grill.

Brenda and Donna watch them trying to figure out what to do next and laugh. Brenda grabs the bag of charcoal and the lighter fluid and drops it at their feet.

'Thanks, babe,' Dylan says and watches her walk back to the table. The girls begin to pull out the food and some snacks while the boys try to figure out how to start both fires.

They finally get the campfire burning and the grill ready for the food.

'Okay, Brandon, the grill is ready for your fine cooking skills,' Dylan says and pats him on the back.

Brandon smiles and picks up the hamburgers and hotdogs the girls had prepared.

Dylan sits down next to Steve, who is admiring his handiwork with the campfire.

Brenda walks over and sits on Dylan's lap. They stare at the fire and listen to it crackle while Brandon cooks the food.

'So, anybody have any idea of what they're going to major in?' Andrea asks the gang.

'I have no clue. When do we have to decide?' Donna asks her.

'Oh, not until your junior year, but it's probably a good idea to think about it now so that you can try to take some of the required courses,' Andrea says.

'Well, my decision is easy. I'm going to major in Drama, of course,' Brenda says with a smile.

'Don't you already have a degree in that?' Brandon teases her.

Donna and Andrea laugh out loud.

'Ha ha, very funny, Brandon,' she says.

'Well, I think I'm going to take some journalism classes and see how it goes,' Andrea says.

'Yeah, I probably will too, but I'm leaning more toward political science,' Brandon says.

'I'm with Donna, I haven't a clue what the hell I'm going to major in. Is partying and picking up chicks a major?' Steve asks.

'Good try, Steve, but I don't think that one has made it to the curriculum yet,' Brandon says.

Brandon brings the food over to the table and they all fix plates and begin eating as the sun goes down.

'Okay, who's ready for S'mores?' Brenda says and gets up to get the ingredients from the table.

'Oh, I am,' Donna says with a smile.

They make a few for everyone and then sit staring at the fire.

'Oh my, these are really good,' Andrea says finishing off her second one.

'You've never had S'mores before?' Steve asks her.

'No, never, I had no idea what I was missing,' she says with a smile.

Steve gets up and goes to his bag. He pulls something out of it and sits back down.

'I'd like to call this meeting to order,' he says with a smile. 'We are gathered here on this beautiful night around this roaring campfire to pour our hearts out and tell a few good stories about our dear friend Kelly.'

He opens the piece of paper that he pulled out of his bag and clears his throat.

'I hereby call on each and every one of you to place a memory or token of your friendship with Kelly into this circle of devoted friends. We will not forget what she means to us as we start our journey into college together,' he says.

'Who would like to start?' he asks them.

'I will,' Andrea volunteers.

'Over the years, Kelly has helped me see through a lot of the stereotypical Beverly Hills mentality. I was especially humbled when I saw that even though she looked like she had everything together, that she had problems just like everyone else. It's wasn't the greatest moment in her life when her mother embarrassed her on stage during the Mother/Daughter fashion show, but she showed me how strong one person could be in how she was able to deal with it. I thought that she was so mature when she told her mother how she felt. I don't think I could have mustered the strength it took to be able to do that. I envied her for many reasons, but mostly because of her ability to show that strength when she really needed it,' Andrea says.

She sees a few of them nodding their heads at her story.

'Thank you, Andrea,' Steve says.

'I'd like to say few things,' David says. He sits up a little and looks around at all of them.

'When I first met and started hanging out with all of you, Kelly couldn't be meaner to me,' he starts. 'But as our parents started spending time together, I think she got used to the idea of having me around. I was glad to be a part of her family and I think she kind of liked it too. We really had some good talks with each other and I'm so grateful that I got the chance to experience what a real family feels like,' he says.

'It hurts me more than anything that I can't talk to her right now and let her know that I'm here for her. But I'll always remember the good times that we had when I think of her,' he says.

'Kelly and I have been friends for a long time,' Donna begins. 'There isn't much that we didn't go through together. As we've gotten older our lives have become more and more complicated and it made me think back to when we were younger,' Donna says and pulls out a picture. She passes the picture to Brenda to look at and continues to speak.

'I went through a few of my old things and found this great picture of us. We have goofy smiles on our faces and not a care in the world,' Donna says and she sees Brenda smile and pass the picture to Brandon.

'As much as I like being older and hopefully wiser than I was back then, I can't help but close my eyes and remember how easy it was,' she says.

'Donna, this is such a great picture of you guys,' Andrea says when she finally gets the picture passed to her.

'Yeah, it's one of my favorites,' she says with a smile.

'I have a solid memory of Kelly and I not hooking up at the Spring Dance,' Brandon says with a smile. Steve laughs a little and Brenda turns her head to look at Dylan. He winks at her and then looks up at Brandon.

'She was trying to convince me that any reason I had for not getting together with her up to that point wasn't important enough to keep us apart. I remember thinking about it and then realizing that if we did get together, it would almost be like starting in the middle of a relationship. I mean, we already knew a lot about each other and I couldn't get past the fact that I already felt that I knew her too well for us to get involved like that,' Brandon says.

'It's not that I regret my decision or anything, but I think we reached a different level to our friendship that night and I will never forget it,' he finishes.

'Dylan?' Steve says. 'You want to say anything?'

'I don't really have that much to say. Like I said at the beach, I want her to get better and I hope that she comes out of this with a better understanding of who she is, but I haven't entirely forgiven her yet. I don't know that I'll be able to do that any time soon. I do miss her and it's weird not having her here with all of us, but I really do hope she gets the help she needs and comes back to us in one piece,' he says.

He squeezes Brenda's hand and puts his head on her shoulder. She lifts her hand and caresses his cheek and hears him sigh.

'Brenda, if you don't mind going last, I'd like to say something,' Steve says.

'I don't mind, go right ahead,' she says.

'Kelly has meant the world to me ever since she agreed to go out with me. She was always understanding and comforting to me when I needed it. She's been a good friend to me, even when I annoyed her, and when she wasn't such a good friend to some of you. She will always hold a special place in my heart,' Steve says.

'She confirmed how much she cared about me the night she stood Chuckie up at that dance and came to my house. She didn't give me a hard time or try to convince me not to go to Albuquerque to find my real mother. She drove me to the dance to see all of you guys and made sure that I knew that you were all my family. I will always remember staring out the bus window at all of you guys watching me go, knowing that you would all be there when I got back,' he says as a single tear rolls down his cheek.

'And last but not least,' Brandon says and looks over at Brenda.

'Right, well, I have a lot of great memories of Kelly and I also have a handful of horrible memories that I'd like to forget. As you all have probably already guessed, I have very mixed feelings over this whole situation. Kelly was my friend for a long time and I can't but feel bad for her and want her to get the best care in the world. On the other hand, it is so hard for me to believe that she would betray me so many times in one year, that I just want to scream,' Brenda begins.

'I do have a moment that I will forever remember with Kelly though. We were studying for the SATs at her house and instead she was reading a magazine. In the magazine was an article and instructions on how to perform a self breast exam. We decided to do it and that's how I found the lump that we thought might have been cancer,' she says tearing up.

'If it wasn't for Kelly not studying or paying any attention to me and Donna, I probably wouldn't have found it or even known that it was there. Of course, it wasn't cancer and I lived to tell about it, but what if it was? I probably never would have found it in time,' she says.

She feels Dylan's arms tighten around her as she puts her head down.

'Thank you, Kelly for not studying and making us take that test,' she says and tries to smile.

They stare at the campfire and watch the flames flickering in the dark. Brenda stands up and pulls Dylan up with her. She holds her hands out to Brandon and Donna. They all get up one by one and put their arms around each other.

They gather themselves up, put the fire out, and go into their tents to sleep. Brenda lies down next to Dylan and he wraps his arm around her.

'Dylan, do you think she's ever going to come back?' she asks him.

'I don't know, Bren, I just don't know,' he says. He kisses the back of her head and pulls her closer.


	24. Chapter 24

_Torn to Pieces__ – Epilogue_

'_I don't think she will ever forgive me for almost getting her killed. I can't believe how clouded my head really was back then. I had been so preoccupied with her and her relationship with him that I couldn't see that I was slowly going crazy. I am so glad that they were able to negotiate counseling for me instead of jail. I think I would have cracked in jail. Counseling was definitely a better suggestion. I still go to see someone once a week. It helps me deal with random thoughts and understand why I might be feeling what I'm feeling. I'm still on the medication they gave me when I first went into the hospital. My psychiatrist thinks that she finally has the dosage right, so I shouldn't feel any symptoms whatsoever, and I think she's right._

_I believe that Brenda was right and that there was a momentary lapse of judgment that caused me to act on my obsessive feelings that led me to make a deal with that guy. I guess it's good that I can finally talk about it, since it's been almost a year since it happened. I'm kind of glad my mother told me to stay at the hospital as long as I wanted. I was only required to stay for 6 weeks, but I ended up staying for 4 months, just to work through all of the things that I had never had a chance to really deal with in regard to my family. After that I went to live with a friend of my mother's, so that I could keep going to my counseling sessions and also attend community college. I transferred to UC San Francisco for the spring semester and am doing really well._

_I'm definitely beginning to feel nervous and anxious. I'm going back to LA this weekend to see my mother. I'll be spending a week there and I'm just not very excited about seeing anyone. I don't even want to leave the house when I'm there. I know that Brenda has been writing to my mother and calling her asking about me for the last year, but I just can't face her yet. I'm not entirely sure how to handle this.'_

Kelly closes her notebook and puts it back into her desk. She wipes a tear from her face and stands up from her desk.

'Almost ready to go Kelly?' she hears through the open door to her dormitory room.

She looks up and sees her roommate Lisa peek her head around the door frame.

Kelly smiles at her and nods her head. She walks to her bed and grabs her bag and follows Lisa out to the parking lot.

'Well, I am going to miss you terribly, but you'll be back next week right?' Lisa asks her.

'Right, next week,' Kelly says to her. 'See you soon,' she says and gets into her car.

She takes a deep breath before starting it.

Kelly makes her way to her mother's house. Her mother had moved since she had been in the facility, so she was a little nervous driving around the neighborhood that she had never been in.

She spots the house and pulls up the long driveway.

As she shuts the car off, she sees her mother running out of the house with her arms open wide.

'Kelly! I'm so glad you're here!' Jackie says with excitement and embraces her daughter.

'Hi Mom, this house is cute,' Kelly says with a smile.

'Well, let's get your bags and you can see the inside,' Jackie says, smiling back.

They walk into the house and Jackie shows Kelly around. It's not as big as their last house, but Kelly immediately gets a homey kind of feeling.

She walks into Erin's room and sees David playing with her on the carpet.

'Kelly!' David says and immediately gets up and gives her a huge hug.

'David, it's so good to see you. How have you been? How's school?' Kelly asks.

'Ah, it's alright. How are you? You look great!' he says.

'Thank you, I feel great. I'm really doing well. Adjusting to life outside of Beverly Hills was quite an experience, but I'm kind of getting used to it now,' she says with a smile.

'Why don't you show Kelly her room and catch up a bit while I give Erin her bath?' Jackie asks them.

'Yeah, alright,' David says and leads Kelly down the hallway. He opens the door to her room and lets her walk inside.

Kelly sees that her mother had tried to save as much as possible from her old room. She had sent some stuff to her when she decided that she was going to stay in the dormitory at school, but everything else seems to have been kept here.

'Wow, flashback,' Kelly says and starts looking through some of the clothes in the closet.

'Yeah, well, Jackie didn't want to throw anything out, in case you wanted it later,' David says and sits on the bed.

Kelly turns and sees him staring at her. She walks over and sits next to him. She grabs his hand and squeezes.

'David, I'm alright. I'm so sorry that I didn't come back sooner for you. I really hate the fact that I left you here all by yourself,' she starts to say.

He turns to look at her and can't help the tears in his eyes. They embrace and hold onto each other for quite some time.

'Kelly,' David says when the finally part, 'I really missed you. I was so scared for a long time after you decided not to come back that you would never come back.'

'I still don't think I'm ready to be here yet, David. I missed you, Erin, and my mom so much that I just couldn't wait any longer. I don't know that I'm even close to ready to see anyone other than you guys right now.'

'I know it must be really difficult for you. I probably wouldn't want to come back either, but your friends miss you just as much as I do. They are all worried about you and just want to know that you are alright,' he says.

'I know. My mom told me that Brenda and Donna have been writing letters to me,' she says and looks down at the floor.

'Yeah, they're all neatly tucked away in your mother's desk, two drawers full,' David tells her.

Kelly gets up and starts to pace around the room. 'I know that they've all been really supportive while I've been gone, or so that's what my mother says, but I can't seem to figure out how any of them could have forgiven me for what I did,' she says.

'Kel, not to be a downer or anything, but I think some of them still haven't,' David says slowly and carefully.

'It's okay, David. I didn't expect any of them to have forgiven me, but I hope that they have spent this time to deal with it, just as I have. It's been great being away from everything. I actually had the time to deal with this and all of my feelings toward my father and my mother's problems. I should have gone to therapy years ago,' she says.

'I didn't realize just how much I was hurting inside until I had the chance to let it all out,' she says truthfully. 'I just don't know if I can handle seeing any of them.'

'Well, let's just hang out tonight, play some games, talk about old times and see what happens, huh?' David says with a smile and gets up off of the bed.

He holds his hand out to her and waits for her to take it. She smiles at him and takes his hand as he leads her out of the room.

Kelly spends some time with her mother and David, telling them about school and where she's living, and her new friends.

Jackie yawns and gets up from the table.

'Well, I'm going to head to bed, see you two tomorrow,' she says and kisses both David and Kelly on the head.

'I better get going too,' David says.

Kelly looks at him strangely.

'I live on campus,' he clarifies.

'Oh, sorry, I didn't know,' she says, a little embarrassed.

'You are more than welcome to come with me and see what CU is like,' he says.

Kelly laughs a little. 'Good one, David. I'll see you tomorrow,' she says and gives him a hug.

She goes back up to her room and changes her clothes. She picks up the phone and stares at it for a long time.

She puts it down and starts to read a magazine that was on the nightstand next to her bed. Every few minutes she glances over at the phone and then back to the magazine. She finally looks over at the clock and sees that it is past midnight.

She picks up the phone and dials a familiar number. She takes a deep breath while it rings.

'Hello?' she hears from the other end. She opens her mouth to speak, but nothing comes out.

'Hello? Is anyone there?' she hears.

'Um,' she manages to get out.

'Hello? Who's there?' she hears.

She takes a deep breath and lets it out. 'Brenda, it's Kelly,' she says clearly.

'Kelly?' she hears Brenda scream on the other end of the phone.

After Brenda spends a few minutes collecting herself after hearing Kelly's voice on the other end of the phone, she begins to talk quickly and ask as many questions as possible.

'Where are you? What's going on? Are you still in the hospital? Why haven't you called me or written to me? Did you get all of the letters Donna and I sent? I can't believe I'm actually hearing your voice. You sound great,' she says quickly.

'Wow,' Kelly says. 'I am no longer in the hospital, but I still go to see a therapist every week and a psychiatrist every month. I've been in San Francisco the entire time I've been gone. For a while I was living with a friend of my mom's, but when I got into college, I went to live in the dorms. Right now, I'm sitting in my mother's new house, feeling like the biggest intruder in the world and,' Kelly begins to tear up, 'I am so glad that you didn't hang the phone up as soon as you heard that it was me on the other end,' she sobs.

Brenda takes a sharp intake of breath, trying not to cry out loud.

Brenda sniffles a little bit and then takes a deep breath. 'I wouldn't hang up on you, Kel,' she barely gets out.

She hears Kelly sniffling a little bit on the other end of the phone as they both try to pull themselves together.

'How long are you here?' Brenda says carefully.

'Just a few days. My mother wanted me to come and see the new house and then I have to be back for summer school,' she says.

'Well, when you're done and sick of the mom thing, we should get together, even if it's only for a little while,' Brenda says.

'Yeah, I'd like that. How about we do lunch at the Beach Club? I kind of miss it,' Kelly says.

'Sounds good, how about tomorrow?'

'I think Mom has tomorrow booked. How about the day after?'

'Okay, I will meet you there,' Brenda says with a smile on her face. 'I'm so glad you called.'

Kelly smiles to herself. 'Yeah, me too.'

_Dylan's house, the next day_

'Bren, you have got to stop doing that, you're making me dizzy,' Dylan says as he watches Brenda pace back and forth.

'I'm sorry, I'm just a little nervous, I think,' she says and continues to pace.

'Bren, what do you have to be nervous about? You've said before that you were more afraid that if she came back that she wouldn't want to see you. Now that you know that's not true, what's the problem?' he says and gets up to stand in her path.

She finally stops in front of him and looks up into his face.

'Dylan, I have no idea what to say to her. I'm now afraid that we're going to be sitting in this horribly uncomfortable silence the entire time and that I'm going to leave there feeling worse than I do now,' she says.

He wraps his arms around her and pulls her close to him. He strokes her hair and places little kisses on the top of her head.

'It's going to be alright, you'll know just what to say when the time comes,' he says. _'God, I hope she gets through this, I hate seeing her like this.'_

He continues to stroke her hair and her back and he finally feels her relax into his arms. He walks her over to the couch and sits down. She sits down next to him and puts her head on his shoulder.

'I am so proud of you, you know that?' he says to her.

She picks her head up to look at him. 'Why? I haven't done anything yet,' she says.

He smiles at her and cups her face with his hand.

'You are the strongest person I know and I am so proud of you for standing up and facing her after all that's happened. You are going to be just fine and when you're all done, I'll be waiting for you,' he says.

Brenda smiles back at him and tries to hold back the tears in her eyes.

'Thank you for being there for me,' she leans up and kisses him softly.

He deepens her kiss as she wraps her arm around his neck. He puts both arms around her and pulls her closer to him.

Brenda leans back and looks at him. 'Are you trying to distract me from my pacing?' she asks him with an evil smile.

'No way,' he says sarcastically and pulls her head toward his.

_Casa Walsh, the next day_

Brenda stands in front of her closet in her pajamas staring at her clothes. Brandon peeks his head in from the bathroom and starts to laugh out loud at her.

'Brandon, don't laugh,' she pleads.

'Are you kidding? Bren, you're acting like this is an audition or something,' he says.

Brenda rolls her eyes at her brother as he comes into her room and sits on her bed.

She turns to look at him and he gives her a puppy dog face. She starts to laugh at him and he joins in.

'Brenda, seriously, are you alright?' he asks sincerely.

She walks over and sits next to him on the bed.

'You know, Brandon, I'm doing much better than I was yesterday. I really can't wait to see her. I guess I think I'll feel better once I see that she's really okay and that she's 'Kelly' again, you know?' she says.

'Yeah, I hear you. You'll have to let me know how that goes. I don't think I want to be anywhere near the beach club today,' he says.

She puts her arm around his shoulder.

'I know, Brandon, I talked to Donna yesterday and I think she kind of feels the same way. She wants to see Kelly and make sure that she's alright, but she's not quite sure how she would react to physically seeing her,' Brenda tells him.

'I bet you're going to be joined by Steve for lunch today though,' Brandon says with a smile.

'I'm sure he's heard about it by now and no doubt will crash at some point,' she says.

'Just promise me that if you start to feel uncomfortable in any way, no matter how far through lunch you've actually gotten, that you'll just get up, say goodbye and come home,' he says.

Brenda smiles at her brother's concern for her well being. 'I promise, now help me find something to wear, will you?' she says and goes back to stand in front of the closet.

_Kelly's house_

Kelly stands in her robe staring at all of the clothes strewn on the bed. She had completely unpacked her back and threw each piece of clothing out in disgust.

'What the hell am I going to wear?' she says out loud.

'Clothes would be good,' David answers her from the hallway. She looks up from the mess on her bed to see him standing just inside her room.

'Good morning, David,' she says.

'Morning, Kel. Do you know how great it is to come in here and see you frustrated over your lack of clothing?' he says with a smile.

She smiles back at him. 'Well, it's actually kind of nice being here,' she says.

'Does that mean you'll consider staying?' he says with a gigantic smile.

'Good try, David, now help me find something that is not completely awful,' she says and playfully hits him on the arm.

_The Beach Club_

Dylan pulls the car into the parking lot of the beach club and parks in front of the entrance.

'Thank you for driving me,' she says and leans over to kiss him.

'Now, you're sure you don't want me to stay in the car or anything?' Dylan asks her.

She smiles at him. 'No, you don't have to stay in the car, I will be just fine. Just be back here in like an hour or two. Now,' she says, grabbing the bag she brought with her, getting out of the car, and shutting the door, 'how do I look?' she asks him.

'You look great. Break a leg,' he says.

'Thanks,' she says and begins to walk into the club. He watches her until he can't see her anymore and then slowly drives away.

Brenda walks over to the tables outside and scans them for Kelly. She finally spots her and makes her way over to the table.

Kelly stands as she sees Brenda walking toward her. _'Wow, she looks the same as she did the last time I saw her.'_

Brenda picks up her pace as she sees Kelly stand and finally gets to her. She puts her arms out instinctively and sees Kelly hesitate for just a split second before almost throwing herself into Brenda's arms.

The girls hug for several minutes. When they finally part they both begin to laugh at each other.

They sit down and place their lunch orders with the waitress.

'Bren, you look great,' Kelly says. 'Is that a new dress?'

'Yeah, it is. I'm glad you notices because, Donna and I were shopping one day and ran into a fantastic sale. She bought a beautiful deep purple, off the shoulder mini-dress that looks amazing on her,' she tells Kelly.

She sees Kelly nodding her head and looking at her dress.

'Well, it was such a great sale,' Brenda says as she reaches down and picks up the bag she brought with her, 'that we got one for you too. Just in case you decided to come back,' she says with a smile.

Kelly immediately smiles and carefully takes the bag from Brenda. 'Really?' she says with excitement.

Brenda smiles and laughs a little bit at the sight of Kelly peeking like a little kid into the bag she had just handed her.

Kelly stands up and pulls out the garment, marveling at the beautiful color. 'Wow, Brenda, this is amazing. I love it,' she says and holds the dress up to her body.

'Perfect,' Brenda says. She watches Kelly twirl around with the dress that she had picked out for her. It was a beautiful shade of light blue-green that shimmered in the light with a plunging neck line and flouncy skirt.

'Thank you so much, I really do love it,' she says and leans down to give Brenda a hug.

'Well, I thought you would, that's why I picked it up,' she says.

Their food finally comes and they spend time chatting with each other about what has been going on in Beverly Hills while Kelly was gone. Kelly tells Brenda about San Francisco and about how she was handling college life.

'I'm so glad that you're doing well out there. I was afraid that maybe you just didn't want to come back at all,' Brenda says.

'Well, for a while, I didn't. I didn't think I could face you or Dylan ever again, but I worked through it and realized that I didn't really want you guys to think that I was just running away. I'm really not anymore. I live on campus, I'm doing well in college, and I'm finally adjusting to kind of being on my own and having to take responsibility for myself. It's actually kind of nice not having to deal with my mother's problems anymore,' Kelly says.

'Yeah, I guess that's a good thing, huh?' Brenda says with a smile.

Kelly nods her agreement and smiles back at her.

'Bren, listen, I am so glad that you don't hate me for what I did. You and Dylan have every right not to ever want to speak to me again, but the fact that you answered the phone and are here with me now, makes me so happy. I can't tell you enough how sorry I really am for what happened and I am so glad that you guys didn't get hurt,' she says.

Brenda puts her hand over Kelly's trembling one. 'Kel, I can't say that I've entirely gotten over the fact that you almost got me killed, but I will say that I was more scared for you than I was for myself. I am really proud of you for going to the hospital and taking care of all of these issues. It must not have been easy for you and I'm sorry that we couldn't be there to support you, but it looks like you're doing just fine on your own. You don't know how happy that makes me,' Brenda says to her.

Kelly squeezes Brenda's hand and looks up at her with tears in her eyes.

'Thank you for not shutting me out,' Kelly says in between sobs.

'Kel, you're my best friend. I'll always be here if you need me,' Brenda says.

'You always have been,' Kelly says. The girls get up from their chairs and hug each other one more time.

'Well, I should let you get back to your Mom. I'm sure she's thrilled that you're here,' Brenda says.

'Yeah, can't get enough of me,' Kelly says with a smile.

'Now, promise that you'll call if you need anything,' Brenda says holding both of Kelly's hands in hers.

'I promise,' she says and squeezes Brenda's hands.

'Take care of yourself,' Brenda says.

'You too,' Kelly replies.

Kelly watches Brenda walk away from her and into the parking lot. She wipes the tears from her cheeks with her napkin and looks back down at the bag with her dress in it.

She smiles brightly and looks up to see Brenda turn a corner to where she could no longer see her. _'I love you, Bren.'_

Kelly picks up the bag and goes into the clubhouse.

Brenda walks into the parking lot and sees Dylan pull the car out of the space he was parked in.

'You didn't stay here the entire time, did you?' she asks him.

'No, I did not. I drove around for a little while,' he says.

'Uh huh, what like 5 minutes?' she asks him, getting in the car.

'More like 10,' he says and leans over to kiss her.

Dylan drives away from the beach club and waits from Brenda to speak first. When she doesn't, he decides he better says something.

'So, how was it?' he asks her carefully.

'Fine,' she says and then pauses, 'it was fine.'

Dylan looks over at her and she turns her head and smiles at him. He takes her hand and continues to drive.

_The End._

_Author's Note: I hope that you have all enjoyed this story as much as I have. Thank you all for your fantastic comments throughout the entire story. I appreciated every single one of them! Thank you!_


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